


Panic is a Natural Response to Love

by Ikira, PitViperOfDoom



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Reunions, M/M, Nagging relatives, Once bitten twice shy, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikira/pseuds/Ikira, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PitViperOfDoom/pseuds/PitViperOfDoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Annual family get-togethers would be stressful enough for Tadashi without Aunt Cass’s pushy cousin trying to play matchmaker with him. Fed up with the passive-aggressive meddling, Tadashi hatches a plot that’s as crazy as it is desperate: bring a fake date to the upcoming reunion. But not just anyone can pull it off; he needs someone adventurous, naturally affectionate, and willing to go along with the charade.</p>
<p>He needs Fred.</p>
<p>But what he doesn’t know is that Fred might already be more suited to play someone in love with Tadashi than he actually realizes. And that Fred might be agreeing to it for more reasons than just the goodness of his own heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crazy Enough to Work

**Author's Note:**

> Family Tree for reference: [](http://s1016.photobucket.com/user/Ikira_Candy/media/Fic%20Reference/Fic%20Family%20Tree.png.html)

“Hello?” Aunt Cass answered the phone brightly on the third ring, used to answering as quickly as possible after years of taking calls in the cafe downstairs. Tadashi could hear her just barely resist the instinct to rattle off her typical Lucky Cat Cafe greeting. “Who is this? Oh! Evelyn! Yes, how are you?”

Tadashi listened with half an ear as she started exchanging pleasantries with their Aunt Evelyn, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and absently crunching it. Across the table from him, Hiro was devouring his own cereal at a much faster pace, milk dribbling down his chin, and generally making a mess. But his attention was focused on his phone and some sort of matching game, so he hadn’t seemed to realize that only half of his cereal was actually making it into his mouth. Tadashi rolled his eyes and resolved to tell Hiro about it...later, when they were outside in public.

“...next weekend already?” Aunt Cass’ voice registered in his mind again, and he glanced over his shoulder at her. She had her back turned to the table, but he could see her shoulders suddenly tense. “No, I didn’t forget! I just lost track of the days a bit. It’s been very busy with the cafe recently and...no, of course I haven’t been neglecting the boys for the cafe! I have been - what? No, no they haven’t. No, _I_ haven’t either. Yes, we’re still coming. Of course! We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Speak for yourself,” Hiro muttered under his breath, quietly enough that Aunt Cass wouldn’t be able to hear. Tadashi still could, and gave Hiro a sharp look, even though he himself sort of agreed.

Aunt Cass wasn’t the only one who’d lost track of time. He’d completely forgotten that their annual family reunion was next week already, even though it was the same time every year. He could already feel his back aching from being forced to sleep on an air mattress because there weren’t enough beds to go around. He and Hiro usually had to share too, which meant he’d be kicked in the legs half the night, and smothered by Hiro’s hair the rest of it. On top of that, they had to endure a full week of Uncle Donald’s borderline racist commentary about their father, Aunt Margaret’s strange vegan cooking, their cousin Braeden’s asshole tendencies, and Great Aunt Lucy’s cheek-pinching and terrible hard candies.

At least he’d outgrown the cheek-pinching phase a few years ago. Hiro was all on his own for that one.

Tadashi didn’t bother listening in on the rest of the phone call, already knowing from experience what would happen. Aunt Evelyn called every year to remind them, because she assumed that without her, Aunt Cass wouldn’t remember how to put her own clothes on in the morning, let alone plan a trip out to Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Donald’s acreage (“Cassie, darling, _please_ , at this point we may as well call it a vineyard! Oh that reminds me, we might send you a bottle for Christmas! Do you prefer Cabernet Savignon or proprietary red blend?”) Half of the conversation would be questioning Aunt Cass’ capabilities as a guardian, while the rest of the time she would slide in snide remarks about their supposed wealth. Eventually Aunt Cass would get fed up, calmly inform her that yes, they were coming, and that she’d speak to them then. And then she’d just hang up, even as Aunt Evelyn kept talking.

Sure enough, not even five minutes later Aunt Cass slammed the phone down with a bit more force than necessary, let out a loud, irritated huff, and whirled to face them both. There was a bit of a crazed look in her eyes, and both Tadashi and Hiro started eating faster in case she decided to turn on them and they needed to run.

But instead all she did was grab her cup of coffee and plop down in her own seat at the table with a huff. “Sometimes that woman drives me crazy,” she grumbled, sipping at her coffee with a dark look.

“You mean more than usual?” Hiro teased her with a smirk. She glared at him, kicking his ankle lightly under the table.

“Careful, you, or I won’t protect you when Great Aunt Lucy starts making the pinchy fingers.”

“You never protect me anyway!”

Unable to resist, Tadashi grinned and played along. “Yeah, Hiro. You’ve been keeping the baby fat this year, there’s no way she’ll be able to resist. You’ll be red-cheeked for the rest of the week.”

Hiro didn’t take kindly to that, giving Tadashi a dark look. Without hesitation, he gathered up a spoonful of cereal and flicked it at Tadashi’s face.

“Hey!”

“Boys, no playing with your food,” Aunt Cass said with a sigh, barely phased. She brushed a spare flake away from where it had landed near her elbow. “Lord knows your aunt already thinks I raise you like animals, the last thing I need is for her to see you acting like ones.”

“He started it!” Hiro protested.

“Really?” Tadashi had to laugh, “You wanna go with that? What are you, twelve? Although, I’m pretty sure that’s how old all the aunts and uncles think you are. Even Greg is taller than you now, and he’s like three years younger.”

“Okay, first of all, he’s only two and a half years younger,” Hiro argued, pointing his spoon at Tadashi like it was a sword, “and secondly, I can’t help it if dad’s genes means I don’t hit my growth spurt until I hit eighteen like you did. You freaky beanpole person.”

“Rather be a beanpole than a bean sprout!”

Hiro let out an inarticulate growl of frustration, and started gathering up more cereal to fling in Tadashi’s face, but Aunt Cass clearing her throat pointedly quickly drew him up short. Instead he settled further into his chair with a grumble, shoving the cereal into his mouth instead.

“Yeah, well,” Hiro mumbled with his mouth full, showing off his half-chewed flakes to Tadashi in full glorious disgusting view. “At least all I have to deal with is Great Aunt Lucy. So long as I can find a flight of stairs, I can escape from her and that walker of hers. But _you_ ,” Once again he pointed his spoon at Tadashi and grinned, flecks of chewed cereal sticking to his lips, “are stuck, my friend.”

“Stuck?” Tadashi was instantly on edge. He had no idea what Hiro was talking about, but if it made his little brother look at him like that, it couldn’t be good. “What do you mean, stuck?”

“Weren’t you listening?” Hiro somehow grinned wider, looking far too pleased with himself. “Aunt Evelyn invited Cheryl again this year. And she’s bringing _Denise_ with her.”

Tadashi felt the blood run from his face. He stared at his brother in horror. “No. Oh god no.” Desperate, he turned to Aunt Cass. “Tell me he’s lying.”

But her face was one of consternation. She reached out and patted him on the hand, as if that could somehow make it better. “Sorry, buddy, but it’s true. Apparently she just got confirmation last Tuesday. Yes, they’re both going to be there.”

“No. No, no, no, no. Oh man, _Aunt Cass_.”

“Sorry, Tadashi. We can’t back out now, Evelyn would never let me hear the end of it,” she told him gently. “Who knows, maybe they’ll be too busy visiting everyone to pay much attention to you?”

But Tadashi knew that was a pipe dream at best. “Oh god, every time. _Every time_ they come, Cheryl spends the whole time trying to fix me up with her daughter. Every time. There’s no way this year will be different. Unless…” His eyes suddenly lit up as a wild hope occurred to him. “Unless she’s seeing someone?”

Unfortunately, his hopes were instantly dashed when Aunt Cass winced. “Sorry, no. She’s not bringing anyone, and Evelyn may have made some comment or another about how much Cheryl and Denise were looking forward to seeing you.”

Tadashi groaned loudly and allowed his head to drop down onto the kitchen table with a thunk, barely missing his spoon. He heard Hiro snickering, but he couldn’t bring himself to raise his head. Everything was awful.

“They’re not even part of the family!” he complained, his voice slightly muffled. “Literally the only people they know are Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Donald, why do they keep being invited?”

Gently Aunt Cass squeezed his shoulder. “I know, kiddo, I hate it too.” Her tone turned somewhat acidic. “We might as well be living in the fifties, the way they talk sometimes. It’s not just you, either; they like swinging it in my face, too. You’d think getting you to ‘settle down’ was some cosmic sign that your life has meaning and I haven’t utterly failed at raising you.”

Raising his head, Tadashi offered a lopsided grin and an equally crooked joke. “Would it help if I brought a fake date with me? You can get those for a song on Craigslist.”

For a moment it looked like Aunt Cass was about to laugh it off. Then, to Tadashi’s utter astonishment, she paused and actually seemed to consider it for a moment. “You know, actually now that you mention it…”

“Aunt Cass, that was a joke.”

She smiled crookedly at him. “Oh I know, honey, but it’s a nice thought anyway. Craigslist is a no go, but if you could sell it well enough, Evelyn might leave both of us alone.”

Cereal forgotten, Tadashi stared at her. “...You’re serious.”

Aunt Cass heaved a sigh, one of those I-shouldn’t-be-encouraging-this-but-here-we-are sighs. “Well, look at it this way. At the very least, if it blows up in our faces then it would ruin her party, so that works too.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” Hiro said in a long-suffering voice.

Tadashi ignored him, sitting up to lean forward again. “Okay so if, hypothetically, I was to actually do this, would a fake girlfriend be more effective or a fake boyfriend?”

“Sweetie, she and Cheryl are trying to set you up with Denise, remember?” Aunt Cass pointed out. “Better bring a boyfriend.”

“Oh my God.” Hiro put down his spoon. “Aunt Cass, where’s the swear jar?”

“Living room, bookshelf where it always is,” Tadashi replied. “Hiro, what-”

“Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m hearing this.” Hiro stood up. “I’m gonna go grab a dollar.”

Any other day, Tadashi would have called him out for it, but between the dismay over another awkward family reunion trying to dodge the trifecta of Aunt Evelyn, Cheryl, and Denise, and the faint glimmer of hope that came with a crazy plan, he was just a bit distracted. Was he going to do this? Was he really going to do this? Like Aunt Cass said, there was a very real possibility of this whole thing blowing up in his face, and if that happened, then it wouldn’t just be his own embarrassment to deal with. Tadashi sneaked a glance across the table at his aunt. She acted cavalier about it, but nagging relatives put a strain on her just as easily as running a cafe single-handed. He could see it in the worry lines on her forehead, and the way she downed the rest of her coffee the way some people downed glasses of bourbon. The last thing he wanted to do was make her look bad in front of her family.

“I need to think about this,” he said at length. Almost absent-mindedly he bussed both his and Hiro’s dishes, mentally chewing over the problem before him.

His first thought was to bring Honey Lemon. It was the obvious choice. She was pretty, quick-witted, intelligent, and most of all she possessed the uncanny ability to charm the figurative pants off of anyone she met. Plus, she was good-natured enough to go along with a plan like that. Tadashi felt nothing for her but the warmest of friendship, and she had never given him any indication that she felt otherwise, but they were close enough that exchanging a peck on the cheek every now and then for appearance’s sake wouldn’t be horrible or weird.

But then… well, for one thing Tadashi was at least eighty-five percent sure she had a thing for Wasabi. A very tenuous, slowly-developing, fragile-as-a-new-spring-bud thing. Shaking it up with something like this might not be a good idea. And for another, Cheryl and Aunt Evelyn clearly had their hearts set on throwing him and Denise at each other. He hated to think ill of family, but he wouldn’t put it past his aunt to try and “nudge” him away from any date he might bring. The way they talked up Denise’s virtues in the past, it wouldn’t surprise him if they’d similarly tear down any possible competition.

Gogo certainly had a thicker skin than Honey, but Tadashi seriously doubted that either of them would be able to keep straight faces if they tried to fake a relationship.

And besides - Aunt Cass had encouraged him to bring a fake _boy_ friend, hadn’t she? Maybe if he went with a male date, Cheryl and Aunt Evelyn would just assume he was gay and not bother with him at all anymore.

Wasabi… was certainly friendly, ridiculously smart, and just as good at charming strangers as Honey… but sadly he couldn’t tell a lie to save his life, especially when it came to the more physical side of feigning romantic affection.

No, he needed someone who was good at pretending, preferably charming, thick-skinned, and close enough with him to be comfortable with physical contact. Someone with a high tolerance for the utterly ridiculous.

Tadashi stopped short halfway up the stairs with an incredulous look stamped across his face. “Well when you put it like _that_ , it’s obvious.”

“Who are you talking to?” Hiro called down from their room.

“Phone call,” Tadashi blurted.

“What?”

Tadashi turned and almost fell down the stairs running back to the kitchen. “I have to make a phone call!”

* * *

When Fred’s phone went off with Tadashi’s name across the screen, he had to fight down a stupid flutter in his heart. God, he was so pathetic sometimes. He forced himself to let it ring twice before he picked it up, not wanting to seem too eager, but when he did slide his finger across the screen to answer his hand still shook a little.

“Hello?” he greeted in what he hoped was a casual manner. “What up T-man?”

“ _Ugh, no, that’s another dud, my man,_ ” Tadashi responded with a laugh, the sound sending a warm thrill down Fred’s spine. He hadn’t even been on the phone with Tadashi five seconds and he’d already made him laugh. _Score_.

“I swear, Tadashi, _one of these days_ I will find a nickname that sticks. I swear it on my entire comic collection.” Even though Tadashi couldn’t see him, his fist automatically rose into the air in determination, shaking theatrically to the sky. Tadashi must have had some idea though, because he laughed again. “But I doubt that’s why you were calling,” Fred continued smoothly. “What’s up?”

Tadashi’s laughter cut off abruptly, and immediately Fred was on edge. Nothing that made Tadashi go serious that fast could be any good. He felt his mouth go dry a bit, and he had to swallow thickly.

“ _Actually…_ ” Tadashi began reluctantly, “ _Well, it’s...kind of hard to explain? I kind of need to ask a favour._ ”

Fred subconsciously sat up straighter. “Anything, man.”

“ _It’s a big favour_.”

“I’m all ears, dude. Just say it, and it’s done. What do you need?” He hoped he didn’t sound too eager, but Fred knew himself well enough to know that if Tadashi asked him to bring him the stars on a plate, Fred would already be looking for a ladder. He was so far gone.

“ _Actually, I’d...rather not say it over the phone. Can we...can we talk? In person? Alone?_ ” Tadashi asked nervously. Fred could hear soft shuffling sounds on the other end of the line, and could easily picture Tadashi pacing around the room like he often did when he was stressed out about his robotics project.

A nervous, pacing Tadashi asking Fred if they could meet in private to talk was either Fred’s dream come true or his worst nightmare. His brain had plenty of predictions, starting with ‘he likes me too, he really likes me!’ before pivoting back around to ‘oh god he knows and he’s disgusted and now he’s going to let me down gently.’ It was disorienting, even before it occurred to him that “I need to ask a favor,” was not how people normally framed love confessions. At least, not in comics. Or movies. Which, frankly, were all he really had to go on.

But either way, that kind of thinking would get him nowhere. He took a moment to quickly give his head a shake to clear the thoughts, before refocusing on the phone call. Tadashi had asked him a question, and he was already taking way too long to respond.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want. Just say when and where and I’m there,” Fred said carefully. “Just...is everything okay?”

“ _What? Oh, yeah! Everything’s fine! Like I said, I just really need to ask a favour,_ ” Tadashi explained, sounding much less nervous now. “ _Can you meet me at my lab in an hour or so? There really shouldn’t be anyone around the labs considering it’s a Saturday, but I figure even if there are students there we won’t be bothered if I shut the door_ ”

Fred hastily shoved away a few mental fantasies about what exactly they could get up to behind said shut door if Tadashi were willing.

“In one hour? Yeah, shouldn’t be a problem. You need me to bring anything? Money? Clothes? Food? A getaway vehicle? Fake passport?” Fred asked, already looking around his room for a change of clothes. If by some miracle Tadashi _was_ about to confess his undying love for Fred in all of his dorkiness, he at least wanted to be wearing something nice. Now where was that one shirt that Tadashi said he liked…?

To his happy surprise, his joke managed to startle another laugh out of Tadashi. “ _No, no, you don’t need to bring anything but yourself. Though thanks for immediately assuming I need to escape the country. You must think so highly of me,_ ” Tadashi teased gently. The sounds of pacing had stopped, Fred was happy to hear.

“You know I think the world of you, Tadashi,” Fred joked back. His face warmed, and not for the first time he wished life came with a control-Z feature. _Was that too much? I think that was too much. Way to lay it on thick, Fred._ If only Tadashi knew how honest he was being right now - wait, scratch that, the last thing he wanted was for Tadashi to figure it out.

“ _I can tell._ ” His friend’s voice jarred him out of his thoughts. “ _Anyways, I’ll see you in an hour?_ ”

“An hour,” Fred repeated with a nod. “See you soon!”

“ _See you! And Fred?_ ”

“Yeah?”

“ _Thanks_ ,” Tadashi said quietly. “ _Really_.”

“Any time, man,” Fred told him honestly. And then with a reluctant press of his thumb, he ended the call.

He just stood there for a moment in the middle of his room, his phone in one hand, an old shirt hanging out of the other, trying to get a grip on himself. Then, taking a deep, calming breath like he’d learned from his mom’s favourite yoga instructor slash renovator slash fishing buddy, he tossed the shirt over his shoulder to land on the bed. He had one hour before he needed to be at SFIT which meant he had about twenty minutes to get ready, freak the heck out, and get calm again before he had to leave. Plenty of time, really.

But first, where the _hell_ was that shirt?

* * *

“Tadashi? You in here, buddy?”

Fred stood inside the Ishioka Lab, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet in a vain attempt to work off some of his nervousness. The place was pretty much empty, like Tadashi had said it probably would be. A few of the study rooms and side labs were closed, so maybe there were a few people crazy enough to be in here on a Saturday, but the main area was deserted. It felt bigger with no one around, and Fred was torn between compounding nervousness and the sudden desire to slide around in his socks.

To make matters worse, he hadn’t been able to find that damn shirt. Not that it really would have made a difference in the long run, but he was fairly sure that he would have felt better.

No use worrying about that now, at any rate. Whatever else he might think, Tadashi had called him in asking for help, and there was only one appropriate course of action. With a mental shrug, Fred wandered through the empty, echoey laboratory and nudged through the door into one of the side hallways. Normally he had to count the doors to remember which one was Tadashi’s, but this time the right one had been left ajar, with light streaming into the hallway from inside. Trotting a little, Fred reached the open doorway and rapped gently on it as he stepped inside.

“Hey, man, what’s up?”

Tadashi was there waiting for him, and… well. Fred was no Sherlock Holmes. He acknowledged that he had a slight problem when it came to jumping to conclusions. Not every situation should be taken at face value, especially when people were involved. But as Fred went through the door to find Tadashi pacing and wringing his hands, moving his mouth like he was practicing what to say, his hopes may or may not have skyrocketed a little. His friend looked, of all things, _nervous_. When Fred stepped in, he could have sworn he saw Tadashi jump. Just a little, nothing too obvious. But… man. Fred could _feel_ his heart lift a little. It wasn’t just hope, either; Tadashi was kind of cute when he was jumpy.

_Oh man oh man oh man._ “You okay?” Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady. Wow, this was kind of pathetic actually. He was usually way better at keeping his cool than this.

“Fine,” Tadashi answered, a little too quickly. “Well… actually it kind of depends.” He shook his head. “I mean… wow. Okay.”

“What’s the matter?” Fred asked. He stepped closer, nudging the door further closed as he did so. He didn’t usually see Tadashi look this wigged-out unless finals were coming up.

“Nothing. Well, something.” A pained expression crossed his face. “I just realized that no matter how this conversation ends, I’m kind of in for it either way. But - gah, anyway.”

Fred’s eyes widened hopefully, in what he sort of imagined was close to that watery doe-eyed anime expression. This was sounding more and more like… “You said something about a favor?” he prompted, trying not to sound too anxious.

“Yeah, it’s…” Tadashi pulled a face. “God, this is gonna sound incredibly crazy, and I apologize in advance.”

_Oh believe me, it’s not nearly as crazy as you think._ Fred cracked a grin. “Hey, c’mon. You’re talking to the guy that wrote a thousand-word essay for the privilege of jumping around in a lizard costume, remember? Crazy is kind of, like, my thing.”

He was rewarded by Tadashi’s grateful smile. “Right, somehow I keep forgetting that. Okay.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Y’know what, screw it, I’m just gonna rip off the band-aid. Fred, I need you to be my boyfriend.”

It wasn’t that Fred’s brain stopped working, or that it went blank. Quite the opposite, actually. The words were barely out of Tadashi’s mouth when Fred’s synapses went off like fireworks, flooding his system with pure, unadulterated joy. It was like his brain was suddenly host to its own personal Fourth of July. There were bright lights. There was confused wailing. His mental soundtrack was a glorious mashup of Handel’s “Messiah”, the 1812 Overture, and “Ode to Joy”, performed by the entirety of the LA Philharmonic plus a few electric guitars. In fact, his mind was so abruptly and utterly filled with emotions and internal screaming that the rest of him couldn’t keep up. The result was a blank, slightly slack-jawed expression, plus a faint wheezy noise that sounded a little like “Ebbeh.”

“Okay before you - God you should see your face - before you panic, lemme explain.” Tadashi sounded close to laughing. “This is - actually kind of ridiculous, like someday we’ll look back on this and laugh.”

The aforementioned mental soundtrack abruptly died off, with a few off-key squeaks from the woodwind section. Fred blinked. “...What?”

“So, I have this family reunion thing coming up,” Tadashi explained. “And for reasons I don’t know, my aunt - not Aunt Cass, a different aunt - keeps inviting this friend of hers, so they can tag-team me to try and set me up with her daughter. The friend’s daughter, not - not my aunt’s. That’d… that’d be pretty gross.”

Somehow Fred managed to keep a straight face even as his inner Neanderthal swung its club and shrieked with inarticulate rage. “I… uh, okay...”

Tadashi averted his eyes briefly, looking horrifically embarrassed. “So yeah, I need to get them off my back while also making it look like Aunt Cass has raised me to be a well-adjusted individual, so I figured bringing a date would accomplish both.” He paused as if he was finished, before quickly going on. “J-just to be clear, this is an extremely temporary kind of situation. No strings attached, it’s just one week and then we never have to speak of it again.”

“W-wait, so…” Fred stopped to keep from stammering. “You mean, you need me to be, like… a fake boyfriend.”

Tadashi offered a sheepish smile. “Yeah, don’t worry, I’m not actually asking you out, this is just to get a few pushy relatives off my back, you know?”

“...Oh.” Fred blinked at him, struck speechless. It was a little disorienting, having one of his dreams fulfilled and then crushed in the space of less than a minute. “I. Uh.”

“I realize it’s a completely insane idea,” Tadashi added, in a more subdued tone of voice. “But… well, I can’t really put the past few years of unsubtle passive-aggressive hinting into words, but I’m kind of grasping at straws at this point. I’ll try anything. But, y’know, it’s only a request, so if you’re not comfortable with it I completely understand-”

“I didn’t say that,” Fred blurted before he could stop himself. “Did I say no? I don’t think I did.”

“Oh.” Tadashi blinked at him, looking hopeful, and Fred’s stomach twisted a little at that look. How was he supposed to say no to that look? “You mean…”

Fred bit his lip to keep himself from blurting out anything else. _Come on, Fred, what the hell are you thinking? This is a bad idea. This is the worst idea._ “What exactly… would this entail?” he asked finally. “I mean, what would I have to do?”

“Well, the reunion’s a week long,” Tadashi answered. “We’ll be staying at my Aunt Evelyn’s house, pretty big place, she and her husband are kinda rich. I’ll probably just introduce you around to my relatives, and we’ll have to… well, act like a couple, I guess. Hand-holding, close contact, maybe some PG-rated PDA if it looks like they aren’t buying it.” Fred’s heart did a stupid fluttery thing, and he mentally told it to shut the hell up. “You’ll also… uh, we’re definitely gonna run into Cheryl and Denise. Cheryl’s my Aunt Evelyn’s friend, and Denise is Cheryl’s daughter that they keep trying to set me up with.” _Note to self: set Cheryl and Denise to ‘dislike’,_ Fred thought. “And to be honest, they’ve been really set on matchmaking, so I wouldn’t put it past them to get a little mean. Sorry in advance. And… that’s about all I can think of. Starts next weekend, so we have some time to prepare.” Finished, Tadashi glanced at Fred’s face as if searching for a reaction.

Fred stared back at him, mind working at several times the appropriate speed limit. _Definitely a bad idea. Faking PDA? How are you supposed to do that when you’re already ass over head for him? He’s gonna find out. It’s gonna go wrong. It’s going to end in tears, and maybe he won’t want to be your friend after it’s over. You’ll have less than what you started with. Don’t do it. Don’t do this to yourself._

And yet…

_What other chance am I going to have?_ Fred’s throat bobbed as he swallowed past his nervousness. _It’s something. Maybe it’s not real, but it’s something. One week, and then I can be okay with that much. Yeah, that’s it! It’ll get it out of my system. I’ll just play along, and he won’t even notice because he’ll just assume I’m playing the part. It’s not the same, but it’s more than I have._

“Okay,” he said out loud. “Sounds like fun.”

Tadashi brightened immediately, which destroyed any leftover inclination Fred might have had to back out. “Really? You’ll do it?”

“Sure.” Fred shrugged, grinning. “What are bros for, right? I know how pushy relatives can be, so if you need some help pushing back, I’m happy to.”

He wasn’t quite prepared for Tadashi to hug him, but at least he was used to it. Tadashi was all about the guy hugs. Still, he returned it with some level of caution - the last thing he needed right now was to pop an accidental boner. “Thank you.” Tadashi’s voice was a little muffled by the hug. “You don’t know what this means to me.”

“Same,” Fred answered, which was a neutral reply that could have been taken to mean anything.

But really - Tadashi had no idea how much this meant to Fred, either.


	2. The Best-Laid Plans

Fred showed up bright and early at the Lucky Cat the next day, ready to start what Tadashi had called “Family Reunion Boot Camp” and he privately called “The start of either the best days or the worst days of his life.” When he arrived, the cafe wasn’t even technically open yet, but he could see Tadashi’s aunt bustling around inside, flipping chairs down from off of the cafe tables and wiping them down with a rag. She looked up absently when he knocked lightly on the door, and when she caught sight of him her face broke out into a huge grin.

“Fred!” she greeted him cheerfully as she threw open the door to let him in. “Welcome! Tadashi told me you’d be coming. Thank you _so_ much for doing this for him, by the way, you have no idea how much he’ll appreciate it.”

“Oh, yeah, no prob,” Fred managed to choke out as he followed her into the cafe, a little caught off guard. He hadn’t realized that Tadashi was going to be telling his family about their charade, but when he thought about it, it made sense. It would be impossible to trick the people who were closest to Tadashi, and this way they’d also have allies. Perfectly logical. “Tadashi’s my buddy, gotta help him out. It’s in the bro code.”

Cass laughed, already returning to cleaning off tables and getting the cafe ready to open. “I’ll have to take your word on that one,” she told him as she reached out and pulled another chair down.

Seeing that there were more chairs that needed to be set on the floor, Fred started clearing another table. It was only the polite thing to do after all. But when Cass heard the scrape of the chair legs against the linoleum, she glanced up.

“Oh, goodness, Fred, no! You don’t need to do that!” she said, heading over in his direction and waving her rag at him. “It’s okay, I’ve got this. Why don’t you go and head on up to find Tadashi. He and Hiro were up late last night I think, I thought I heard them arguing about something or other, and they’re both running a bit behind.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, trying to be polite, but she all but yanked the next chair out of his hands and set it down.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now go on. And if you see Hiro, can you make sure he hurries up? He’s supposed to be helping me on cash this morning.” She glanced upwards and then rolled her eyes. “Knowing that boy he’s fallen asleep at the kitchen table. Again.”

“O...kay then?” Fred drawled out, but Cass merely shooed him once more with a flick of her hand, already starting to wipe down the table, so Fred figured that was as good a cue to leave as any. He headed for the doorway behind the cafe counter, which he knew from previous visits would lead to the kitchen, and then a set of stairs to the house above.

As he walked up the stairs, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny flutter in his stomach. He was finally going to meet Hiro, Tadashi’s fabled younger brother that the robotics student had been telling them about for years, but they’d never met. He couldn’t help but wonder what Hiro would really be like now that he would get to meet him in person. Based on Tadashi’s stories of the kid, he was kind of picturing some sort of fusion between Albert Einstein, Denis the Menace, and a fluffy bunny.

But when he reached the top of the stairs and walked into the upstairs house’s kitchen, there were no bunnies. Just a kid with really fluffy black hair who looked like he couldn’t be older than twelve, sitting and eating cereal. The boy looked enough like Tadashi though, that Fred knew he couldn’t be anyone but Hiro.

_Well, then. Time to make a good first impression. No pressure, Fred._

“Uh. Hey,” Fred greeted. “S’up, little dude?”

Hiro stopped eating his cereal mid chew and turned his head ever so slowly to look in Fred’s direction, as if only just realizing there was another human being in the vicinity. The look he gave Fred was so unimpressed that Fred was half-tempted to pretend he didn’t speak english and just run away to another country and never return so that he could avoid such terrible judgement in the future.

But then he spotted the Cheerio that was currently stuck to Hiro’s face. As he watched it sloooooowly came loose, ploping back down into the bowl of cereal with a tiny splash. Hiro didn’t even blink. He just started chewing again, his jaw working rhythmically, still staring at Fred with half-lidded eyes.

And that was the point Fred realized that Hiro was basically still asleep sitting up.

“Yeeeeaaaaah, okay,” Fred said slowly, backing away towards the rest of the house. “Good talk. I’ll just...let you finish eating then.” Without waiting to see if Hiro would say anything else, Fred turned and left the kitchen area, trying to remember from the one time Tadashi had invited the group all over for a movie night where everything was. Now where had Tadashi said his room was, again?

Looking around, Fred saw there was another set of stairs heading up to the third level, and a bedroom door cracked open around the corner from the kitchen, but judging by the floral bedspread, that was probably Tadashi’s aunt’s. So up the stairs he went, figuring that was his safest bet.

He passed by Mochi on the way up, and he paused long enough to give the fat furball a scratch under the chin. Mochi immediately started purring and butting his head against Fred’s fingers, languishing under the attention. Fred couldn’t help but smile.

“At least _you’re_ happy to see me,” he muttered to the cat. Mochi simply purred louder, flopping onto his back to expose his belly. But Fred had known enough cats to recognize it for the trap it was. “Ah ah ah! Nice try kitty, but I’m not falling for that one.”

As if Mochi realized he wasn’t going to get to play his favourite game of human-handpuppet-chew-toy, he rolled back over with a grumble before sauntering his way down the rest of the stairs, his pudge bouncing slightly on each step. Fred watched the kitty go with a shake of his head before continuing on his way.

“Yo, Tadashi!” he greeted with a grin as he finally crested the staircase, “sorry to just rush in on you like this, but I was - _guh_.”

“Fred?” Tadashi called out, whirling around to face the landing. “Oh man, I really _am_ running late, crap.”

But Fred couldn’t hear him over the high-pitched whining sound his brain was currently making, like one of Heathcliff’s proper teakettles coming to a boil. All at once he realized that Tadashi’s room apparently didn’t have a door between it and the stairs, and the sliding divider he apparently used to hide his bed was wide open.

And he was right in the middle of getting dressed.

“Haaaaaa,” was all Fred managed to say.

_Tadashi wears boxer briefs_ , his mind happily noticed. He wasn’t quite sure what his brain was going to do with said information, but it was quite pleased with the little tidbit all the same. His brain cells carefully placed the information in a mental treasure chest, to be cherished for all eternity. This was the best day of his life. 

“Uh, Fred?” Tadashi called out again, looking very concerned. “You okay?”

Tadashi’s voice managed to break through the happy fog that had settled over Fred’s mind like an pickaxe through ice. Scratch that, worst day of his life. He was standing in the middle of his crush’s bedroom, staring at said half-naked crush, about to spring a boner, all the while _Tadashi was looking at him_.

_Abort, abort_! He immediately slapped a grin on his face, praying it didn’t look creepy, and hoped that would give his brain cells a chance to reboot. “Heeeey, yeah! Heeeeey, Tadashi, old buddy, old pal, old friend o’ mine. Yeah. Everything is cool, everything is awesome. Like, completely normal levels of awesome, though, you know? Like, just your typical normal awesome day, nothing special about it. It’s all good. Yeah. You? Ho-how you doin?”

It hadn’t worked. His brain had betrayed him. The only thing that stopped him from smacking his forehead against a wall to kill said brain cells as punishment was the fact that Tadashi was watching him. And still kind of looking at him funny.

But then, to Fred’s absolute relief, Tadashi’s face suddenly split into a huge jaw-cracking yawn, ending with him smacking his lips a little, and Fred realized that Tadashi was just about as awake as Hiro downstairs. On closer inspection, he could see that Tadashi had only managed to put on one sock, and was about to throw on a shirt inside-out. Oh thank Zordon, maybe Tadashi was too drowsy to notice how weird Fred was being.

“Um, dude? You might wanna...give that shirt a second look,” Fred suggested carefully, pointing at the tag sticking out on the wrong side. Tadashi blinked down at the article of clothing like it was some foreign or alien device he’d never encountered before and was puzzling at its function, before understanding slowly bloomed over his face.

“Oooh yeah. Thanks, Fred,” Tadashi said with a smile, before carefully inverting the shirt and slipping it over his head. Backwards.

Fred bit his lip. He would not laugh in Tadashi’s face or call him cute, he would _not_. “No problem, man,” he said instead. And if his voice was a little high-pitched, trying to contain his giggles, Tadashi was still too asleep to notice.

Thankfully though he was awake enough to realize that he should probably close the screen while he finished getting dressed, so Fred was saved from watching a half-naked Tadashi move around his room and then dying of blood loss while all of his blood went south. Still, a small part of him couldn’t help but mourn the loss. Tadashi looked _really_ good in boxer briefs.

“He wears boxer briefs!” Fred whispered happily to himself, still giddy with the discovery.

“What was that?”

“Uuuuum, nothing!” Fred responded quickly, deciding that now on all of his gleeful celebrating would be _internal_ thank you very much. Much safer that way.

+++

After Tadashi finished getting dressed (and successfully got his shirt on the right way), the two boys headed down to the living area. Hiro was gone from the kitchen, probably down in the cafe already, but his dishes remained which Tadashi put away with a grumble. Once the table was clear, he and Fred sat, and Tadashi pulled out a big sheet of paper made of lots of little sheets taped together. Fred eyed it with a hint of excitement and more than a little trepidation.

“I figured the best way to, uh, ‘prepare you for enemy territory’ so to speak, is to introduce you to the family. ‘Know thine enemy’ and all that,” Tadashi explained carefully.

Fred’s eyes darted over the family tree, immediately spotting Tadashi’s name off to the side. Hiro and him were connected as brothers, branching down from their parents. He also saw Cass connected to Tadashi’s mom as sisters, and then up to their parents. But that was pretty much all there was to their immediate family. The rest of the group seemed to branch off from a single Great Aunt, their grandmother’s sister. A quick count of the names showed 21 people, including what looked like a new baby.

Compared to Fred’s extensive pedigree, written out in gilded ink on parchment and hanging in his mother’s office back home, it really wasn’t all that impressive. But it was Tadashi’s family, and that’s what made it important.

“This is really only my mom’s side,” Tadashi continued, running a finger absently over the lines connecting parents to children, siblings to each other. “My dad’s side is mostly back in Japan, so we don’t see them as often. We try to go out every other summer, or so, when we can afford to, but we haven’t had the chance much lately. That’s why Aunt Cass thinks it’s so important to go to these reunions, even when our family sometimes drives us nuts. Because family is important, and you need to remember to appreciate each other. And spend time together. Because, well. Because you’re family, right?”

_Oh god, please stop making me fall in love with you over and over,_ was what Fred really wanted to say. Instead, he merely nodded along. “No, that makes perfect sense. Your family is _supposed_ to drive you nuts, right? That’s what makes them family.”

Tadashi rewarded him with a bright smile. “Yeah, exactly! And honestly, for the most part they’re not so bad. I mean, Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Donald are probably the worst, and they’re not _so_ bad. They’re not criminals or cruel or anything like that, they’re just...really stuck up,” he finished with a sour look. Fred couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh man, I’m sure I’ve dealt with people like them before, don’t worry,” Fred assured Tadashi carefully, thinking of all of the rich people parties his parents had dragged him to as a kid. Tadashi didn’t seem convinced though, judging by his expression, so Fred took a chance and laid a hand on his arm. He even dared to give it a little squeeze. “Dude, I swear. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Tadashi visibly melted. “That’s what I had been thinking when I picked you,” he admitted, unconsciously stabbing a dagger into Fred’s heart. “I knew you’d be able to handle my family better than anyone. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting yourself into.”

Fred hoped that his smile hadn’t cracked at Tadashi’s words like it felt his heart had. Right, Tadashi had called on him because he figured Fred could play the part best, not for any other reason. Of course. He had to keep reminding himself, this was all fake. It wasn’t real.

But god he wished it could be.

“Relax Tadling, I got this,” Fred tried to say casually, letting go of Tadashi’s arm and leaning back in his chair to get some distance.

Tadashi scrunched up his nose and laughed. “Another miss there. Besides, if we’re going to be ‘dating’, don’t you think you should be calling me cute things?”

“Like what?” Fred asked, his pulse jumping a bit.

“I don’t know,” Tadashi trailed off, thinking. “What about...honey?”

Fred immediately shook his head. “Too boring. They’d see right through it right away. Besides, I’ll keep looking around for Honey Lemon.”

“Good point. Cupcake?”

“Nope. _Too_ cutesie.”

“Muffin?”

“As in cupcake without the frosting?” Fred gave Tadashi a flat look.

He threw up his hands and laughed. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. What abooooout….Freddy Bear.”

If Fred had been drinking anything, he would have snorted it out of his nose. “Oh my god, _no_ , that’s even _worse_!”

“Hmmmm, how about…” Suddenly Tadashi’s eyes lit up, and his whole body seemed to perk up with an idea. “Oh, no. I have the _perfect_ pet name for you.”

“Oh?” Fred prompted, half expecting something even worse than Freddy Bear. “Go on.”

“Gorgeous,” Tadashi announced in his deep, still-slightly-gravelly-from-waking-up voice, and Fred almost came at the breakfast table.

“Whaaaaaat? No, no way. _I’m_ not the gorgeous one, _you’re_ the gorgeous one. If anything that should be my pet name for _you_.”

But Tadashi just looked far too pleased with himself. “Nope. That’s the one I’m picking for you. I shall call you gorgeous, and you shall be mine, and you shall be my gorgeous.”

“Aw, come on, you can’t quote Finding Nemo at me, that’s not fair!”

“Too late, already did,” Tadashi informed him cheekily, sticking out his tongue. “Now you have to come up with a name for me!”

Fred had so many names that he used for Tadashi in his brain that he could probably fill up an entire dictionary with them all, but all of them would have seemed a bit over-the-top in this situation and so his mind completely drew a blank. Casting desperately for anything, _anything_ he could use that wouldn’t immediately out him as the creep he was, he noticed a DVD copy of Return of the King sitting on the TV stand, and immediately he latched on to that.

“Precious!” he announced, probably more loudly than appropriate, but he was just happy to have a suggestion. And the more he thought about it, the better the idea sounded. Because after all, Tadashi _was_ precious to him. “Yeah, that’s - that’s my pet name for you. Precious.”

Tadashi gave Fred a confused look at first, but after glancing over his shoulder towards the TV and spotting the movie, understanding washed over his face. “Yes, Fred that’s perfect! Okay. So Gorgeous and Precious. We can work with that.”

“Man, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of cheesy,” Fred pointed out with a grin.

“Yeah, but it’s the exact kind of cheesy we need. We should probably practice though, to make sure they come natural to us, right?” Tadashi gave him a weak smile and shrugged his shoulders, suddenly looking nervous. “Actually, we should probably practice a lot of things.”

“Yeah,” Fred agreed lowly. “You’re probably right.”

The two of them fell silent for a moment as the full impact of what they were attempting to do hit them both at once. They were going to have to spend a full week acting like a lovey-dovey couple, and sell it well enough to convince Tadashi’s family, some of the people who knew Tadashi best in the whole world.

And on top of that, Fred had to keep his actual crush hidden. Whoo boy. This was gonna be one hell of a week.

“Hey. We’ve got a week to practice, right?” Fred eventually said nonchalantly. “We can get the hang of this stuff in a week, can’t we? Precious?”

Tadashi’s face did a funny little squirm at the sound of his new nickname, but he managed to hold it together without laughing. Or fainting, which was probably what Fred would have done. “Yeah, that’s right...Gorgeous. We’ve got time.”

Fighting a stupid grin from his face, Fred reached out and pulled the family tree closer to his side of the table. “Well then, why don’t we get started?” he decided. “Let’s start by figuring out this family of yours. Who the heck is this person?”

Fred was too busy poring over the scribbled names to notice the fleeting look Tadashi gave him. It was full of fondness and appreciation, and something a little bit more. But it was gone in a flash, Fred completely missing it, and the two boys settled down to figure out Tadashi’s family.

+++

“Do it,” Hiro said flatly.

“Um…” Fred’s eye twitched slightly. Tadashi couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen them look that gigantic. Was that because Fred was just as freaked out as he was, or because their faces were about ten inches apart? He couldn’t tell, and dwelling on it was kind of useless at this point.

“Do it,” Hiro repeated in an exaggerated stage whisper. “Do it or you’re a pansy.”

“Hiro, you’re not helping,” Tadashi gritted out. “Don’t you have homework or something?”

Hiro didn’t move, but continued to watch them from his perch on the nearest armchair, chin resting in his palms. “I graduated, doofus. Are you guys going to practice the liplock or not?”

“Why is he even here?” Fred whispered loudly. “Is he here to gather photo evidence? Because I’m not about that, okay man?”

“Don’t you mean ‘precious’?” Hiro piped up gleefully.

“I don’t know, he’s worse than Mochi,” Tadashi hissed back. “But don’t worry, I hid his phone.”

With a touch of satisfaction, Tadashi saw his brother sit up straighter, bristling in irritation. “Wait a minute, so that was you?” Hiro demanded. “What was that for?”

Tadashi tried to tune him out. “Just ignore him. Better yet, this is practice. I mean, the whole point of this is because we’re gonna have to do this in front of people, isn’t it?”

“W-well yeah, but-” Fred squeaked. “Look, you don’t teach someone to swim by tossing them in the deep end and telling them to kick, do you? Can’t we start easy?”

“You know what, Fred, I would _love_ to,” Tadashi said pointedly. “Why don’t we do exactly that?”

“You can’t hide, bro,” Hiro drawled. “I know this house just as good as you do.”

“Hiro please leave!” Tadashi turned his head slightly so he wasn’t completely yelling it in Fred’s face.

“Nope, I’m here to watch you make a fool out of yourself before you do it in front of our entire family,” Hiro said, his voice shaking as he tried not to laugh. “C’mon, it’s important to me. Or dare I say… _preciou-_ ”

“Fred maybe if we gross him out he’ll leave,” Tadashi suggested. “So - just - I mean we might as well…?” Why was this so hard? He’d picked Fred because it should have been the _least_ awkward.

Hiro smirked from his vantage point. “Just do it, you wimp.”

“Hiro, I swear,” Tadashi gritted out of the corner of his mouth.

“Oh wow I’m under a lot of pressure right now.” Fred’s voice was an octave or two higher than normal, and Tadashi had to stop and pull back an inch or two for a moment. Embarrassment was one thing, but this was the first time so far that he’d seen Fred look… scared? Was that the right word for it? Tadashi didn’t think it was fear; at least, he didn’t think it was _just_ fear. But whatever it was, Fred had gone far past awkward cringing and spluttering and into the area of staring wide-eyed, twitching a little, and generally looking like he wanted to bolt. Sympathy made Tadashi’s chest hurt - this was hardly Fred’s fault, anyway. Tadashi had gone over what he needed when he’d first proposed this whole idea to Fred, but it had taken both of them a little longer to really understand what it meant. There’d be bumps, but pushing Fred into fear territory didn’t sit right with him.

“Fred, are you sure you’re alright with this?” he asked, ignoring the big-brother instinct that told him _Hiro is probably rolling his eyes about now._ “It’s fine if you’re not. You can back out if you want, or we could figure a way around it.” Fred blinked at him, looking ready to answer, but Tadashi shook his head. “Seriously. The last thing I want to do is push you into something you’re really not comfortable with.”

“You guys are being pansies,” Hiro broke in.

Tadashi’s patience ran out. “ _Hiro._ ” His head whipped to the side, and he fixed his brother with a glare. Hiro blinked, and the mocking smile left his face like it had been wiped off. “If all you feel like doing is to pointing and laughing, then find someone else to annoy. Go out and judge people for badgering Aunt Cass about superfoods, I don’t care. Just do it somewhere else.”

On his way out, Hiro did that thing where he rolled his eyes to pretend he wasn’t cowed.

Tadashi shook his head, running his hand through his hair to hide his irritation. “Sorry about that. He’s my brother and I love him, but - well, remember what we said about family driving you-” He promptly stopped talking, because it was kind of hard to talk with Fred’s mouth on his. It was a brief, shy kiss - just a meeting of lips, nothing more than that. Tadashi twitched, startled, and barely managed to return it before Fred pulled back. His friend’s face was beet red, and he was still wide-eyed but it was an embarrassed look instead of an uncomfortable one.

“S-sorry.” Fred’s voice cracked on the way out. “I just needed to psych myself up, y’know, and I wasn’t sure how long that was gonna last so I just went for it. Was that okay? I mean if we’re only doing it for show we probably shouldn’t get too into it or else it’ll look gross. I-I-I mean not that kissing you is gross, but… like… some people think gratuitous PDA is weird and it’s your family so it’s not like tongue’s necessary or anything but _wow okay I’m gonna stop talking now-_ ”

Tadashi caught him by the shoulder, steadying him. “Fred. Hey.” He grinned sheepishly. “I think this is kinda weird for both of us. Let’s just… y’know, not rush it.” Immediately he realized how that sounded, and rolled his eyes. “Just listen to me. Anyway, hopefully that paved the way a little, so maybe it’ll get less awkward, but for now I think we can afford to take a break.”

Immediately Fred looked immensely relieved. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” The floor drew his eyes, and he shifted from foot to foot. “Sheesh, this is a lot weirder than I thought it’d be.”

“Tell me about it.” It felt good to laugh it off a little, like physically shaking off the tension. “Let’s just - you know what, I feel like distracting myself with dumb movies. I can grab my laptop, actually. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000, but-”

Fred gaped at him. He’d been doing that a lot today, and Tadashi found it kind of hard to blame him. “Wait, you watch MST3K?”

“Yeah.” Tadashi grinned, a little embarrassed. “I like the humor, and there’re a lot of episodes up on Youtube.”

Fred was still staring at him, mouth hanging open a little. “...I love MST3K.”

“Cool. Hang on while I get my computer.”

Once he was settled on the couch with his laptop in front of him and a Youtube video buffering, he felt Fred scoot a bit closer. Tadashi tilted the screen to the side to make sure Fred could see, and was mildly surprised when Fred shifted over again and settled against his side. Their knees touched.

“Hey, we’re supposed to be dating, right?” Fred said by way of explanation. “Easy practice. Might as well get used to the casual touchy-feely stuff.”

“Ah, good point.” Tadashi nodded, and turned back to the screen.

+++

This was worth the awkward kiss, Fred decided.

He considered slipping his hand into Tadashi’s and lacing their fingers together, and calling it more “practice.” But this was a comfortable position already, so he decided it was better not to press his luck. There was a lot to learn just doing this, sitting curled up next to Tadashi and watching robots mock a bunch of B movies.

He learned, for example, that there was a world of difference between seeing Tadashi laugh, and being close enough to feel it.


	3. The Eve of Battle

The first day of the reunion was drawing ever nearer. After a few days of practice, Tadashi felt decidedly more comfortable with things like holding Fred’s hand, sitting close to him, and calling him gorgeous. And Fred, as Tadashi had hoped, was pretty resilient through it all. The first day he’d been a stuttery mess - both of them had been, to be honest - but now he was almost nonchalant about it. Not that he acted indifferent; being relaxed was one thing, but it would’ve been counter-productive to act like this stuff didn’t mean anything. But Fred just made it look… understated. Natural, almost. Like it was just more comfortable that way. Gogo probably would have turned it into a joke, and Wasabi probably would’ve taken months to be comfortable with the idea, but Fred? Well, Fred was just giving Tadashi more and more evidence that he’d made the right choice.

Still, though, they needed breaks from time to time. Every now and then, it was a bit of a relief to separate and laugh off the leftover awkwardness and just be best friends again.

“You know,” Fred said thoughtfully over a cup of coffee, “Lovey-dovey is okay, I guess, but it also might not be such a good idea all the time, you know?”

Tadashi put his mug down. “How do you mean?”

“Well, we don’t want to, like, _fawn_ over each other or anything, right?” Fred pointed out. “‘Cause then it looks like we’re overdoing it. If we sit around staring into each other’s eyes and calling each other schmoopsy-poo, they’ll figure out something’s up, y’know?”

Tadashi spluttered with laughter at the image. “Y-yeah, I see your point.”

“Also I figure, if we focus too much on the lovey-dovey thing, one of us is gonna break character and laugh. Whether it’s ‘cause it’s funny or we get nervous or whatever... “ His voice trailed off. “I can just see myself messing up, you know?”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Tadashi assured him. “I’m getting a little worried about that too. I mean, I gotta sell this to a bunch of people who know me, some of whom have known me since I was in diapers.” He shifted uneasily in his seat. “It starts in just a few days, and the panic’s starting to creep up on me.”

“It’s worse than finals week,” Fred groaned. “It’s like I have this huge test coming up and no matter how hard I study, I’m never gonna feel ready.”

“Heh.” Tadashi took another sip from his mug. “Will it make you feel better if we go over my relatives again?”

Fred snorted. “Nah. Seriously, does _anyone_ actually take the time to memorize their date’s entire extended family? C’mon, dude, I’m pretending to be your boyfriend, not the dowager empress’s long-lost granddaughter.”

Tadashi spluttered again, almost choking on his drink. He recovered from the inhaled coffee, but that only cleared the way for more laughter. “Oh man, the mental images - promise me something, Fred. If we have to ballroom-dance at any point, just - just don’t even bother. Just shoot me at that point. Put me out of my misery.”

(If he hadn’t been busy laughing at the mental image of Fred in an Anastasia dress, he wouldn’t have missed the brief look of hurt on his friend’s face.)

“Heh, I’ll keep that in mind,” Fred replied. “Seriously, though, I’m trying not to sweat it. However ready we are, that’s how ready we are, you know? And it’s not like we have to humiliate ourselves just to sell it.”

“Agreed,” Tadashi said once he’d recovered his composure. “Mouth-kissing is a last resort, too, I think. Like if we really desperately need to convince someone. Or if we need a distraction. Right?”

“R-right,” Fred answered. Tadashi could see a tinge of pink on his face again; yeah, Fred was still a little weird about that part. Toning it down and appearing lukewarm in front of his relatives was far preferable to forcing him into something seriously uncomfortable.

“How about this - cheek or forehead by default, if we’re gonna kiss in front of people?” he suggested. “My cousin Amy’s married, and they’re still pretty understated with how they are around each other.” Tadashi shrugged. “Like you said, people find overdone PDA weird.”

He knew he wasn’t imagining the look of slight relief on Fred’s face when he said that. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Precious,” he added impishly.

They both had a brief chuckle at that. Fred’s was the first to die off, and for a quiet moment after that they both stared into their respective coffee mugs. Tadashi was in the middle of taking another polite sip when Fred broke the silence again.

“Do you really think we can pull this off?” he asked. “We’ve been treating this whole thing like a joke half the time and a zany scheme for the rest, but like… do you think they’re actually gonna buy it? Seriously, if it means helping you, and making your life easier and stuff, then I really want this to work out.”

Tadashi glanced up at him, both faintly surprised and touched. “Fred, you know it’s not a life or death thing, it’s just pushy relatives. If it fails, it’s not the end of the world.”

“I know, but…” Fred rested his chin in his palm, looking thoughtful. “Look, I won’t go into detail, but, that thing people do where they try and push you into something you don’t want, because they want something from you, or they think they know what’s good for you, or they’re talking like they’re looking out for you and stuff, I know what that’s like. It sucks. Last thing I want is you having to put up with that.”

“...Oh,” Tadashi replied, not sure what else to say. “Thanks, Fred. We’ll be okay, though. Besides, however this turns out, it’s something we can look back on and laugh at someday.”

“Hope so.”

“I think we’ll be fine,” Tadashi assured him.

“I think you’re both being idiots,” Hiro said flatly, wandering into the kitchen with a muffled yawn. Tadashi cast a disapproving eye in his direction, which Hiro either didn’t see or simply ignored. Without looking at them, Hiro pulled a saucepan out of the cabinet and set about making hot chocolate.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Fred muttered. Clearly, now that the wonder of meeting Tadashi’s fabled little brother had worn off, he was starting to see Hiro for the little pain in the ass he really was. Tadashi hoped Fred wouldn’t decide to sue him for false advertising or something.

“You’re welcome,” Hiro answered as he set the pan of milk on the burner. “But seriously, if you’re stressing out about being convincing, you might as well not.”

“Why’s that?” Tadashi asked.

Hiro carefully lined up cocoa powder, sugar, and vanilla extract on the counter by the stove. “Look, there’s only three people you actually have to convince. That’s Aunt Evelyn and her two tagalongs. Everybody else, they’re not involved. Sure, they’ll be interested on the first or second day, and Uncle Donald’s probably gonna say something passive-aggressive about you being apparently gay, but once the novelty’s gone, nobody’s gonna care.” Carefully he poured in ingredients and stirred with a spoon. “They’re gonna take one look at Fred, maybe poke him with a stick, and then they’ll be like ‘welp, looks like Aunt Cass didn’t raise a basement-dwelling shut-in after all,’ and then as long as you don’t do anything dumb, they’re gonna ignore you, pretty much.”

“How do you know that?” Fred asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s pretty much what happened when our cousin Amy brought her fiance. Remember that, Tadashi?” Hiro continued to stir. “Just focus on dodging Aunt Evelyn and Cheryl and Denise, and you’ll be fine.”

“Uncle Donald, too,” Tadashi muttered.

“Nah,” Hiro grunted dismissively. “Uncle Donald doesn’t give a crap. If this year’s like all the others, we’re barely gonna see him at all. This is all Aunt Evelyn and her friends.”

“You have a point.” Tadashi heaved a sigh. “I just wish I knew what her problem is.”

“Beats me,” Hiro said with a shrug. “Not like I care. This is your mess, not mine.” He flashed a wide, Cheshire-cat grin over his shoulder at them. “I’m just there to spectate.”

“I am going to _throw_ you at Great Aunt Lucy.”

Hiro cackled and flicked his hot chocolate spoon at them both, sending Fred and Tadashi scrambling for cover.

* * *

Despite Hiro’s nonchalant attitude about it, Fred and Tadashi decided they needed to attempt one final test, to see if they were ready and they could really pull it off. So bright and early on Friday morning, just over 24 hours before they’d be heading out to the reunion, found Tadashi and Fred sitting together at one of the cafe’s tables, casually playing footsie and sharing a slice of Aunt Cass’ pecan pie.

They’d decided if they could pull off the act in the middle of the crowded cafe, under the semi-watchful eye of Aunt Cass, then they were ready.

Only their ‘crowded cafe’ turned out to be just them, Aunt Cass behind the counter sorting the pastries, and little old Mrs Matsuda, who seemed to be more interested in her phone than whatever they were up to. Fred pointedly ignored what looked like the Tinder app on her screen. He did _not_ want to know.

“Here, precious,” Fred gave his best effort at a flirtatious giggle, with mixed results. He held a piece of pie delicately on his fork, hovering near Tadashi’s mouth. “Open wide.” He figured this was a typical couples activity, wasn’t it? Feeding each other? He’d seen it often enough in his mom’s favourite romantic comedies, and surely they were based on some sort of real life facts, right?

This close, he could see the embarrassed flush on Tadashi’s cheeks, but he hoped it wouldn’t be too noticeable from a distance. There was a moment’s hesitation, and then Tadashi parted his lips, his eyes going half-lidded as he waited for Fred to push the sweet dessert into his mouth.

_Oh god, suddenly realizing this was a bad idea_ , Fred thought to himself. There was no way that Tadashi was doing it on purpose, but right now, with the faint blush across Tadashi’s cheeks, his parted lips and hooded eyes, Fred’s mind could only go in one direction. His hand froze as he swallowed around a suddenly dry throat, and the piece of pie dropped off of his fork and onto the tabletop.

Across the room, Aunt Cass paused in wiping down the counter to give the most unladylike snort.

“Whoops!” Tadashi chuckled, missing the way Fred was now shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I guess I wasn’t ready. Sorry, gorgeous.”

“No! No problem!” Fred all but yelped. “Here, why don’t I get us another slice, to make up for it,” he said hastily, before getting to his feet so quickly that he almost knocked his chair over. “I’ll be right back!”

He hoped no one noticed if he was walking a little bit strangely. God, all he had to do was get to the counter. If he ordered something really fancy with lots of froth, it would take Aunt Cass long enough to make it that he’d have a chance to calm down. He shuffled awkwardly out of his chair and around the table, aiming to make a beeline for the counter.

But all of the sudden there was a forceful pressure around his left buttcheek, and Fred let out a high-pitched squeal that pierced the quiet of the all but empty cafe.

Fred froze.

Ever so slowly, he turned around to face Tadashi. To his credit, Tadashi looked absolutely horrified with himself, staring first at Fred, and then down at his own hand like it had betrayed him somehow. His face was as red as Fred’s felt.

“I-I’m _really_ sorry,” Tadashi stuttered, completely flustered. He started shaking his hand vigorously, as if he could somehow remove whatever had apparently possessed it. “I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, I just thought of it, and then I didn’t stop to _think_ about it and then - oh god, Fred, I’m so, _so_ sorry. That was way too far. I promise, I’ll never do that again.”

The part of Fred that was aware that Tadashi’s aunt and Mrs Matsuda were watching them right now agreed with this plan. But it was a very small part. The rest of Fred very much wished the two of them were alone right now, so he could show Tadashi exactly how much he _hadn’t_ minded the butt-grab. There was no fighting it now. He _definitely_ had a boner.

“Um,” was all he managed to squeak out.

Tadashi only looked more mortified. He scrambled out of his chair, the scraping legs screeching across the cafe floor, and reached out to Fred’s arm. “Seriously, Fred. That was really stupid and mean of me. Are you okay?”

“Boys?” Aunt Cass called out from behind the counter. She hadn’t seen exactly what had happened, but she could probably tell from their body language that something was up. Oh god, she was going to come over. Oh god, she was going to _see_. Oh god, he needed to think of something, and _fast_.

Tadashi still looked shameful and horrifically embarrassed, and his hand was still on Fred’s arm, and Fred’s brain was very much in his little head at the moment, which Tadashi’s firm grip was _not helping at all._ In a move that was half planned and half spasmodic, Fred knocked the forkful of pie on the floor.

“Whoops!” he called out, hoping his voice wasn’t noticeably high-pitched. “Little spill, that’s all Ms. C, no biggie, everything’s fine.” _Think of kittens, impaled kittens. Mrs. Matsuda in a two-piece. Advanced economics, the Uruk-Hai birthing process, Mitt Romney and Larry King making out, THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS FRED._

It was a temporary fix at best, but temporary was better than nothing.

“I think we can tone it down a little. From that.” By some miracle he managed to address Tadashi in a somewhat steady voice. “I mean we just have to be dating, we don’t have to be, like, _scandalous_. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah.” Still shamefaced, Tadashi shuffled his feet a little. “I’m really, _really_ sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I swear.”

“It’s, uh. It’s cool.” Fred shrugged. _I should say more than that. Shit, what else can I say? More words, Fred._ “I-I-I mean if you got carried away, like, I totally get it ’cause I LARPed a little back in high school, and you would not _believe_ how intense it could get, like I got killed once and then milked it until my friend Ryan cried so hard he got snot all over his chain mail, and then this other weekend he got so into the session that he ended up making out with Kelsey, which was kinda weird because I’m pretty sure she was a lesbian- I’m gonna stop talking now.” _Oh great now he knows you were a LARPer. Good call, Fred, you fucking idiot._

It wasn’t a total loss, though; it got a laugh out of Tadashi. Anything that resulted in Tadashi smiling, or laughing like that, was worthwhile in Fred’s eyes. “R-right. I’ll try not to get carried away.”

“Heh, yeah, me too.” _Oh God this is gonna be so hard._

“Seriously though.” Tadashi looked him in the eye, smile fading. “If I ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you let me know right away, okay?”

“Uh, yeah, of course.” Fred nodded vigorously. “Communication and stuff. Soooo I think we’re good, don’t you?” After what had just happened, he didn’t feel ready for anything, but he was eager to end this session and go home to collect himself.

“Do you?”

“Yeah,” Fred half-lied. “I mean, until the pie thing we were fine, and we’ve set some boundaries and stuff, and… yeah, I feel ready.” He hesitated. “Sort of like, as ready as I’ll ever be, you know?”

“Well, if you’re sure.” Tadashi looked nervous. “Oh, man. It’s _tomorrow_.” He ran his hand through his hair, sighing a little. “Guess you’re right, this is pretty much as ready as I’m gonna get.” He tilted his head. “Want to stick around? Still got pie left.”

“No,” Fred blurted quickly. “I mean, yeah I’d like to, but I’ve got stuff. To do. I mean at home. I gotta… help around the house a little. Pack.”

“All right. Well, don’t let me keep you.” Tadashi paused, and Fred waited to see if he was going to say anything else. It was a mistake, and he should have tossed a goodbye over his shoulder in a mad dash for the door, because in the next moment Tadashi stepped forward and hugged him. It was light, gentle, and blessedly brief, but it also undid the progress that unsavory mental images of Larry King and Mitt Romney had performed. “Thanks,” Tadashi said quietly. “Seriously.”

“No prob, man. See you around.”

Fred made it home in record time. Once there, he muttered something to Heathcliff about being alone, then fled upstairs and took care of his little problem in the privacy of his locked bedroom.


	4. Be Our Guest

Saturday dawned a bit overcast, but pleasantly warm as Heathcliff dropped Fred off around the corner from the Lucky Cat with a battered duffle bag containing everything he might need for the week slung over his shoulder. Heathcliff had redone most of Fred’s packing, insisting that he took a full week’s worth of underwear over Fred’s protests, but as he saw the tiny cab of Aunt Cass’ truck they were all about to squish into he couldn’t help but be grateful for Heathcliff’s interference. This was going to be nerve wracking enough as it was.

Tadashi gave him a bright grin when Fred ambled up the side of the truck, in the middle of throwing the rest of the luggage into the back of the truck and securing it.

“Morning! Glad to see you didn’t decide to just skip out on this whole mess, though I couldn’t blame you if you had,” Tadashi said by way of greeting.

“Hey, I already said I’d help,” Fred pointed out. “Besides, what kind of bro would I be if I abandoned you to the tender mercies of your family?” He punctuated his statement by playfully jabbing an elbow into Tadashi’s side.

Tadashi yelped and jumped away, but he was laughing at the same time. “Okay, okay!” He cried, “Sorry I doubted in a moment of weakness. Here,” he said more seriously, holding out a hand. “Gimme your bag, I’ll load it into the truck. If you head inside, Aunt Cass has some fresh bagels waiting. Assuming Hiro didn’t eat them all first, of course.”

Fred had already had a lovely three-course meal prepared for him by the family cook this morning, but he could never deny the opportunity for free food. So he simply shrugged, handed over his duffel, and headed inside.

Sure enough, Hiro was sitting at one of the cafe tables with a plate of bagels and a selection of spreads in front of him. He was in the middle of munching on a jam-smothered piece, even as he spread cream cheese onto another slice. Honestly, Fred had thought _he_ was a bottomless pit.

Realizing that Tadashi might have been serious about Hiro polishing off the entire plate of bagels all by himself, Fred quickly took a seat across from the younger Hamada, snatching up a fresh blueberry bagel and the peanut butter jar.

“Oh hey, you made it,” Hiro said, giving him a sly smile. There were crumbs and bits of jam all around his mouth, but Fred decided not to point them out.

“Yeah,” Fred responded cooly, not liking the implication in Hiro’s tone. Why was it that everyone had assumed he was going to bail on them? Had he done something? “Wouldn’t miss this for the world. Tadashi said he needed my help, so here I am.”

A flash of something like respect darted across Hiro’s face, but it was lost a moment later when he started munching down on more bagel. Still, he handed Fred a knife for the strawberry cream cheese, which Fred figured was as much a sign of acceptance as he was going to get. He took the knife with a smile, which Hiro returned. Maybe they were finally getting somewhere.

When Aunt Cass bustled into the room a moment later, half of her hair still in curlers and dressed far more nicely than Fred had ever seen her, she found Fred and Hiro growling at each other like dogs and fighting over the last chocolate chip bagel. Fred had it in his mouth, but Hiro had gotten a hold of it and was trying to tug it free, spitting curses when he couldn’t quite win. The two of them froze when Aunt Cass walked in, looking at her guiltily.

She stared at them, and then shook her head. “I don’t even want to know,” she informed them distractedly, stealing a bagel for herself and heading back into the kitchen to finish closing up shop for while they were gone.

The moment she left the room, the bagel finally lost structural integrity and ripped straight down the middle, sending the two boys flying with a yelp. Hiro had been pulling so hard he went straight over backwards, his chair crashing to the ground and him with it. Fred had a moment to be worried, jumping up out of his chair to check on the little squirt, but then he heard laughter, and found Hiro lying on the floor clutching his bagel half to his chest like some kind of trophy. Fred immediately started cackling too, and the two ended up sitting on the floor together, laughing, the rest of breakfast forgotten.

“Boys! We’re leaving in twenty minutes!” Aunt Cass shouted exasperatedly from the other room, sounding completely frazzled.

“Sorry Aunt Cass!” Hiro shouted back.

“Sorry, Ms. C!” Fred called at the same time, before the two of them tried to stifle their giggles. They were largely unsuccessful, but they at least managed to get up off of the floor. Together they cleaned up the breakfast leftovers, wiping down the table and taking the toppings back to the fridge. Occasionally they’d catch each others’ eyes and start giggling again.

They were still laughing slightly when they headed out towards the truck to head out. Tadashi gave them both a strange look, and when Hiro moved around the truck to get in on the other side, he made sure to grab Fred’s arm to get his attention. He ducked his head close to Fred’s ear and spoke in a low voice, which sent Fred’s pulse racing a little.

“What happened in there?” he asked, curiously.

Fred swallowed carefully, before shrugging and tossing Tadashi a grin. “Just some manly bonding. You know how it goes.”

Tadashi only looked _more_ confused, which Fred decided was a good look on him. It made him look really cute. But rather than say that out loud, he quickly hopped into the back of the truck before he did something stupid like kiss Tadashi on the nose or something. There would be plenty of time for that later.

Tadashi just stood outside the truck for a moment, still lost, but then Aunt Cass came out the door, looking even more frazzled.

“Tadashi! Get in the truck, we’re already running late!” she snapped as she struggled with her key ring, trying to find the right one to lock the door. Tadashi gave her a bewildered look, and for a second might be considering pointing out that they had been waiting on _her_ , but then he thought better of it and simply hopped up into the truck’s front seat without complaint.

Aunt Cass had originally been insistent that as their guest Fred should ride in the front, and Hiro and Tadashi could sit in the back, but Fred had managed to convince her that he was smaller than Tadashi, so it was only fair that he sit in the back. She had objected at the time, but now, in her rush, it didn’t seem like she’d even noticed the seating arrangements. She jumped into the driver’s seat, cranked the ignition, and backed out of the driveway with a squeal of tires. Seconds later they were on the road and on their way.

The drive was supposed to take them about 2 hours, give or take, which meant there was plenty of time for talking, jamming out to music, or just watching the world pass by. Fred and Hiro ended up starting up a conversation about the latest Pokemon release and their favourite starters, while Tadashi tried to chime in when he could, which lasted until they were out of the city proper, and out onto the open road.

Then Aunt Cass pulled an old CD covered in faded black sharpie scribbles, and the Hamada brothers’ eyes lit up.

“What’s that?” Fred had to ask. He was pretty sure it was some kind of burnt CD, but he had no idea what could be on it that would make both of them react like that.

“It’s our Road Trip Mix,” Tadashi explained excitedly. “Hiro and I put it together _years_ ago, for when Aunt Cass took us to Disneyland, and it’s been tradition to listen to it for every road trip since.”

“It’s so cheesy,” Hiro added with a fond roll of his eye, “We should really make a new one. But Aunt Cass refuses to get rid of it.”

“You’re darn right I refuse,” Aunt Cass said with a laugh. “You two made this together, it’s a part of your childhood. It’s going to become a family heirloom.”

“Besides, admit it Hiro. You still love it,” Tadashi teased, reaching into the back seat to slap Hiro on the knee. Hiro yelped in protest, but he didn’t deny what Tadashi had said.

Completely intrigued now, Fred couldn’t help but lean forward, eyeing the CD like a pirate finding buried treasure. “So what’s on it?” he asked.

“Why don’t we show you?” Aunt Cass said smugly, pushing the CD into the slot with a flourish. There were a few seconds while the system struggled to read the old disk, but almost immediately the beginning strains of Hakuna Matata started streaming out of the truck’s speakers and filling the cab.

“We were headed to Disneyland,” Hiro pointed out over Timone’s crooning. “So obviously there’s going to be some Disney songs on here. But there’s other stuff, don’t worry.”

“Hey man, I _love_ the Lion King,” Fred told him cheerfully. “So no worries here.” To support his words, he started singing along, mimicking Timone and Pumbaa’s voices as best he could. Laughing, Tadashi and Aunt Cass joined in. Hiro stubbornly tried to resist for as long as he could, but with Fred playfully poking him and the rest of his family singing at the top of their lungs, he eventually caved. Just in time for young Simba’s solo.

And that was when Fred learned that Hiro had a pretty decent voice. He’d known Tadashi was a good singer after catching him humming along to the radio in his lab more than once, but now he could see it ran in the family. He couldn’t stop grinning as the four of them sang together, swaying with the music, Hiro fully into it now.

But that was the power of Disney, man.

+++

They’d gone through the whole CD once and were starting the second round of it by the time they pulled off of the winding dirt road onto the large sprawling property belonging to Aunt Evelyn. Fred’s eyebrow rose at the elaborate wrought-iron gate that blocked the driveway but was otherwise unconnected to any sort of fence. It just screamed “trying too hard” to him, after years of living in an actual gated community. But based on what he’d heard about this Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Donald so far, he couldn’t say he was shocked.

The gate was already open when they arrived, thankfully, so they didn’t need to wait. Aunt Cass simply turned into the driveway and started heading up long pathway towards the refinished farmhouse at the end. Fred had to admit that at least the house was slightly more tasteful, with a white wraparound porch and elegantly carved gables. The gardens were carefully landscaped and bursting with flowers, while behind the house he could see long lines of grapevines spreading out into the distance. Everything was painted a bright cheerful yellow with white and baby blue accents, and overall the house actually looked quite inviting.

There was already a small convoy of cars parked out in front. They ranged from luxury sedans to battered pickup trucks and beater cars like Aunt Cass was driving. She pulled up next to a tiny but clean Honda Civic, and threw the truck into park.

“Well,” she spoke up over the sudden absence of engine noise. “We’re here. Leave the stuff in the back, we can get it after we know where everyone is sleeping.”

“Aren’t we going to be in the living room like always?” Hiro asked tiredly as he undid his seatbelt.

“We don’t normally bring guests,” Aunt Cass responded, shooting Fred a meaningful look. “They may decide to shuffle everyone around a bit to accommodate.”

“Good point,” Hiro agreed with a shrug.

The four of them struggled out of the truck’s cab, their legs in various states of asleep. After a brief pause to shake out the pins and needles, the group made their way up to the front door. Subconsciously the boys let Aunt Cass take the lead while they huddled in a tight group behind her. She mounted the porch steps, walked confidently up to the front door, and knocked sharply four times in quick succession. Fred instinctively grabbed for Tadashi’s hand, suddenly choking on nerves.

Almost immediately there was thunderous footsteps beyond the door, and then it was thrown wide.

“Cassie!” the woman who opened the door shouted. She was quite a bit older than Aunt Cass, her dark hair shot through with gray and her face starting to wrinkle, but she looked like a boisterous lady, full of energy and pep. Her arms went wide at the sight of them and a huge grin grew on her face. “You guys made it!”

“Karen!” Aunt Cass grinned right back, throwing herself into presumably Aunt Karen’s arms and returning her hug. “It’s so good to see you! Sorry we’re running late, traffic was nuts getting out of the city.”

“Oh, tell me about it. We passed an accident on the way down I swear it took us twenty minutes to get by. But please, come on in! We’re still waiting on Amy and Justin, apparently little Vicky was being fussy this morning and didn’t want to settle into her carseat, but they’re on their way now.”

Aunt Cass followed Aunt Karen into the house, still exchanging small talk, and the three boys carefully followed her. Fred could hear a multitude of voices deeper in the house, but they were stopped from going any further when a head popped out from one of the doorways just off of the main hallway.

“Oh hey, Greg!” Tadashi greeted, identifying the curly-haired boy as one of his cousins. “What’s up?”

But Greg only had eyes for Hiro. He darted over, a blue handheld game system clutched in his hands, and stopped right in front of the youngest Hamada. “Hey Hiro,” he said in a slightly squeaky voice. “Did you bring your DS?”

Fred was amused to realize that Greg actually _was_ taller than Hiro.

“Oh. Hey Greg,” Hiro said carefully through gritted teeth. He had a fake smile plastered on his face already, annoyance clearly simmering under the surface. But from the way Tadashi was watching the exchange with a calm smile, Fred could tell that this was a regular thing. Fred understood. He had younger cousins that had trailed after him at family functions like lost ducklings before. It looked like Greg had picked Hiro to trail after, probably as the closest person in age to him.

“Come on,” Tadashi suddenly whispered into Fred’s ear, making him jump slightly. “Greg tends to go on a bit, he and Hiro will be a while. Let’s go say hi to everyone else.”

Fred felt like he was about to face down a pride of lions as he followed Tadashi down the hallway towards the sound of voices.

+++

If Tadashi was being completely honest with himself, he was actually sort of having fun.

Over the years his cousins and aunts had brought various friends along on occasion to their annual reunion, but he and Hiro had never had the chance. For once it was his turn, and he had to admit it was kind of nice to be able to bring along a friend to show off. And who better than Fred, who seemed to get along with everyone. It had been awesome all driving down together and singing to the music. He hadn’t actually heard Hiro sing along in years now, but somehow Fred’s presence had gotten his little brother to open up a bit. He was actually almost looking forward to introducing his friend to his family.

So it was with a pleased grin that he entered the living room where the majority of his family had gathered, tugging Fred along by the wrist. Sure enough, the moment he appeared in the doorway, everyone let out loud cries of greeting all at once, his aunts and uncles jumping up to greet him and his cousins waving. He was treated to a stream of hugs and cheek kisses, one after the other, and he noted with fond amusement that Fred was pretty much getting the same treatment behind him. He saw Aunt Cass watching everything carefully over the rim of the teacup Aunt Karen had handed her, the white china hiding the smirk he knew was growing there. She was waiting to see what happened next.

And he could see why. One of the last people to approach was Cheryl, Denise trailing after her with a curious expression. One look at her and he could see Aunt Evelyn’s friend had been preparing for this weekend. Her hair was freshly dyed her preferred sandy blonde, and her skin had obviously seen the inside of a tanning salon recently. Even her baby blue eyes seemed slightly unnatural. Denise thankfully took more after her absent father, her thick, dark hair pulled away from her face in a french braid. Cheryl had a big smile on her face, and the way she was leading Denise over immediately got Tadashi’s hackles up. They hadn’t even been here _five minutes_ and already she was going to get into it.

_Well the joke’s on her_ , Tadashi thought to himself. _Because this year I came prepared_.

Before Cheryl could so much as open her mouth, Tadashi reached back and grabbed Fred’s hand without looking, tugging him forward and away from Aunt Margret’s attentions. Fred stumbled a little at the sudden force, but he caught himself on Tadashi’s shoulder, which was perfect. It pressed the two of them against each other in a tender manner.

“Cheryl! Denise!” Tadashi gave them his best smile, so wide his cheeks hurt. “Good to see you! Everyone, I just wanted to introduce someone. This is my boyfriend, Fred.”

Immediately Cheryl froze, her mouth dropping open in shock. Everyone else suddenly went quiet as well, openly staring at the two of them. Tadashi felt Fred stiffen a little beside him, but he simply gave his friend’s hand a reassuring squeeze and stared confidently back at everyone, daring them to say something.

But when his eyes fell on Denise, she wasn’t staring at him like everyone else. No, her expression was completely blank and unreadable, though there was a slight squint to her dark eyes, as if she didn’t quite believe what she was hearing. Knowing he had to do something to convince her, and fast, before she started throwing all sorts of questions at them and making Fred even more flustered, Tadashi simply acted on instinct.

He leaned over and pressed a careful kiss to Fred’s cheek.

Cheryl _actually_ gasped, clutching at her chest. He heard his cousin Rose let out a soft squeak, followed by a giggle, but his eyes were firmly fixed on Denise. She blinked rapidly at the display, and then turned away as if embarrassed. Tadashi figured that was as good as a victory.

Fred, to his credit, barely stiffened. Though he’d been caught off guard, he’d quickly fallen into his role, baring his cheek to Tadashi and leaning more into his side. He even fluttered his eyelashes a bit, the extra touch leaving Tadashi thoroughly impressed. Fred had never done that when they were practicing, but it made the whole kiss seem even more natural, like Tadashi was leaving him twitterpated. Tadashi made a mental note to compliment Fred on his acting later.

But for now, he had his family’s reactions to deal with. He pulled back from Fred and looked back to the rest of them.

There was a long moment of stunned silence. And then - 

“I _knew_ it!” Sarah blurted punching the air in triumph and nearly clouting her sister Rose in the face. “I win again, Rosie! Told you he was gay. Pick up the phone, ‘cause _I called it._ ”

“Oh shut up, Sarah,” Rose hissed, and passed her what looked suspiciously like a ten-dollar bill.

“Girls, stop making bets about your cousin’s love lives!” Their mother Karen chastised from her seat next to Aunt Cass, before sipping demurely from her teacup. She switched immediately to a bright smile at Fred and Tadashi. “Congratulations boys, we’re very happy for you both. Cassie, you must be thrilled.”

And just like that the spell was broken, and everyone was talking again. Some of them were tossing questions to Tadashi and Fred, but for the most part it was exactly as Hiro had predicted. Uncle Donald tossed out something about Aunt Cass making fruitcakes in her cafe, Uncle Henry gave him a nasty look, and that was the end of it. No one seemed to really care.

Still, Tadashi couldn’t help but sneak a few covert looks in Cheryl and Denise’s direction. Cheryl was whispering furiously to Aunt Evelyn, the two of them looking at Fred with pinched expressions, but that was to be expected. It was Denise who was making him nervous. The way she kept looking at him seemed almost...calculated.

“That girl is going to be trouble,” he murmured under his breath to Fred.

Fred simply squeezed his hand and pressed tighter against his arm.

+++

By the time dinner rolled around, Fred was sure of a few things. One, the Hamada brothers definitely took after their father in appearance more than their mother, and two, that crazy ran in the family.

He was kind of wishing they’d gone with Tadashi’s original plan to have him memorize the family tree because he was barely managing to keep track of everyone. So far he could tell that Sarah and Rose were sisters because they practically looked like twins, even though Rose was a year older. And he knew that their mom was Aunt Karen because they looked enough alike, and he often saw their mother scolding them, but Tadashi had needed to clarify twice already that it was her husband Uncle Henry who was their blood relative, the eldest of the three siblings including Uncle Bruno and Aunt Evelyn, and that Karen had married into the family. Their son Will Fred kept mixing up with Greg’s older brother Braeden, even though Greg and Braeden had the same curly red hair as their mother Margaret, and Will was dark-haired like his elder sisters and their mother Karen. And then their eldest sibling Amy showed up with her husband Justin and their 3 month old daughter Victoria, and Fred had all but given up keeping track of who was who.

At least he always knew who Great Aunt Lucy was. The spry old woman introduced herself by hooking him by the neck of his shirt with her cane and dragging him down closer so she could get a better look at him. She’d scrutinized and inspected him for a long breathless moment, but then smiled and declared that Tadashi had good taste, which immediately put her on Fred’s good list. That she’d gone and started pinching Hiro’s cheeks right after, much to the boy’s annoyance, bumped her to the top of the list. Fred liked Great Aunt Lucy.

It wasn’t until just before dinner that he could get away from the swarm to take a breather. Thankfully Tadashi had caught on that he was getting a little overwhelmed, because he’d politely but firmly interrupted Fred’s conversation with who he was pretty sure was Uncle Bruno about gas prices, taken him by the hand, and lead him into a quiet room. It wasn’t until the old wooden door clicked shut behind them that Fred felt like he could breathe again.

The room Tadashi had brought them into looked to be some kind of library, with the walls absolutely covered in bookshelves. It also looked like it was going to be a bedroom for someone over the week, because a pullout couch had been done up with sheets and pillows. There was also a crib in the corner, so Fred figured this would be where Amy and Justin would be crashing.

Ignoring all of this for now, though, Fred made his way over to the far side of the room where there was a window seat covered in blue and white patterned cushions. He sat down heavily with a tired sigh, glancing out over the vineyards below.

“Wow,” Fred said after a moment. “And I thought running around in a mascot costume all day was exhausting. Are they always like this?”

Tadashi shrugged and made his way over, resting his hip against the wall and looking out the window as well. “Sometimes. They might be a little more energetic than usual, maybe. Between you and baby Vicky there’s a few more people than usual this year. How’re you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Fred replied honestly. “It might have been a little overwhelming at first, but your family seems pretty chill for the most part. Your Uncles didn’t even get too upset when I mixed them up twice. Bruno’s the older one, right?”

“Henry,” Tadashi corrected with a smile.

“Damnit. I thought I had it this time.” Fred shook his head sheepishly. “Kinda embarrassing, I mean it’s just twenty people and I can’t even keep them straight.”

Tadashi chuckled. “Don’t worry, you have a whole week to get to know them.”

“Yeah,” Fred agreed with a sigh, “that’s true. It’s gonna be one hell of a week, that’s for sure.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t be visiting the whole time,” Tadashi reassured him, moving to take a seat next to Fred. Their knees brushed together, but when Fred’s eyes darted to Tadashi’s face he could tell it was accidental. “There’s a Farmer’s Market on Monday mornings that we usually go to, and Will typically convinces the cousins to spend a day at the beach together. Plus there’s the picnic, one designated theme park day, and Uncle Donald shows off his expensive sound system by playing really old music and we have this house party-type dance thing - _oh my god I forgot about the dance thing._ ”

Fred smiled weakly at the horrified look crossing his friend’s face, and gave him an awkward pat. “Cross that bridge when we come to it?”

“Gonna have to.” Tadashi laughed, a little helplessly, and Fred reached over to clasp his shoulder - in a friendly way, of course.

Of course, that was exactly when Greg decided to burst into the room, yelling at what Fred suspected was the top of his lungs. “TADASHI, HIRO SAYS YOU’RE MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THAT TRUE?”

Fred did not respond well to surprises, unless they were, like, surprise birthday parties or something. Responding well was doing things like walking away from an explosion with sunglasses, or catching a punch without looking. It was not loudly shrieking, flailing, and jumping so violently that he ended up in the nearest person’s lap.

_Whoops I’m sitting on Tadashi, hope it’s convincing,_ was the only coherent thought that went through his mind.

“OH MY GOSH!” Greg went on at roughly the same volume. “HIRO YOU WERE RIGHT!”

“HIRO!” Tadashi shouted furiously, almost starting out of his seat. The movement dislodged Fred from his already unstable perch, and with a yelp he lost his balance, curled in on himself on the way down to avoid injury, and somehow managed to awkwardly somersault to the floor. He was very tempted to strike a pose, only his head was spinning so much he wasn’t sure which way was up and where his hands were. Woo. That was graceful.

In the distance he could hear Hiro cackling, and footsteps approaching over creaking floorboards, but he was simply focusing on his feet for a few minutes to try to get the room to settle. When he thought he could look up without falling over, it was to find an older boy who looked very much like Greg standing in the doorway, only much older. Crap, what was his name again? Brandon? Bradley?

“Hey Braeden,” Tadashi greeted with a sigh, tossing a glare at Hiro who was standing in the hallway just beyond, grinning at them evilly. “Greg. Can we help you with something?”

Greg was simply staring at them with wide eyes, as if they might start ripping their clothes of and making out right in front of him, but Braeden just gave them a bored look and blew a ginger curl out of his pale freckled face.

“Aunt Evelyn asked me to tell you guys that you’ll be sleeping in the attic this year,” Braeden announced in a wheezy monotone. “And Aunt Cass wanted you guys to go grab your stuff and move it now.”

Tadashi nodded to his younger cousin. “Thanks, Braeden, we’ll be right out. Maybe _someone_ can get a head start on unloading the car,” he added with a pointed look at Hiro, “seeing as he has enough time to be a little...brat,” he finished with a glance at Greg and a last minute word swap.

“Whatever,” Braeden said with a roll of his eyes, turning and walking away. He bumped Hiro in the hall as he passed, but he didn’t bother to apologize. Greg gave Tadashi and Fred one more wide-eyed stare before turning and chasing after his brother.

“Hey Braeden, why don’t you and your girlfriend do stuff like that anymore? Why hasn’t she been over in a while? Why…”

“Shut _up_ , Greg!” the heard Braeden snarl, but Greg kept going. Their voices faded through the halls as the pair of them walked away.

Leaving just the three boys. Tadashi scowled at Hiro, who gave him a sheepish smile.

“What?” Hiro asked defensively. “He was starting to drive me nuts. How was I supposed to know he’d _actually_ burst in on you. Not like you guys were _actually_ doing anything in there, right? It’s not like you’re really - ”

He was cut off when Tadashi slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shut up!” he hissed, glancing in either direction down the hallways. When no one immediately sprung out from behind a curtain shouting ‘ah hah!’ he seemed to relax a bit, his shoulders slumping. “Hiro, the whole point is we’re trying to convince these people that Fred’s my boyfriend. It’s a bit hard to do that if you go around announcing to the world that we’re faking it!”

He didn’t notice Fred flinch slightly behind him.

Hiro looked largely unimpressed. He pushed Tadashi’s hand away and frowned. “Oh please, no one was around, I know better. _Please_ try not to pee your pants, you’ve only got enough for the week, you know. Now come on, you heard Braeden. We need to go grab our stuff out of the car before it gets dark.”

And with that, Hiro started heading towards the front of the house without looking back at them. Tadashi watched him go, fuming quietly, until Fred came up behind him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, dude. No harm, no foul,” he tried to reassure his friend, giving the shoulder a light squeeze. “If anything, now it’s even more believable, right? Because we got ‘caught’?”

Tadashi was tense for a moment longer, and then seemed to relax all at once with a gusty groan. A hand came up and rubbed at his forehead before running over his face. “Oh man, Fred. I dunno if I can survive this,” he admitted.

_You and me both_ , Fred privately agreed. But out loud he merely laughed.

“Aw, come on, it’s not that bad! We’re already almost at the end of day one. Only six more days to go, right? It’s like counting down to the end of finals, no sweat.”

Tadashi looked at him with a hopeful expression. His hand came up over Fred’s on his shoulder and gripped it, which made Fred’s heart flutter slightly. “You really think so?” Tadashi asked him.

“Yes,” Fred answered firmly. If Tadashi didn’t have confidence in them right now, then Fred would have confidence for both of them. “We have definitely got this.”

Tadashi processed this for a moment, and then a bright smile bloomed over his face. “Yeah. We’ve got this,” he repeated. Then, looking much more sure of himself, he nodded, and let go of Fred’s hand. “Come on. We should go get our bags and bring them up to the attic before Hiro claims the best bed.”

“Sure,” Fred agreed, letting Tadashi lead the way. He just had to keep thinking positive., he told himself as they walked. One day down, six days to go. That was nothing. They got this.

+++

They don’t got this.

“There’s only two beds,” Tadashi said as they stood in the doorway of the attic, his face blank. “Why are there only two beds?”

Hiro looked over from where he was setting up the air mattress on the floor, glancing at the small, rickety bed against the wall that could barely be called a double. It was done up in floral print sheets and lace pillows, but they couldn’t hide the fact that the bed was probably a good twenty years old, small, lumpy, and _only one_.

“Braeden told me, they took the other air mattress down to the living room for Will. Aunt Margaret figured, since you guys are ‘dating’ and all, that you could share the bed,” Hiro told them with a shrug. “I could have stopped him, buuuuuuut…” his expression shifted to a shit-eating grin. “I’m supposed to be helping you keep up the act, right?”

Tadashi wanted to strangle him.

Fred, on the other hand, shrugged. “Easy fix.” Grabbing one edge of the air mattress, he dragged it further away from the bed - with Hiro yelping as he was pulled along on top. Ignoring him, Fred let go of the mattress and lightly darted over it to the bed again. “Just gotta make a bit of space, plus - aww, sweet, there’s like five pillows on the bed. Hey Tadashi, how many pillows do you need?”

“Just one, but-”

“Awesome.” Fred swept up an armload of the remaining pillows and dumped them on the floor. “I’ll take the floor. Just gimme your top blanket and I’ll be fine.”

Tadashi, of course, immediately started protesting. “Fred, no, it’s fine - I can take the floor. Or I can share with Hiro, we used to do that when we were little-”

“Come near me and so help me I will bite you.”

“Dude. Tadashi. I don’t think you understand.” Fred took him by the shoulders as if he were imparting some vital pearl of wisdom to him. “I could tell you about all the weird places I’ve fallen asleep before. One time in high school I slept a solid nine hours in a bathtub. And I _wasn’t even drunk_. Or high. Nine straight hours sober in a porcelain basin that was almost two feet shorter than my height. I promise you, I can be comfortable anywhere. _I will take the floor._ ”

Was it hot all of a sudden? “Um.” For a moment Tadashi could barely stammer. “All right then, I’ll take your word for it.”

“Cool. It’s no problem, dude.” Fred let go and turned away quickly to arrange the pillows on the floor. Startled, Tadashi shook his head to clear it, and found Hiro gaping at him.

“What?” 

“You just-” Hiro broke off, wide eyes narrowing to a frown.

Tadashi held out his hands helplessly. “Sue me, all right? He makes a convincing argument.”

Hiro stared at him for a moment longer before shrugging and busying himself again. As he finished getting situated, Tadashi could hear him muttering to himself. “Yeah, I’ll bet he did.”

“What was that?” Tadashi glared at him suspiciously.

“Nothing, bro. Remember to give him a blanket or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah.” quickly Tadashi peeled back the top blanket, then changed his mind and chose the one underneath. The top one was scratchy wool; he’d be fine with the sheets blocking it, so he could give the softer fleece one underneath to Fred. _It’s almost summer anyway,_ he thought. _What are they giving me two blankets for?_ Rolling his eyes, he tossed the blanket to Fred, who threw it over the nest of pillows he had arranged. A very small nest, Tadashi couldn’t help but notice. “Are you sure that’s enough?” he asked. “I bet I could beg a few more pillows off Aunt Evelyn without making her suspicious.”

“Nah. Too poofy,” Fred argued back amicably. “It would remind me too much of my mom’s chaise lounge. I’m pretty sure she just hunted an alpaca down and forced it to live in the family room. I swear I’ve heard the damn thing bleat before.”

Tadashi was startled into laughing, although he wasn’t sure why. Fred always said crazy stuff like that. And why was his voice so high and fluttery? He cleared it quickly, hoping he wasn’t coming down with something.

“Well if you’re sure. If you change your mind after tonight, I can always ask again tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry _pumpkin_ , I’m good,” Fred grinned up at him as he threw himself down into the pile of pillows and blanket. After a few seconds of wiggling back and forth, burrowing down into the nest, Fred settled with a satisfied sigh. Tadashi had to admit, Fred made it _look_ comfortable, even if he wasn’t fully convinced.

“Alright, sugarplum,” Tadashi teased back. “Just...wake me up if it gets too uncomfortable, okay? We can flip. I don’t want you having to deal with a backache on top of everything else this week.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Hiro suddenly spoke up from his bundle on the air mattress. “Can you two _please_ stop it with the flirting and just go to _sleep_ already? There’s no one around to impress, ladies.”

Tadashi immediately flushed bright red, but before he could even open his mouth to protest, Fred was letting out a strange high-pitched chuckle, and started pushing against Tadashi’s shins, directing him towards the bed.

“Hey, yeah, you heard the little man. Big day tomorrow, right? We need our beauty sleep, don’t we?” Fred said quickly, with an extra push for emphasis. The backs of Tadashi’s legs hit the bed and he flopped down on it with a bounce that set the old springs squeaking obnoxiously. “Tell you what, I’ll go change in the bathroom, I’m sure you’re okay changing in here, Hiro’s already asleep, I’ll be right back, see ya!”

And then he was out of his floor nest, snatching up a pair of PJs covered in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and dashing off to the bathroom before Tadashi could even blink. Completely stunned, Tadashi could only watch him go.

“What the heck was _that_ all about?” he muttered to himself, slowly rising up from the bed to pull his own sleep pants out of his luggage.

On the other side of the room Hiro heard him and let out a grumble before burying his head further into his sleeping bag.


	5. Rogues Gallery

Fred hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Tadashi he could sleep anywhere. In fact, a pile of pillows and a blanket on the floor was far from the least comfortable resting place he’d ever crashed. It was practically his standard sleeping arrangement at sleepovers.

And the fact that it kept him from being squished up next to Tadashi in that tiny little bed, pressed against each other from head to toe...well, yeah, maybe he had some ulterior motives behind taking the floor.

But things seemed to have worked out, Fred was smugly pleased to say. He’d slept well, there was no awkwardness caused by morning wood to deal with, and he was just waking up to the sun peeping through the wooden shutters over the single window in the attic. He was still in that blissful half-awake state where he was comfortable, sleepy, and just on the edge of dropping off, when he heard a sound that made his blood run cold.

“Boys?” a voice called up the stairs. “Are you awake? Breakfast will be ready soon. Boys?”

Fred might have been still mixing up Tadashi’s family members, but he made a point of knowing Cheryl and Denise right away. Know thine enemy and all that. So he definitely recognized Cheryl’s prim tones drifting up from the landing of the stairs. And then, even more terrifying, he heard footsteps on the old stairs, coming closer.

Oh god, if Cheryl found him sleeping on the floor with his supposed boyfriend right next to him, she might realize that they were faking. At the very least she’d assume they were fighting or something, and she might take that as a sign to push Denise at Tadashi some more to ‘break up the relationship’ or something. He needed to do something or they were going to get caught!

His head whipped around to Tadashi, but the other man was still dead to the world, his face pressed against his pillow and leaving lace patterns dented into his face. A small trail of drool was running down from the corner of his mouth to soak the fabric. He wasn’t going to wake up fast enough. Fred was on his own.

Morning Fred was not good at making plans up on the fly. _Regular_ Fred was not good at making up plans on the fly. Panic tended to set in and block out all rational thought until all he could come up with were plots he remembered from comic books and whatever crazy harebrained schemes sprung up.

A particularly half-baked one popped up, and Fred acted. With a grunt, he jumped out of his nest, tripping and nearly wiping out on one of his pillows. He shoved the entire bundle into a corner behind their stacked bags, where it would be unobtrusive, the sounds of Cheryl’s approach growing louder each second.

The handle on the door of the room was turning as Fred finished hiding his makeshift sleeping arrangements. Out of time, Fred flung himself full-body onto the bed.

And onto Tadashi. More importantly from the sounds of it, _Little_ Tadashi.

Cheryl walked in just as Tadashi let out a high-pitched shriek of pain, startling her badly and making Hiro sit up suddenly with a yelp. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Fred practically on top of Tadashi, looking frazzled, while Tadashi was gasping beneath him. She immediately went beet red, her mouth dropping open into a perfectly round ‘o’ shape.

“Oh, goodness! I didn’t mean to walk in on you, I just...I didn’t realize you weren’t decent!” Cheryl stuttered out, turning her head away. Hiro started to make a confused sound, but Fred leapt off of the bed and rushed at the woman before she could look.

“Yes! Sorry, we’re up, we’ve been up for a while but you just caught us changing and you know how shy Hiro can be, don’t worry we’ll be down in a few minutes thanks for waking us, bye!” he said all in one breath before unceremoniously shoving Cheryl out the door and slamming it shut behind her. He paused long enough to hear her huff out in frustration on the other side of the door and start stomping down the stairs before he allowed himself to relax, slowly sinking down to the floor with his back resting against the door until he landed on the hardwood with a muffled thunk. Hiro, sitting up in his sleeping bag immediately to Fred’s left, gave him a squinty-eyed look, his hair in disarray.

“What the fuck?” Hiro mumbled out groggily.

“Swear jar,” Tadashi managed to whisper from his curled up position on the bed, tears leaking out of his eyes.

Fred gaped at him, caught between abject horror and the small treacherous evil part of him that wanted to giggle hysterically at the utter absurdity of the situation. “I am so… _so sorry._ ” Okay. Fred had to admit it. Not the best start to the day. But that meant it could only get better, right?

* * *

“I am so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to-”

“Fred, for the last time, it’s _fine._ ” Tadashi sighed, careful not to let his voice come out terse. Hiro had staggered down in search of breakfast, leaving the two of them alone in the attic while Tadashi waited for the pain and embarrassment to fade. He was doing fine on the pain, but after getting caught in such an awkward situation by Cheryl of all people, a slow death was looking more and more preferable to going downstairs and facing people. If he knew Cheryl, then word of that little incident had probably spread to the entire family already. So technically, it wasn’t fine, but there was no reason to take it out on Fred. “We’re gonna have to rethink a few things, that’s all.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Tadashi sighed. “Maybe, to avoid any more early-morning panicking, we can just share the bed? It’ll be cramped, but… well, you did say you could sleep anywhere.”

“Uh, heheh, yeah… I did say that, didn’t I?” Fred fidgeted. “You sure? I mean, I don’t want to, uh… make it hard for _you_ or anything.”

Tadashi shook his head. “This entire mess was my idea anyway. If it’s going to be tough for anyone, it might as well be me.”

“Er, right.” Fred ran his hand through his sleep-ruffled hair. “So… sharing the bed. New development. I think I can handle that i-if you can. I’ll be honest, though, if that lady Cheryl makes a habit of checking on us in the morning, I’m not gonna be responsible for my actions.” He fidgeted some more and sounded equal parts nervous and embarrassed and indignant. “I mean, this place isn’t even her house! Who does that?”

“She and Evelyn are pretty tight,” Tadashi pointed out.

“Yeah, she’s a tightass, I got that already,” Fred said acidly, which startled a laugh out of Tadashi. Humor loosened the knot in his chest - he’d needed that. Even Fred managed a grin at him.

Further discussion was cut off when Tadashi’s stomach made itself known by loudly growling. Tadashi resisted the urge to heave a sigh. He was hungry, and from the sheepishly sympathetic look on Fred’s face, so was his guest. That meant braving the walk downstairs, and facing all his family members who had probably heard already from Cheryl or Aunt Evelyn about the _compromising position_ they had been caught in.

“Well…” he began, looking at Fred with the level of gravity people usually saved for when they were marching to the gallows. “I guess we should go down for breakfast.”

“Guess so,” Fred agreed. “Ready… precious?”

That brought the grin back to Tadashi’s face. “As ready as I’ll ever be, gorgeous.” He stood up, feeling considerably better after his rude wake-up groin attack, and held out a hand to his friend. Fred hesitated for a moment, staring at the hand like he wasn’t sure what it was for, before cautiously taking it. Side by side, they left the attic and made their way down a few flights of well-kept stairs to the kitchen. The murmur of voices grew louder as they got closer, and Tadashi turned to Fred with one last worried smile before walking in.

The breakfast table was laid out buffet-style, and to Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Donald’s credit, it looked and smelled amazing. Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit salad, fried potatoes, and bagels were waiting for them, with neatly stacked plates and utensils. Most of their relatives were up already and eating. A few of them looked up as Fred and Tadashi wandered in, and Tadashi felt his smile grow more forced when he noticed Sarah smirking over her plate.

Aunt Cass had a very similar strained smile on her face - that was the first thing that Tadashi noticed upon walking in. She was sitting at the dining room table with Aunt Evelyn on her left side, smiling like the first and only thing on her mind was how to hide a body. Cheryl was seated on Aunt Evelyn’s other side, and when she caught sight of Tadashi and Fred her expression immediately darkened.

“That was fast,” he murmured as he moved toward the food.

“What?” Fred let go of his hand to grab a plate.

“Usually takes Aunt Evelyn longer to get Aunt Cass to contemplate murder,” Tadashi said dryly. “She must be nagging extra hard this year.”

Fred hummed quietly as he filled his plate. “Think it’s us?”

“Maybe.” Tadashi’s eyes narrowed. “Let’s find out. C’mon, the seats across from them are empty.” Without waiting to see if Fred would follow him, Tadashi skirted the long table and slid into the chair directly across from Aunt Cass. To his relief, Fred joined him moments later with his plate piled high with food.

“Good morning,” Aunt Evelyn greeted them. “You know, Cheryl told me the most interesting story this morning…”

Tadashi tried to send a telepathic message screaming for help to Aunt Cass, and then to Hiro, but there was no help forthcoming. Hiro was feigning deafness while he chewed on his bacon, and Aunt Cass just looked momentarily relieved to have Evelyn’s attention off of her for the moment. “Did she now,” he said, faking another smile.

“She was shocked to find you this morning-”

“In the room that you told us to sleep in?” Tadashi widened his eyes innocently. “That’s odd. At seven-thirty in the morning, where else would we be?”

“If you’ll let me finish,” Aunt Evelyn went on reproachfully. “I was shocked to hear about what you were doing when she found you there.”

There were eyes on them now. The pit of Tadashi’s stomach burned with humiliation and resentment, and it was making him feel mean. “I was shocked, too,” Tadashi replied, steadying his voice with a monstrous effort. “It’s not every day a perfect stranger goes right through a closed door while I’m changing my clothes.” He shifted uncomfortably. “It was, uh… kinda rude, actually.”

Cheryl spluttered indignantly. “That is _not_ what I saw,” she protested.

Aunt Evelyn, on the other hand, was still attempting to keep things cordial. “And she’s hardly a stranger, dear,” said. “She comes to so many of our get-togethers.”

“Only ‘cause you keep invitin’ her, honey-bunch!” Great Aunt Lucy called from across the table. A ripple of snickers ran through a few of the other family members.

Evelyn frowned at her, slightly pink.. “Mom, I’m only saying, we’ve all known each other for years.”

Oh, Evelyn was making this easy now. Emboldened, especially by his sharp old aunt’s interruption, Tadashi put on a show. He shifted uneasily in his seat, drawing his shoulders in to make himself as small and timid-looking as possible, and fixed his eyes down on his plate. “Well, yes, but… I only see her once a year, and we’re not related, so…”

“And, I’m kinda new here,” Fred added meekly, and Tadashi could have hugged him for playing along. “I mean, you guys have all been great, but I don’t really know anyone, so it’s…kinda embarrassing when she comes into the room while I’m trying to change. I-I’m sorry, Cheryl, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, I swear-”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Aunt Karen broke in to assure him. “Cheryl, just remember to knock next time.”

“Yeah, Cheryl, sheesh,” Sarah called over. “What if my dad walked in on Denise or something? Super awkward.”

Tadashi chanced a quick glance at Fred. The look they shared was about the equivalent of a high-five. He looked to Aunt Cass again, and was pleased to find her looking somewhat more chipper. Did this count as a win? For now he’d count it as a win.

“Well, that’s a relief, then!” Aunt Evelyn broke in as the others’ attention moved on. “I’m glad that’s cleared up. Because you know, Cassie, it really would reflect poorly if they were getting up to anything… inappropriate. I mean, goodness, Hiro was in the room, after all. I should have known they wouldn’t want to expose him to anything-”

“Oh my God,” Hiro said flatly. His chair scraped back as he stood up. “Oh my God.” Without looking at anyone, he picked up his plate and left the room. “Oh my God. _Oh my God._ ”

“Can we not discuss this in front of him, in the future?” Cass asked, picking at her mound of scrambled eggs. “Tadashi and Fred have been so good about that lately, and I’d hate to break the trend.”

“That’s good to hear!” Aunt Evelyn said cheerily. “Awfully blunt of him, though. You know, I remember him being such a well-mannered boy. I miss those days - whatever happened to them?” Tadashi resisted the urge to snort loudly.

“Puberty,” Sarah chipped in, before tuning back out of the conversation.

“People always make that excuse.” Aunt Evelyn tutted. “But you know what I think it is? Discipline. It’s all how you raise them.”

Tadashi glanced up, briefly meeting Aunt Cass’s eyes over the table. Their thoughts were more or less the same. _Great. This again._ Quickly he hid his irritation by stabbing a sausage with his fork and biting into it.

“Didn’t help with you!” Great Aunt Lucy piped up.

“Of course, it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault in particular,” Aunt Evelyn went on, pretending not to hear her mother’s interruption. “Some people are busy, others have children with… _conditions_ that make raising them difficult. And some people just weren’t meant to raise children at all. Not anyone’s fault. Still, though, I really think there should be higher standards for who raises children.”

 _That’s it._ Tadashi was ready to put down his fork and tell Aunt Evelyn exactly where she could stick her standards when Fred’s hand closed on his wrist under the table. He blinked, surprised by the sudden contact.

“Yeah, good point,” Fred agreed, smiling disarmingly at Aunt Evelyn. “I gotta say, you sound like you’re pretty great at it, though. I was just wondering, how old are _your_ kids? I don’t remember seeing ‘em, and Tadashi didn’t say. Are they coming?”

Immediately Aunt Evelyn paled, and for a moment she looked like she’d just taken a sip of bad milk. Aunt Cass’s eyes widened slightly, but she kept her face straight. Tadashi couldn’t help thinking it was an astonishing display of self-control. _Be strong, Tadashi,_ he thought as the urge to burst out laughing washed over him. _Be strong for Aunt Cass._

“W-w-well I-” Aunt Evelyn sputtered for a moment before recovering herself. “I never had any children, actually.”

“Then what’d you open your mouth for, Evie?” Great Aunt Lucy asked.

“Mom, I was just-”

“Ohh, _geez_ , I’m sorry.” Fred’s eyes widened and his hand went to his mouth, the perfect picture of contrite embarrassment. “I didn’t realize, I mean I just _assumed_.” He smiled weakly. “I shouldn’t have assumed, sorry. You know what they say, makes an ass out of you and me.”

Silently, Tadashi shoved another forkful of eggs in his mouth. _Don’t smile. Keep it together, don’t smile._

Aunt Evelyn gave him a polite but thin-lipped smile. “Oh, I dearly wanted them, but… well, that’s one of those things you compromise on, when you’re with someone. But I’m sure you know all about that.”

Fred beamed. “Sure do! We compromise on stuff loads of times. Dates and stuff.”

“ _Did_ you want kids?” Tadashi asked him nonchalantly, sipping on his orange juice.

Beside him, Fred coughed on a mouthful of sausage. “Little early for that, precious,” he said weakly.

Further down the table, Sarah snickered and made a strange hacking noise over her plate that sounded like “ _Gollum, Gollum_.” Tadashi saw Fred immediately look at her with his potential-new-friend face, before returning to his breakfast. Cheryl, her plate not quite empty, got up from the table and stalked away in a huff.

“Cheryl? Cheryl, if you’re finished I’ll take your plate-” While Evelyn was distracted calling after Cheryl, Aunt Cass sneaked a grin in their direction and flashed a quick thumbs-up. Tadashi smiled innocently and raised his glass of juice in a mock toast. Schadenfreude was sweet. Too bad Hiro had missed it.

* * *

After breakfast was finished and cleaned up, Amy and Justin tackling dish duty while Aunt Karen bounced their baby Vicky on her knee, the family dispersed to various parts of the household. Most of them ended up in the backyard, either sitting around on Aunt Evelyn’s tasteful patio furniture, or out playing tag in the vineyards with Greg, who’d pestered Sarah until she’d agreed to play, dragging her sister Rose along for the ride. Uncle Donald had disappeared into the garage to wax his boat and drink a few beers, much to Aunt Evelyn’s exasperation.

Not that Tadashi and Fred noticed much of this. They were busy trying to hide from Denise, Cheryl, and Aunt Evelyn. They were a single unit of overwhelming dread now. Fred now mentally referred to them as the Triumvirate, because at this point they inspired enough fear to warrant a supervillain-league title. If they kept it up, Fred would have enough time and space in his imagination to come up with villain names for all of them. He was thinking “the Meddler” for Cheryl. Very DC-Rogues-Gallery. Meddle me this, Batman!

They were in the hallway on the second floor, side by side with their shoulders separated by about a foot of space, deep in discussion. “Look, I’m just saying,” Tadashi said patiently. “I don’t think romantic compatibility automatically means drift compatibility.”

“I think it’s a rectangle-square kind of thing,” Fred reasoned. “Like not all drift-compatible people could be romantic, but if people are romantic then they’re drift compatible.”

“But I thought the implication was that drift compatibility is rare, right?” Tadashi looked thoughtful for a moment. “I mean it’d have to be, it’s literally someone you can share your brain with.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but…” Fred’s voice trailed off, and he nudged Tadashi lightly. Footsteps coming from around the corner in front of them. After that disastrous morning, Fred recognized those steps. Judging by the look on Tadashi’s face, he did to. _Cheryl_. Were they were standing too far apart? They were probably standing way too far apart. What should he do, grab his hand?

Fred’s nerve failed him, and he hesitated. Tadashi took the initiative by grabbing his hand and interlocking their fingers (and oh my did Fred’s heart flutter at that little detail) right as Evelyn’s friend rounded the corner and caught sight of them.

 _Don’t panic._ His mind groped frantically for options, and he said the first thing that popped up. “I bet _we’d_ be drift compatible, huh?” Quickly he pasted on a grin in the hopes that it would hide his internal mortified screaming.

Tadashi played a long. “You _know_ we would, gorgeous.” He looked up, as if seeing Cheryl for the first time. “Hi, Cheryl.”

The look that Cheryl gave them could have split rock, and she promptly turned and stalked off in the other direction. Fred resisted the urge to theatrically wipe the sweat from his brow.

“Showed her, didn’t we?” Tadashi whispered conspiratorially, grinning at Fred like a little kid, and Fred couldn’t help but grin back. He had to admit, there _was_ an element of fun to this. It was kind of like they were international spies or something, and they had to maintain their cover. Tadashi was really getting into it too, which only added to the fun.

“You know it, precious,” Fred whispered back with a wink, making Tadashi choke back laughter. Honestly, they were having so much fun it took Fred a whole minute to realize they were still holding hands.

“Well, now that we’ve scared her off, maybe it’s safe to go outside and visit with the others,” Tadashi suggested. “I don’t want to spend the whole week hiding from those...uh...”

“The Triumvirate of Trouble?” Fred offered, happy to have a chance to share his awesome nickname.

Tadashi’s eyes went wide like he’d swallowed a bug. “Oh my god, Fred. Where do you come up with these things?”

“Boredom and reading too much,” Fred said succinctly, with a thoughtful expression. Tadashi could only shake his head in disbelief.

“Well _that’s_ definitely going to stick,” he muttered under his breath, before continuing. “But yeah, we can’t spend the whole week avoiding the...Triumvirate. After all, the whole point of this reunion was to visit with family, and I’ve barely had a chance to really introduce you to any of them. So why don’t we head down to the backyard?”

Figuring that they were probably safe to move, Fred agreed. And so the two started heading down the stairs, headed for the back door in the kitchen that lead out onto the porch and the backyard.

Fred was on the second stair from the bottom when all of the sudden he was being stopped short by a hand grabbing him by the collar. He choked, but didn’t have time to do much more than that before he was being spun around and pushed against the wall. The only reason he didn’t lose his balance and fall down the last two steps was because Tadashi was just suddenly _there_ pinning him in place with a hand on his hip and the other pressed against the wall next to his head. They were so close together that Tadashi’s nose was brushing against his, and their breath was mingling.

Or rather their breath _would_ have been mingling if Fred dared to breathe at that moment. As it was, he was a little busy trying to get his heart to restart. It didn’t help that Tadashi was giving him the most intense bedroom eyes he’d ever seen. For a moment his mind was just running on a loop of _oh my god, oh my god, oh my god oh my god ohmygod_.

But then just as suddenly as Tadashi had pinned him, he was stepping back, and Fred was once again reminded that gravity was, in fact, a thing. He let out a little yelp as he started stumbling down the stairs, but he managed to just catch himself on the railing.

“Sorry,” Tadashi apologized quickly. Now that they were apart, Fred could see the bright red blush spreading across Tadashi’s face all the way up to his ears. “Sorry. I saw Denise coming, and I just acted. And I’m pretty sure she’s going to be the hardest to convince, so I...went a step beyond, I guess.”

Oh god, Tadashi was doing that thing where he ducked his head and looked like an embarrassed puppy. No fair, that was absolutely cheating, Fred _loved_ it when he did that. No human should ever look that cute when apologizing, it wasn’t natural!

But rather than saying that, Fred merely cleared his throat and smiled shakily. “Nah, man, it’s cool. After all, it’s not very convincing if you have to warn me all the time before you grab me, right? I’m okay, just lost my balance on the stairs, is all.”

Tadashi winced. “Oops. Yeah, sorry, that was dangerous. Shouldn’t have startled you on the stairs.”

“Like I said, it’s fine. No harm done, right?”

“Still, I’ll try not to catch you off guard like that again,” Tadashi told him solemnly. “It’s not safe.”

 _Fat chance of_ that _happening_ , Fred thought to himself. _You always catch me off guard_.

For a moment, Fred felt such a wave of wistful longing rushing through him that it took his breath away. Here he was, inches away from Tadashi Hamada, his biggest crush since Alex Boon in sixth grade, just minutes after being pinned to the wall. He was going to be sharing a bed with the man this very night, for a week. They held hands, they snuggled, they called each other pet names, they even kissed! It was everything he’d ever dreamed of!

But it was all fake, and that left a sour taste in Fred’s mouth that he just couldn’t get rid of. He was getting everything he wanted, but not really.

“Fred? Really, are you okay?” Tadashi asked, catching on to the sudden change in Fred’s mood. His head ducked lower, trying to catch Fred’s eyes from where they’d dropped to the floor.  
Immediately Fred looked up and _beamed_ his brightest smile. _Can’t let him notice, can’t let him figure it out, come on Fred, pull yourself together._ “Yeah,” Fred said cheerfully. “I was just thinking. If this is your plan for convincing Denise, I can’t wait to see what you pull for your Aunt Evelyn.”

Tadashi was frozen for a minute, as if caught off guard by the sudden unexpected change in Fred’s mood, and he needed a moment to process what had just happened. Then he snorted loudly, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. One hand came up to grip Fred’s shoulder so Tadashi could support himself as he bent over a little, trying to keep the giggles in. He eventually gave up, and released a loud, bright peal of laughter that filled the room.

“Oh god, Fred. I’m so glad I brought you,” Tadashi admitted after a few seconds of trying to get himself under control. His hand was like a warm brand pressed against Fred’s shoulder. “With your help and your sense of humor, I might just make it through all of this with my sanity intact.”

“Happy to help,” Fred wheezed. He simultaneously hoped that Tadashi would let go of him soon and prayed that he never would.

“Come on,” Tadashi said, still chuckling slightly. “Let’s go see if we can scrounge up a group to play hide and go seek in the vineyards. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen us go nuts out there. We’ve been doing it since we were little. It gets brutal.”

Fred was both relieved and disappointed when Tadashi let go of him to finish walking down the stairs and head to the backyard. Tadashi never looked back, so he felt safe for once to let his true expressions show. It was getting exhausting to wear the mask all the time.

Neither of them noticed someone watching them from behind the kitchen doorway.

* * *

The rest of the day passed relatively painlessly. They only needed to turn on the schmoop another two times, once to chase Aunt Evelyn off of Aunt Cass’ back again, and once more on Cheryl. Other than that, they wiled away the summer sun chasing Tadashi’s younger cousins around the backyard, picking grapes and eating them fresh off the vine, and sampling Uncle Bruno’s best lemonade. Dinner was another bountiful feast that left them all sleepy and stuffed, and they spent the evening all packed together in the theater room in the basement, watching Pixar movies until Greg fell asleep, and then switching over to Die Hard, much to Great Aunt Lucy’s excitement.

Aunt Evelyn had tried to protest Hiro joining them, claiming he was far too young for such a violent movie, but the collective shushing of everyone else in the family, the loudest from Great Aunt Lucy, had made her shut her mouth with a snap. She’d glowered and muttered under her breath for the rest of the movie.

Finally, after John McClane had finished killing everyone on the screen and blowing everything else up, it was time for bed. They yawned and waved to one another as they shuffled off to their respective sleeping arrangements, ready for sleep after a long day of visiting.

But it wasn’t until they got back to their room in the attic that Tadashi remembered their new little problem.

“Oh. Right,” he said, staring at the tiny bed that he and Fred would have to share from now on.

“Oh yeah,” Fred added with a wince. “Um, maybe we could…hold off on that?”

“No,” Tadashi cut him off, already knowing that Fred would once again try to offer to take the floor for the night. “If I know Cheryl, she’s stubborn. She’ll be back again tomorrow, or worse, she’ll send Denise up. We can’t risk it. Besides,” his tone became a bit more flat. “I would rather not have another rude awakening like this morning, you know?”

Fred went bright red and ducked his head, but before he could apologize _again_ , Tadashi leaned over and bumped their shoulders together to show he was just teasing.

Oddly enough, though, Fred did not look much more relieved. “Yeah, I get that,” he murmured, his eyes still locked on the single bed. Then, he sighed, his shoulders drooping. “Do you mind if you take the wall?” he asked plaintively, giving Tadashi his best puppy dog eyes.

As if he needed them. After everything Tadashi had put him through, Fred could have asked Tadashi to strip naked and run through Aunt Evelyn’s vineyards singing the Star Spangled Banner and he’d do it because he owed Fred that much. Taking the side of the bed next to the wall was no big deal by comparison. Although he was a bit curious as to why. Maybe that was how Fred slept at home? He’d never actually seen Fred’s room before, and now he couldn’t help but realize that Fred had never really talked about his home life much. It was rather strange, considering how much Fred talked about just about anything else. He wondered if he should be worried about that…

But that was something to think about for later. For now, they needed sleep. It was going to be another busy day tomorrow.

“Sure, Fred, I’ll take the inside,” he said casually, walking over to the pile of pillows Fred had shoved in the corner earlier that morning. He selected the least stained and lumpy one and placed it on the bed next to his own. They wouldn’t need any extra blankets of course, they’d be so close together that body heat alone would keep them warm.

Although now that he thought about it, Tadashi couldn’t help but notice that the room felt a little warm already. And his throat was a bit parched as well. He cleared it cautiously, feeling little beads of sweat break out on his forehead. Why was he so nervous all of the sudden?

Strangely and abruptly unable to look at Fred without feeling himself blushing, Tadashi made a beeline for his bags and his PJs, pulling them out with his eyes fixed firmly on the far wall. He changed quickly, trying very hard to ignore the fact that Fred was in the room with him. Why was he getting so nervous about this? It wasn’t like he was uncomfortable changing in front of people, he shared a room with Hiro for heaven’s sake. They regularly changed clothes without a care if the other one was present, after years of desensitization. But now out of nowhere Tadashi was feeling very bodyshy, and he couldn’t figure out why.

Or rather, he had an idea, but it was so preposterous that he immediately dismissed it. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he really needed to get out of this somehow too-hot room, _right now_.

The moment he finished changing, he dashed out of the room, headed for the bathroom so he could brush his teeth, moving so quickly he nearly knocked Hiro over as his little brother was struggling into his sleep pants. Hiro let out an indignant yelp, but Tadashi was already gone. When he reached the bathroom he slammed the door behind himself, gripping his toothbrush so tightly his knuckles were white.

What had gotten into him?

He spent a long time in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and splashing water on his face, trying to cool it down, so that by the time he got back both Hiro and Fred had finished changing, and Hiro was already snuggling down into his sleeping bag. Fred was sitting on the bed, waiting for him when he came back, with a faint concerned expression on his face, and at once Tadashi felt guilty. He shouldn’t be avoiding Fred, he _couldn’t_ be avoiding Fred. Not now that they were neck deep into this little deception with no way out soon. He had to get over himself, and fast.

“Bathroom’s free,” he choked out, going for the usual nonchalance he had when talking to Fred and missing by a mile. To Fred’s credit, he merely smiled at Tadashi and nodded, before gathering up his own toiletries and heading down the stairs. His shoulder brushed against Tadashi’s as he passed, and the temperature in the room spiked another few degrees.

Swallowing thickly, Tadashi crawled into bed, shifting over as far as he could so that Fred could fit in when he got back. He didn’t even bother with the thin sheets on the bed, still feeling hot and bothered. He pressed his forehead against the cool paint of the attic wall and closed his eyes and prayed that whatever he was feeling would pass soon.

When Fred came back into the room, he didn’t speak, simply crawled into bed with a loud creak of the bedsprings. He turned so his back was to Tadashi’s, lying so close to the edge of the bed that he must have been in danger of falling off, but they still touched at certain points, like shoulders and thighs. Each place was like a hot coal against Tadashi’s skin, and it was almost concerning that Fred was somehow running hotter than he was.

But Tadashi was too scared to say anything so he just laid there silently and pretended to sleep. He had a feeling he was not going to get much rest that night.

On the other side of the bed, Fred’s wide eyes stared out into the room as he silently tried to force himself to keep breathing normally. _No one_ was going to get much rest that night.


	6. Free Samples and a Show

Somehow Fred managed to sleep at some point, but he woke up five minutes before seven a.m., wide awake and flat on his back. His arm was asleep, because Tadashi had rolled halfway on top of it and cut off all circulation, but a dead arm was surprisingly the least of his worries. His eyes snapped open.

_I have a problem._

Fred kind of wanted to cry.

Why here? Why now? Why did this have to happen when his arm was trapped and he was lying on his back, pitching a mini blanket-tent? Was his entire body just conspiring against him? This could not have been a more perfect storm of awkward. The only way it could be any worse was if Tadashi actually woke up and noticed.

Fred waited on bated breath, feeling his heartbeat in his throat. But Tadashi was fast asleep beside him - he didn’t move, and Fred didn’t even hear a change in his breathing. He hadn’t woken up, and there was no sign that he would wake up any time soon. Besides, it was way earlier than it had been when they woke up the previous day, so there was a good chance that he had some time.

Silently Fred weighed his options. _Option 1: Just lie here and think about dead naked mole rats until it goes away._ Probably the easiest and least complicated of his options, but it was still risky. What if it took too long? _Option 2: Take care of it right here and now._ NO. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. THINK OF THE CHILDREN, FRED. _Option 3: Find a conveniently-placed glass of ice water and dump it on the problem._ No dice, mainly because there were no conveniently-placed glasses of ice water available. _Option 4: Take care of it somewhere else._ Still risky. With his arm trapped, how could he even go somewhere else in the first place?

Fred glared down at the problem with a level of venom he usually saved for people who spoiled new movies and episodes on the internet. _This is all your fault,_ he thought. Any minute now Tadashi would wake up and notice it and it would be weird and awful because morning wood was one thing but morning wood when you were _literally in bed with your best friend_ was another thing entirely. Everything sucked. Everything was terrible.

_I hate my life._

A sudden brainwave saved him from a total panic meltdown. Quickly Fred shoved the blanket down so that it bunched at his waist, successfully hiding his little issue (he hoped). He adjusted the blanket a little, before realizing that details didn’t really matter at seven in the morning. He was hiding a boner, not folding napkins at a banquet restaurant. Okay, that was step one. Step two would require a little delicacy.

Nervously, Fred wiggled his trapped arm. It wasn’t easy; with absolutely no feeling in the limb, moving it was pretty much impossible. But by shrugging his still-functional shoulder, he managed to get the same effect. With his free hand, he lightly poked Tadashi’s shoulder. “Psst. Hey. Tadashi.”

The only answer from Tadashi was the wordless groan of the not-quite-awake, which was actually what Fred was going for.

“I know, dude,” he murmured, hoping he wasn’t loud enough to wake Tadashi up all the way. “Gotta use the bathroom but you’re on my arm.”

Tadashi gurgled faintly and shifted. Fred managed to work his arm a little further toward freedom before his friend settled down again. Wincing, he tugged at his arm.

“Little more, dude. Please. It’s an emergency.” Fred focused on his arm and absolutely did not look at Tadashi’s face. He also absolutely did not think about the lines on his face caused by pressing against folds in the pillowcase, or his messy bedhead, or the pajama shirt that was just a _bit too loose_ -

This was not helping his problem at all.

Finally Tadashi mumbled something that sounded like “Mmmkay,” and rolled over, and Fred managed to yank his arm out from under him all the way. The limb still flopped around uselessly, and poking it felt like poking someone else. It was eerie, but the tingle and beginnings of pins and needles in his hand told him that the blood was rushing back in and he mostly likely would not have to amputate. And that was a relief, because he might need that arm and the hand attached to it, especially during times like these.

Next to him, Tadashi returned to his previous steady rhythm of breathing. He slept on, oblivious to everything going on around him; he probably hadn’t even woken up at any point. Fred envied him.

Moving quickly but cautiously, Fred slid off the mattress and wobbled to his feet. Stumbling a little, he retrieved a fresh change of clothes and his borrowed towel. Hiro was still fast asleep in his sleeping bag on the air mattress, so Fred tiptoed past him and opened the door, wincing at every separate rattle and squeak it made. When he had opened it to the absolute minimum necessary space, he slipped out into the hall.

He imagined Cheryl or anyone else in the Triumvirate strolling around the corner and seeing him, and could not suppress a full-body shudder at the mere mental image. Nope, that did not bear thinking about.

The nearest bathroom was vacant and the house was so far quiet; if anyone was awake, then they were on a lower floor. Good - no one was there to witness a single moment of his shame. _What is my life. What are my choices. What am I even doing anymore._

Sighing, Fred stepped into the shower, twisted the knob clockwise as far as it would go, and solved his problem by drowning it in very cold water. The frigid temperature nearly shocked a high-pitched yelp out of him, and Fred bit his lip so hard against it that he made himself bleed.

He tried not to feel too pathetic.

+++

Today saw the family back on the road. There was a very large and bustling farmer’s market in the area every Monday until well after noon, and it was something of a family tradition to spend the first half of the day there buying fresh ingredients for that evening’s picnic dinner at the nearby park. Tadashi was immensely glad of this, mainly because the car ride meant time spent in Aunt Cass’s truck and away from everyone else.

“How’re you two holding up?” Aunt Cass asked, sounding simultaneously amused and sympathetic.

“So far so good,” Tadashi answered. “Fred?”

“Hrngh.”

Hiro snickered, and Aunt Cass sent another sympathetic smile in Fred’s direction. “I wanted to thank you for being such a good sport, Fred,” she said. “Heaven knows certain members of my family are hard to deal with sometimes, and that’s coming from me who actually loves them. You’re doing fine.” She heaved a short sigh. “And, I feel terrible for saying this, but you two are getting on Evelyn’s nerves enough to get her off my back more often than usual. So thanks for that, too.”

Tadashi tried and failed to stop the snort of laughter before it came out. Fred laughed along until a yawn cut him off.

“You okay, Fred?” Tadashi asked, nudging him. “You’ve been kind of out of it this morning.”

“I didn’t sleep so good,” his friend admitted. “In fact, I pretty much slept like crap.”

“If you’re uncomfortable-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Before Tadashi could get alarmed at his weirdly short answer, Fred went on, “It’s cool, don’t worry about it. I need coffee or something.”

“Ooh, we’ve got just the thing, then,” Aunt Cass said cheerfully. “There’s a great stand at the market that sells the best coffee.” She paused, sniffing a little. “In this area, anyway. Mine’s still better.”

“Of course it is,” Fred agreed easily, somehow making it sound genuine instead of placating. Tadashi had no idea how he did it. “In fact, I hope you don’t mind if I ask for a big cup of it the moment we get back to San Fransokyo.”

“After all of the help you’ve given us, I’ll make you a whole _pot_.”

The conversation died as they pulled into the gravel parking lot that served the Farmer’s Market, the three boys gaping out the windows while Aunt Cass struggled to find a place to park. Even though they came here every year, to Tadashi and Hiro who grew up in the city, the Farmer’s Market always left them a little awestruck.

The market took up an entire farmer’s field, tents and stalls spread out over almost an acre of land. There were people selling everything from fruits and veggies to soaps to candles and crafts and yarn to even livestock. Anything and everything could be found at the market, so long as it would fit in a truck or a cart, and it seemed to Tadashi like there was something new every year. He never grew tired of the market. Already he was eyeing the closest stalls, trying to spot any goodies in particular that he wanted to buy.

One of the stalls nearby was selling smoked meats, and the tantalizing smells were floating through the air and right into their noses, even through the closed car windows. They’d only eaten breakfast an hour before, but already everyone was drooling.

“Normally we’re on our own for lunch,” Aunt Cass began to explain to Fred, but then suddenly cut herself off with a muttered curse as she finally spotted a parking spot at the same time as another driver. She jerked the steering wheel and gunned the engine, squeaking into the spot just ahead of an older couple in a tiny BMW. The couple gave her dirty looks through the windshield, but considering Aunt Cass’ truck was practically twice the size of their car they were forced to let it slide and continue to crawl through the lot, looking for a place to park. Aunt Cass just gave them a cheeky grin and a wave as they passed by.

“As I was saying,” she repeated as she threw the gear into park and cut the engine, “we’re usually on our own for lunch, because a lot of these booths have samples, and we all tend to buy snacks while we’re wandering around. As for dinner, we’re all supposed to bring something, but you guys don’t have to get anything in particular.”

“The Aunts and Uncles have assigned things to get,” Tadashi leaned over to Fred’s side to continue the explanation. Their shoulders brushed, and for a moment Tadashi’s heart sped up a bit before he gave himself a little shake. “Because otherwise we’d be eating about fifty different kinds of meat, cheeses, and pastries and not much else. So they make sure we at least get a balanced meal with veggies and healthy stuff, not just junk food. But then the cousins get to go out and pick up whatever we want.”

Fred looked intrigued. “That sounds pretty cool actually. So what do you guys usually get?”

“Actually, there’s kind of a competition between all of the cousins,” Hiro grinned at Fred as he undid his seatbelt. “Well, two competitions. Sort of. We compete to see who can bring back the tastiest thing - ” Hiro started.

“ - and who can bring back the weirdest,” Tadashi finished, opening the truck’s door and hopping out. “We’ve tried some crazy stuff from here, let me tell you.”

“Oh?” Fred raised an eyebrow. He followed Tadashi out of the truck’s cab, hopping to the ground with a crunch of gravel. He could see the tops of the stall tents about four rows of cars away. Aunt Cass had managed to snag a really good spot, considering how large the lot was. They started heading for the market. “Like what? Can’t be _that_ crazy, you’ve eaten Honey Lemon’s cooking when she has chemistry exams.”

“Deep fried butter,” Tadashi shot back with a smirk.

“Chocolate Fried Chicken,” Hiro added.

“That cran-raspberry cream cheese.”

“That one wasn’t _that_ weird,” Hiro frowned in confusion. “It was actually really tasty.

“It came in a jar shaped like a tuba.”

“Yeah, okay, that was a bit weird,” Hiro conceded. “But it was still really tasty. I’m pretty sure that was the only year someone won for tastiest _and_ weirdest thing.”

“Amy was so smug that year,” Tadashi reminisced with a smile. “First and only time she’s ever won, she got both of them.”

“Can’t be as bad as Canard à la Rouennaise,” Fred muttered under his breath as he ducked between the parked cars, looking for a shortcut through the parking lot. But the cars were parked so haphazardly that it was hard to find the fastest route. “That stuff was _gross_.”

“What’s that?” Hiro asked. “Sounds expensive.”

“It is,” Aunt Cass cut in, giving Fred an odd look. “It’s Duck in Blood Sauce, a French dish I believe, and it can run up to a thousand dollars a plate. Where on earth did you ever try that, Fred?

Fred suddenly went very stiff, and his eyes became fixed dead ahead. “Um, don’t really remember,” he said after a moment, sounding a bit nervous. “Might have crashed a fancy dinner party once or something. You know how it goes. Say. Have you guys ever won this food contest thing?” he quickly changed the subject, to Tadashi’s surprise. He’d never heard Fred sound so uncomfortable about something before. But he let it slide, figuring that if it was really important, Fred would tell him. “And what exactly _do_ you win?” Fred tacked on to the end.

“Bragging rights,” Hiro, Tadashi, and Aunt Cass all said in unison.

“And yeah, we’ve won,” Tadashi said slowly, already knowing where this was going. “In faaaact…”

“I hold the record,” Hiro announced, puffing up his chest. “I’m really good at it.”

“Though Braeden won last year,” Tadashi pointed out just as they reached the edge of the market, firmly taking the wind out of Hiro’s sails. He turned a dark look at his brother, but Tadashi merely stuck his tongue out cheekily.

“Okay kids, it’s time to split up,” Aunt Cass announced, digging around in her purse to pull out her cell phone. “Let’s synchronize our watches before we go though. Remember, we’re meeting up at _five thirty_ at the picnic benches, boys you remember where that is. Fred, stick with Tadashi and Hiro, they’ll show you where to go. If you get lost, call me, my phone is fully charged. Tadashi, Hiro, do _not_ lose Fred, you understand me?”

“Yes Aunt Cass,” the brothers chorused dutifully.

“Well then. Go have fun kids! And keep an eye out for your family, I’m sure you’ll run into them sooner or later. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find watermelon and potato salad.” And with that, Aunt Cass headed off into the market, dodging around screaming kids and bored teenagers on their phones and retired couples holding hands and carrying large brown bags of groceries. Within moments she was swallowed up into the chaos of the market.

The three boys who had been left behind took a moment to share a look, and then an evil grin grew across Hiro’s face.

“I’m gonna go find the weirdest thing!” he shouted, before suddenly taking off like a rabbit running from a hound. “See you guys later!” he tossed over his shoulder, and then he was gone.

Tadashi and Fred just blinked, staring at the space Hiro had once been. After a second, Tadashi cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well then, I guess it’s just you and me,” he said slowly.

“Yup,” Fred said back. “Sooooo?” He started rocking back and forth on his heels, an excited smile tugging at the sides of his lips. There was a sparkle to his eyes that Tadashi was used to seeing on free comic book day or when one of the lab crew was revealing some brand new piece of tech. It had always brought an answering smile to Tadashi’s face. It was hard to resist when Fred looked exactly like a kid about to meet Santa. “What should we do first?” Fred asked.

Tadashi’s smile only got bigger, as he suddenly realized that he was going to get a whole day to just show his best friend around, taking him to all of Tadashi’s favourite booths and stalls, watching his face while he tried homemade sugar dates for the first time, snacking on cheese curds and pretzel sticks. He knew that the two of them were going to have a _blast_.

“Well,” Tadashi began. “If we’re going to do this right, we need to start at Mrs. Pucci’s stall, which is usually on the west side of the market. She gives out free bread smothered in her honey as samples, and you’ve _got_ to try it.”

“Mmmmm,” Fred slurped, licking his lips theatrically. “Sounds tasty. What are we waiting for, _precious_?”

“You’re right, _gorgeous_ ,” Tadashi held up his elbow, offering it to Fred. “Let’s go, shall we?”

Laughing, Fred took his elbow like a dainty victorian maiden, and the two walked off into the farmer’s market.

+++

“Hiro’s probably had one heck of a head start,” Tadashi said ruefully. Pausing to give the woman by the fruit stall a winning smile, he took two free samples from her plate and passed one to Fred. “He has a knack for finding the weird stuff, especially if he has time to pick and choose.”

Fred eased the the fat grape off its toothpick and rolled it in his mouth before biting down on it. Juice exploded so violently that a jet of it squirted out of his mouth. “Whoops- well, I hope you don’t mind if I challenge his title,” he said casually. “I am the _king_ of eating weird stuff. So like, yell if you see anybody selling casu marzu or something.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Tadashi assured him. And then, after a pause, “What’s casu marzu?”

Internally, Fred kicked himself. That was the second time in less than half an hour he’d let something like that slip, and if he wasn’t careful he’d slip up and cause an avalanche in his brain or something. It was hard enough to keep one secret from Tadashi over this trip without dragging out the other one. And yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have kept it so close to the vest for so long, but “By the way, dude, my parents are loaded,” had never come up in casual conversation. As if this whole occasion wasn’t awkward enough.

And worst of all, he was making himself think about casu marzu again.

He shuddered involuntarily, hoping Tadashi wouldn’t notice. “You don’t want to know.”

“Alrighty then.” To Fred’s enormous relief, Tadashi let the topic drop. “Oh hey, if the layout’s close to what it was last year, there’s a great sandwich stall somewhere around here. If you want to buy lunch,” he added with a shrug. “The market’s big enough that we could probably just fill up on free samples.”

“Free food,” Fred said dreamily. “Tadashi, you are speaking my language.”

“Fred, we’re guests, remember?” From the sound of it, Tadashi was doing his best to hold back laughter. “Every meal we’ve eaten since we got here has been free.”

In a moment of impulsiveness, Fred reached over to lightly poke Tadashi on the cheek. “I know that,” he said, throwing on a grin before his internal screaming had the chance to show up on his face. “But there’s a difference between sitting down at somebody else’s table and getting silently judged by like three people, and wandering around in basically an outdoor Costco. Free samples for lunch would be awesome. Besides,” he went on, patting the pants pocket that held his wallet. “I want to save up for my weirdness contest entry.”

“Not everything’s expensive around here,” Tadashi reminded him with a slight grin that most definitely did not make Fred’s heart do the fluttery thing. “The deep-fried butter came pretty cheap.”

“Yeah, but…” Fred paused, mulling over how to word this. “A lot of ‘gourmet’ food is just pretentious weird stuff that rich people blow money to eat for the sake of bragging rights.”

Tadashi raised an eyebrow at him. “How would you… oh!” His eyes lit up with understanding before Fred had the chance to panic over an explanation. “Right. Crashing fancy dinner parties. Is that where you heard about that casu marzu thing?”

“Uhhh…” Fred spotted a nearby stall with a plate full of sausage samples, and snagged one to stuff into his mouth. He mumbled around the toothpick sticking out of his mouth, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally.

Rolling his eyes, Tadashi took a sample for himself. “Seriously, you have me curious now. What the heck is casu marzu?”

Swallowing his mouthful, Fred told him. Tadashi almost inhaled the toothpick.

True to Tadashi’s prediction, they eventually filled up on samples. Fred kept an eye out for anything that looked promisingly weird. One stall caught his eye with a few bags of salmon jerky for sale, and his hand was halfway to his wallet when he spotted Tadashi’s cousin Sarah darting in to snag one. Slightly disappointed, he left it alone. He wasn’t sure what the contest rules were on two people bringing the same thing, but he could safely bet that it wouldn’t lead to a win. He’d just have to keep looking.

“Hey, have we looked over there yet?” he asked, pointing to another section of the market. A lot of the stalls looked the same at first glance, with the same big white tent coverings on most of them. It was hard to tell the difference between where they’d been and where they were going.

“Well, no,” Tadashi answered. “But there won’t be much food over there. Mostly arts and craft stuff, like jewelry and pottery and glassware, that kind of thing.”

“Hmm… well we got time, don’t we?” Fred said thoughtfully.

“Couple hours.”

“Awesome. C’mon, precious.” Fred tugged at his arm, grinning. It was getting easier - less cringey - to call him that. “Help me find a present for my mom.” 

He sneaked a look at Tadashi’s face, just in time to see the fond smile and eyeroll before Tadashi followed him. “Right behind you, gorgeous.”

 _It’s fake,_ Fred reminded himself, not for the first time. _None of this relationship stuff is real._ But there were stalls full of shiny things and wooden carved decorations and handmade scarves, and Tadashi was already picking up a bear statue and mimicking its facial expression. Fred burst out giggling on the spot, and his entire brain shrugged and went “What the hell?”

As long as they were playing make-believe, why shouldn’t he have some fun pretending?

A flash of boldness came over him, and he quickly linked arms with Tadashi before it wore off. “Play it safe, right?” he muttered with a hopeful smile. “We don’t know where anyone is, so…” 

“Good thinking.” Grinning, Tadashi put the statue back, and the two went off through the arts and crafts stalls, arm in arm.

There was a lot to look at. Wall hangings, paintings, pottery, handmade jewelry, and even one stall devoted to selling lawn ornaments were on display. Fred had always been a “look with your hands” kind of guy, so the full seven minutes he spent feeling every individual scarf and hat at one sweet old lady’s fabric stall was time well spent. If Tadashi was getting impatient with him (which frankly did not bear thinking about), he didn’t show it. Fred was starting to get self-conscious when Tadashi casually swiped the stocking cap off his head and replaced it with one of the stall’s knit caps. When Fred was done squawking in surprise, he took it off to look at it. It was bright neon purple with slightly less eye-bleeding blue stripes, ear flaps, and a fuzzy yarn pompom on top.

He nodded with approval. “Good eye, man,” he remarked, and tried not to squirm when Tadashi absolutely _beamed._

“Think your mom would like it?” Tadashi asked. He sounded like he was joking.

“She’ll definitely notice it,” Fred said, half to himself. “Perfect. How much is it?”

“I can pay for it,” Tadashi offered.

“You don’t have to,” Fred said quickly, mentally digging his heels in.

“Split the price?”

Fred hesitated.

“I mean we _are_ dating…” Tadashi grinned at him impishly. “And relationships are all about compromise, so…”

He could feel his own mental resistance evaporating. “Well, if you insist. Precious.” _Wow I am so good at keeping my feelings a secret._

“I do insist, gorgeous,” Tadashi said, and winked at him.

_I’m going to die._

Fred was proud of himself for how quickly he recovered from that, though. With the bag swinging from one hand, he went back to the easy, carefree make-believe from before. Arm in arm, the two of them strolled around like newlywed idiots and tried not to burst out laughing as they explored more stalls. As it turned out, this was extremely fortunate.

Tadashi was trying and failing to hold in his laughter as he halfheartedly pulled at Fred’s arm. Fred was half ignoring him, determined to poke every single set of wind chimes hanging in one stall. Finally, when Tadashi gave up and joined in, a pair of familiar faces rounded the corner and spotted them. It wasn’t the pleasant sort of familiar, either; it was Cheryl and Denise.

Fred was the first to spot them, out of the corner of his eye, and with some difficulty he resisted the urge to look directly at them. Instead, he leaned in to whisper in Tadashi’s ear. To anyone watching, it would have looked like he was sharing some intimate secret. Tadashi turned to him with a bright smile to murmur back, looking for all the world like he was answering Fred’s hushed secret with one of his own.

In reality, Fred was whispering, “Hey Princess Bubblegum, don’t look now, but here comes Gunther and the Ice King,” and a frantically smiling Tadashi muttering back, “ _Mother fucking shit._ ”

The two of them stood there a moment, playing with the wind chimes and hoping that Cheryl and Denise would just walk on by, but that hope was short lived as they heard Cheryl suddenly calling out Tadashi’s name. He barely bit back a groan before turning to face the oncoming pair.

 _Show time_ , Fred sighed to himself, turning as well as if he’d just noticed the newcomers.

“Cheryl!” Tadashi greeted warmly, his face still fixed in that too-bright smile that he pulled out when dealing with customers at the cafe who he couldn’t stand. “Denise! How’s it going, you two? Find anything interesting?”

Fred noted that while Cheryl had several bags hanging over her elbows, Denise was suspiciously bare of packages. He wondered if she was involved in this fancy food hunt too, or if she was even aware of it. He had a moment to feel a bit guilty, wondering if they were being cruel by excluding her from the activities. He hoped someone else had told her about it.

“Tadashi!” Cheryl said just as warmly, but then her eyes fell on Fred, and she blinked in surprise what looked like dismay. “And...Fred,” she finished a bit lamely. She stalled out for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure what to say, and Denise scowled. All at once Fred realized that they hadn’t seen him with Tadashi when they’d spotted him and come over. They must have thought it was the perfect opportunity to corner Tadashi when he was alone, and probably try to “talk some sense into him.”

All at once whatever guilt and pity Fred might have felt for Denise evaporated like steam. If she and her mother were going to keep harassing Tadashi at every opportunity, then he was going to make life just as difficult for them.

“Cheryl and Denise!” he suddenly shoved himself forward, much to Tadashi’s surprised based on the soft gasp he let out, “Great timing! Tadashi and I were _just_ discussing which of these windchimes might be a better gift for my mother. His idea, of course, he’s such a sweetheart. It’s why my mother absolutely _adores_ him, he’s such a gentleman around her. Not as much as _I_ adore him, of course, but you know what I mean.” _That’s right, bitch. You thought you could just come over here and snag my man while I’m not around? Well now you have to listen to us talk about how perfect we are for each other_. Hopefully that would be enough to drive the two of them away and then he and Tadashi would be free to continue on with enjoying the market _without_ having to watch their backs the whole time.

“O-of course,” Cheryl spluttered, caught off guard as Fred grabbed both her and Denise around the shoulders and dragged them toward the wind chimes stall.

“I was thinking that we should go with something that reminds her of _us_ , you know?” Fred said thoughtfully, complete with rubbing his chin. “You know, because it’s a gift from us. But it has to be pretty as well as meaningful, right? Only the two of us can’t decide which of these chimes best represents our relationship. You two know Tadashi pretty well, don’t you? And we’ve already spent _so_ much time together, you’re starting to feel just as much like family to me as you do to him. Right, Precious?”

Fred looked over just in time to see Tadashi carefully schooling his features to something that could possibly be called neutral. The laughter-tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and the bright red face kind of ruined it a bit. Still, his voice was impressively smooth as he responded. “Of course, Gorgeous. I was thinking the one with the two lovebirds myself,” he pointed at one of the wind chimes that, sure enough, had a pair of lovebirds on the top in painted enamel. “But Fred was partial to the angel, because…”

He wasn’t going to be able to finish that sentence and keep a straight face, Fred could already tell, so he quickly jumped in. “Because he’s like an angel to me,” Fred finished for Tadashi. Just for good measure, he reached out and clasped Denise’s hands in his own, starring deep into her eyes. “So please. You’ve got to help us. We’ve been trying to decide for _ten whole minutes_ , this has been like the longest fight we’ve ever had. And we _hate_ fighting.”

For a moment he worried that he had been laying it on a bit too thick, because Denise almost looked like she was about to burst out laughing as she carefully extracted her hands from his, but then she coughed delicately and the moment was gone. Instead she actually approached the wind chimes with a critical eye, reaching out and stroking each one and setting them ringing. After testing out each of them on the rack, she pulled out one from the back of the rack that he hadn’t even seen.

All of the chimes were beautiful, of course, but this one was especially lovely. Its top was a beautifully wrought tree covered in emerald enamel, and each of the chimes hanging below was engraved with delicate ivy patterns. She held it up for all of them to observe.

“What about this one?” she offered. Her voice took on a slightly acidic tone. “Tadashi likes green, right? It’s his favourite colour. And I think this one is less tacky than the others, anyway.”

Fred blinked at her in shock, and then turned to Tadashi. “Green’s your favourite colour?” he asked, the question slipping out before he could think better of it. The moment it was out though, he knew he’d made a mistake, because he could see something like triumph light up in Cheryl’s eyes. _Shit_ , Fred cursed to himself. _I’m an idiot. What kind of boyfriend doesn’t know his boyfriend’s favourite colour? Worse,_ Denise _knows it! Shit, shit, shit._

But externally, he simply grinned at the girl, hoping it didn’t look too manic. “You know what? This would look _perfect_ in my mom’s garden.” He took the wind chime from her, absently noting that it _was_ actually really pretty. And although he had no idea what these kinds of things were supposed to cost, the price seemed rather reasonable. “Thank you, Denise! You really helped us out! I’ll make sure that we tell my mom that you helped us pick it out when we give it to her. Right, Precious?”

Denise’s eyes flicked between him and Tadashi, and then to her mother. Fred could see the cogs turning in her mind, but what she was thinking about, he had no idea. Had she noticed the same thing her mother had? Or was she thinking of something else? Something worse?

To his surprise, her thoughtful expression suddenly morphed into a stiff smile and she took a careful step back. “Happy to help,” she told him politely, “I hope your mom likes it.”

And then to both Fred and Tadashi’s shock, she grabbed her mother by the wrist and started dragging her away. “Come on, mom,” she said, flicking her dark braid over her shoulder. “You said you wanted to replace that bracelet that Adam broke, right? That stall should be around here somewhere.”

“Yes, but - I don’t think - wait - _Denise!_ ” Cheryl shrieked, trying to stop her daughter’s forward momentum, but Denise just clutched resolutely at her mother’s arm and pulled until the older woman finally stumbled into motion, stammering all the while.

Fred was hardly daring to believe his luck. They were leaving already? He barely had to do anything! And Denise was the one making her mother leave! Maybe he’d somehow convinced her to give up on Tadashi? Maybe talking about wind chimes had made her think that Tadashi was well and truly gay. A bit stereotyping of her, but Fred wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Only as she and her mother walked away, Fred caught her looking back at them, and his breath caught in his throat a bit. Her dark brown eyes were calculating as she stared him down across the market stalls, narrowing a bit as she noticed him looking back. Just then Fred knew that it wasn’t over between them at all. And then a large group of shoppers passed between them, and the moment was gone.

“What the hell was that?” Tadashi suddenly spoke up, making Fred jerk in surprise. He’d actually forgotten that he wasn’t alone for a moment. “Laying it on a bit thick, weren’t we?”

Shaking off the weird encounter with Denise, Fred tuned back to Tadashi and shrugged. “I figured I’d try to scare them off by being super cutesy. I didn’t really have much time to come up with a plan, and it works pretty well on Hiro.”

Tadashi glanced thoughtfully in the direction that Denise and Cheryl had vanished, and then shrugged as well. “I guess it worked. Although I’m pretty sure we’re stuck buying that wind chime now. They’d notice if we didn’t have it later.”

“That’s okay, I wasn’t lying when I said my mom will like it. She collects all sorts of artsy stuff, although...she doesn’t usually get it from places like this,” he said, thinking of his mother’s art galleries and frequent trips to auctions and gallery sales. This wind chime would probably be the least expensive piece in her collection, but as long as he told her it was made by a local artist, she’d eat it up.

“Really?” Tadashi perked up at the mention of Fred’s mom. “You know, you never really talk about your parents.”

This was the perfect opportunity for Fred to slip up _yet again_ about his rather upper class lifestyle, but after so many mistakes throughout the day he was ready for this one. “Yeah, well, after you told us about… y’know… what happened to your folks, we kind of all agreed we shouldn’t bring ours up. Didn’t want to bring up bad memories, or rub anything in, you know?” And the best part was he wasn’t even lying. It had been Honey Lemon’s idea, when it had first come up when they were all getting to know each other, but they’d all readily agreed to it. Considering he was pretty sure Wasabi’s mom had died when he was younger too, they’d all been really good at keeping talk of parents to a minimum. Siblings, on the other hand, were fair game as Tadashi often liked to demonstrate.

But before Tadashi could ask again, Fred quickly and skillfully changed the subject. He offered the wind chime to the stall’s owner, who started ringing up his purchase. “Besides, you never mentioned that your favourite colour is green. What other secrets have you been hiding from me? I thought we were bros, man!”

It might have been just a trick of the light, but for a moment he could have sworn Tadashi’s expression faltered. But just as quickly, he looked completely normal, so Fred dismissed it as just his imagination.

“Well, to be fair, I don’t think you’ve ever asked. And I don’t know yours either,” he pointed out. 

“Is this a not-so-subtle attempt to find out?” Fred teased. He held out his hand to receive his change from the stall’s owner with a thanks as well as his brand new wind chime carefully wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a lovely gift bag with the artisan’s label on it. “It’s blue by the way.”

“Really?” Tadashi asked, leading the way out of the stall. “For some reason I was going to guess red.”

“Nah, red’s my second favourite colour,” Fred said. He followed Tadashi dutifully as they started heading in the opposite direction from where Denise and Cheryl had gone, heading back towards the food stalls and hopefully more free samples. “I dunno, I just always liked blue better. The Blue Power Ranger never got enough love, man. He was brilliant, but everyone liked the Red Power Ranger better because he was the leader, you know?”

“Ah yes,” Tadashi grinned. “I, too, chose my favourite colour based on my favourite Power Ranger.”

“Dude, the Green Ranger was evil. Then again, that explains so much.” He stuck his tongue out at Tadashi teasingly, and just for fun bumped him with his shoulder. Tadashi nearly stumbled into a barrel full of pickles and had to spend a few seconds apologizing to the stall worker while the old man glared at him from underneath a wicker hat. Unrepentant, Fred watched and snickered.

Once he managed to get away from the pickle seller, Tadashi stomped over and gave Fred a hard shove. Fred was laughing hard enough that he wasn’t able to resist it, and almost fell over.

“You’re gonna make _me_ turn evil,” Tadashi muttered under his breath, but the corners of his lips were twitching so Fred knew he wasn’t _that_ angry. The two of them continued further into the market, keeping their eyes peeled for any free samples or any strange foods they could try.

Suddenly, about twenty minutes later, Fred spotted it. His eyes lit up and he reached out and grabbed Tadashi by the wrist, stopping him mid-step and dragging him across the aisle of stalls right up to one in particular. While the stalls and booths on either side had rather large groups crowding in front of them, this one only had a single couple perusing the baskets on display.

And there was a good reason. These people seemed to be sold out of most of their produce; a lot of the baskets had been picked over, leaving only the smallest and least-pretty. There was one woman on hand to help customers; the others working with her were busying themselves with boxes farther back, though whether they were packing up or getting ready to set out more stuff, Fred couldn’t tell. He also didn’t really care, because what interested him was the one basket that hadn’t been picked over yet.

“Yesssss.” He drew out the hiss gleefully, picking up one of the basket’s contents. He hefted it, squeezed it to check its ripeness, and held it up for Tadashi to see. “What do you think?”

“Uh…” Tadashi studied the object in Fred’s hands thoughtfully, reaching out cautiously to poke one of the spikes protruding from its yellow-orange exterior. “What exactly is that thing?”

“Xenomorph egg,” Fred replied, straight-faced. “If it’s not eaten by the time it ripens, it’ll hatch, and the infant inside will infiltrate the highest branches of government by infecting weak-minded politicians - those it doesn’t just eat, anyway.”

Tadashi stared at him, nonplussed, and Fred had to wonder if his straightforward delivery had simply caught him off guard, or actually half-convinced him for a split second. The awkward moment was broken when the woman watching the stall lost her internal battle and burst out giggling.

“I’m kidding, dude, it’s kiwano. Also known as an African horned melon, also known as my entry to the weird-food contest.” He paused, thoughtful for a moment. “And possibly the tasty-food contest. These things are pretty good if you don’t mind spitting out seeds.”

Tadashi raised an eyebrow at him, but any attempt at maintaining his cool was wasted when his face crumpled and he snickered. “Xenomorph egg… Fred, you kill me.” He sobered a moment later. “Are you sure, though? That thing seems kind of pricey.”

“Can’t be that bad,” Fred said with a shrug, before turning to read the sign. Still not a fraction of what his dad could make in under a minute by standing still and breathing, but… well, it was the principle of the thing. “...Oh you have got to be kidding me. Seriously? I know this is a farmer’s market, not a grocery store, but that is _way_ overpriced. No wonder no one’s been buying these.”

The woman looked almost offended. “Actually, the kiwano just hasn’t found a niche in western cuisine,” she informed him politely. “It’s also the most difficult to grow, so we had to adjust the price.”

Fred made a noncommittal noise and dug into his wallet. He could feel Tadashi’s eyes on him, and wondered if he’d caved to easily. It really wasn’t that much money, not objectively. Yes, for one fruit it was a bit much, but even with just a normal allowance or a part time job it wasn’t that bad. Was it?

 _Go hard or go home,_ he thought, and paid for two melons. “Stop looking at me like that.” He nudged Tadashi lightly. “Trust me, this is nowhere near the dumbest thing I’ve ever spent money on.”

“If you say so.” Fred wasn’t sure how Tadashi could put the emotion of an eyeroll into his tone of voice, but he did exactly that. It was for that reason that Fred was actually almost happy when he spotted Evelyn and Donald off in the crowd. They were well out of hearing range, and Fred wasn’t sure if they could see them from this distance. But why risk it? “Wuh-oh. Hold still.” Before he could lose his nerve, he leaned over and kissed Tadashi on the cheek. “Think they saw us?”

“Uh?” Tadashi paused, and apparently caught sight of his aunt and uncle. “Oh! I dunno, maybe, maybe not. Uncle Donald’s not really a problem; I get the feeling it’s all my aunt and he doesn’t really care. Good eye, though.”

“Thanks, precious.” Fred hefted his bags. “Well, I think I’ve bought enough. I gotta say, though, if I’d known I was gonna have to save face by buying wind chimes, I wouldn’t have bothered with the hat.”

“Well, you can always wear it,” Tadashi pointed out. “It’s got blue on it. Your favorite color and all that.”

“True. Maybe…” his voice trailed off. The words _Maybe Heathcliff will like it_ died on the tip of his tongue. Mentioning Heathcliff meant answering the obvious question and explaining who Heathcliff was. “Well, I’ll think of something,” he finished lamely. 

Tadashi gave him a look out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t comment.

+++

By the time they joined the others over by the picnic benches, Tadashi was wondering how they were going to possibly eat more food. They’d walked back into the food-seller’s part of the market and apparently they’d timed it perfectly for when each stall had just refreshed their free samples stock, and like idiots they’d taken one of everything. The thought of more food made Tadashi feel a little nauseous.

But he couldn’t help perking up a bit when they arrived, because Uncle Henry and Uncle Bruno had started the barbecue, and the scents coming off of the grill were heavenly. Uncle Henry was in the middle of throwing another thick, juicy sausage on the fire, ignoring Uncle Bruno who insisted that the ribs needed to go on first. It wasn’t unusual to see the two brothers squabbling, but it was nice to see that Uncle Bruno wasn’t sticking to his wife’s usual crazy diets. Last year Aunt Margaret had insisted on serving her sons and husband tofu dogs and nothing else, and Tadashi had felt so guilty every time he’d looked over and seen Braeden and Greg watching him eat his burger with longing expressions.

Thankfully, they had time to digest their free samples lunch before dinner finished cooking, so Tadashi lead the way over to the table where the cousins were setting up shop. Not everyone was back yet, Hiro and Will notably absent, but there already seemed to be a large assortment of entries for the weird food contest sitting on the table.

“Hey guys,” Tadashi said as he and Fred took seats at the picnic bench, Justin and Amy sliding over to make room for the two of them. Already space was squishy.

“Hey, Tadashi, hey, Fred,” Sarah grinned as she toyed with what looked like her weird food entry. “How’d you find the market?”

Tadashi wrinkled his nose a bit as he took in the green packaging and smiling pickle cartoon on the front of the food item she was playing with. “Pickle Pops?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Believe me,” she gave him a saucy smile. “I’m definitely not trying to win the best tasting competition with these. They’re _disgusting_ , but that’s the best part. You all have to try them too.”

“Greeeeaaaat,” Braeden drawled, keeping his face propped up with one fist. His bright red curls obscured his face, but Tadashi could practically see him rolling his eyes anyways. “Can’t wait. Rose, please tell me you got something tasty to combat that.”

“Mr. Khan had a new recipe for almond cookies this year,” Rose said, holding up a bag of soft-looking cookies covered in powdered sugar, and each of the cousins brightened perceptively, Tadashi himself included. 

“Oh man, Fred, you’ve _got_ to try these,” Tadashi quickly gushed, turning his body a little on the bench so he could speak to Fred directly. He heard Amy let out a little grunt as he knocked her back, but Justin caught her so he wasn’t too concerned. “Even Aunt Cass thinks they’re to die for. She begs him every year for the recipe but he refuses to share. They’re _amazing_.”

Around the table everyone let out sounds of agreement. Each of them was eyeing the package of cookies with a hungry expression. Sarah even went as far as trying to sneak a sample, but Rose slapped her sister’s hand down.

“No. We don’t eat these until everyone gets here,” she said firmly. “You know the rules.”

Sarah groaned in protest, but reluctantly withdrew her hand.

Lucky for her and everyone else (including Tadashi whose own mouth was starting to water), Hiro and Will strolled up together not even five minutes later, though each had a dark look on their faces. And oddly enough, both were empty handed. They split off from one another the moment they reached the table and selected seats as far from each other as they could. Immediately everyone knew _something_ had happened.

“Care to share?” Sarah was the first to ask, looking for an opportunity to tease her youngest sibling no doubt.

Hiro and Will glared at each other from across the table, as if daring the other to speak first, and then both suddenly burst into shouting at once.

“Well _I_ was the one who was there first! And - ”

“But you hadn’t even spotted them yet, so _I_ was the one who - ”

“You liar! That’s not how that works! You - ”

“ - don’t know what you’re talking about, I grabbed them first fair and - ”

“ - owner was talking to _me_ first! So - ”

“ - was _your_ fault that we didn’t see that stupid guy with the hat who - ”

Tadashi was an inch away from stepping in to intervene, but Amy, beat him to the punch. He never even saw her move - one moment she was sitting beside him, and the next she was on the other side of the table, deftly pinching her younger brother by the ear. Helpfully Tadashi slipped out of his seat and reached over to give Hiro’s hood a rough tug, cutting him off so that he couldn’t get the last word in while Will was occupied.

The look on Amy’s face was thunderous. If getting grabbed hadn’t silenced them, then the eldest cousin’s withering look certainly did. “If you _don’t mind,_ ” she hissed. “Both of you knock it off. The two of you are going to scare Victoria!” Her eye twitched. “Do you know how much street driving it took to calm her down this morning? Do you? _I don’t think you do._ ”

Sure enough, her daughter’s face was scrunched up, looking ready to throw a tantrum. The only thing that seemed to be preventing the baby’s total meltdown was Justin frantically bouncing her on his knee and making as many silly faces as he could manage.

“Sorry, Amy,” Will grumbled, suitably chastised. “Leggo my ear.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Hiro echoed. Tadashi let go of his hood and returned to Fred’s side.

Satisfied, Amy retook her seat, scooping baby Vicky out of her husband’s arms and settling her against her shoulder in one smooth motion. “Now. Try that again. Will? Care to explain?” she asked calmly.

Will, for his part, only gave Hiro one more dirty look before he began to talk. “The two of us both found the perfect weird food at _the same time_ ,” he emphasized over Hiro’s scoff, “and we ended up arguing who would get to bring it. But while we were busy fighting, some guy in a really weird hat came along and bought the place out, so neither of us got anything. And by then it was too late to find something else, so we just headed back.”

“I still say I was there first,” Hiro muttered under his breath. He yelped when Tadashi aimed a kick at him under the table. “Ow! Dude!”

“You heard Amy,” Tadashi gave him a meaningful look, before relaxing a bit. “But I gotta ask, what _was_ it?”

“Pickle Pops,” Will and Hiro chorused together.

There was a pause, and then Sarah burst out laughing, throwing her arms wide to show off her stash to the two boys. Tadashi couldn’t help it, he started laughing too, and then Fred, and then everyone joined in. Greg was laughing so hard he nearly fell off of the bench, with only a quick grab from Rose saving him.

“Okay, okay, that was _really_ funny,” Amy eventually choked out. “But I think it’s time for this competition to begin now that everyone’s all here. I think dinner’s going to be done soon anyways.”

“Let’s start with the weird stuff first!” Greg shouted, practically banging his fists on the table in excitement. “I wanna try booger soup!”

Amy’s expression soured. “Ugh, booger soup? Braeden, what the hell have you been telling him?”

Braeden just snickered.

They traditionally went in order of age, but they decided that Fred could go last as he was a guest. With Will and Hiro out of the competition, only Sarah, Braeden, Greg, and Fred had entries, but the group was kind of glad for it. Sarah’s Pickle Pops were _disgusting_.

But after Greg’s cheerfully presented “slug guts” (which were really just jello with yoghurt), it was Fred’s turn. Everyone looked at him with vaguely interested expressions, as if they weren’t expecting much from him for his first time, but they were about to be surprised. Fred carefully extracted three spiky orange fruit from the brown paper bag they’d been given to him in, and placed them reverently on the table. Everyone but Tadashi blinked. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…” Fred paused dramatically for effect, to Tadashi’s amusement, “...the Horned Melon.”

There was a moment of confusion. “What.” Hiro stated.

But now that he was the center of attention, Fred was ready to put on a show. “It may not look like much on the outside - in fact it may look like something out of a horror movie on the outside - but on the _inside_ , oh my friends, on the inside is where the magic happens.” He pulled out a knife he’d stolen from one of the food stalls for just this purpose. With the intensity of a surgeon performing the first incision, he carefully pressed the knife to the spiky orange flesh, pressing until there was a gush of green juices, and then sliced all the way through. Raising the two halves up, he displayed the bright green insides to his captive audience. “Behold!”

Again, he was met with stunned expressions. “The heck? It’s _green_ on the inside?” Sarah managed to choke out.

“It looks like a bacteria,” Hiro noted absently.

“Or like an alien egg or something.” Greg’s eyes were wide enough to be perfectly round. “Are we eating it so that it doesn’t hatch and try to crawl into the president’s brain and take over the world?”

“Oh god, I’m having flashbacks to the Pickle Pops already,” Will moaned.

“Aha! But that’s the best part!” Fred announced. He sliced one of the halves in two again, handing one piece to Tadashi and keeping the other for himself. “Because the best thing about the horned melon, is that it’s actually really tasty. Here, allow me to demonstrate. Tadashi, care to try it with me?”

Tadashi eyed the strange pulpy flesh of the fruit with a bit of hesitation, but one glance up at Fred’s hopeful expression, and he knew he had no choice. Besides, it couldn’t be as bad as those Pickle Pops. So he raised his horned melon slice, tapping it against Fred’s as if they were clinking glasses, and then followed Fred’s lead by squeezing the orange rind until the fruit popped out into his mouth.

Immediately there was a burst of flavour that made Tadashi’s eyes go wide. It was so strange, almost like some kind of kiwi-cucumber hybrid, and even the large seeds weren’t so bad. He thoughtfully chewed and swallowed, before slowly nodding his head.

“Not bad, Fred. That was actually kind of good.”

“I know, right? Probably not worth the price I paid for them, but still cool.”

Intrigued now, the rest of the cousins held out their hands for samples. Fred happily cut up the rest of his fruit, passing them around to everyone. Soon enough, the table was full of pleasantly surprised humming.

Fred caught Tadashi’s eye and grinned at him. Tadashi grinned back and gave him a thumbs up.

They all finished their horned melons just in time for dinner to be declared ready. Whooping and hollering, the cousins escaped from their picnic table to line up for food. Fred and Tadashi ended up hanging back to clean up the horned melon rinds, but that was okay. It gave Tadashi the opportunity to slip his hands around Fred’s waist and press close against his back as Fred bent across the table to grab the knife. Fred stiffened initially under his touch, but then relaxed.

“Cheryl?” he murmured over his shoulder, his eyes half lidded. He couldn’t see the rest of the family with Tadashi blocking his view, but he couldn’t be sure if they could see him.

“Yeah. I just saw her and Denise arrive, and guess where they were looking.”

“Let them look,” Fred sighed in his best impression of a 1940s film noir dame, making Tadashi snort so hard he ruffled Fred’s hair.

“Come on, I’m actually somehow hungry again, if you can believe it. Let’s grab something before all of the food is gone,” Tadashi helped Fred gather up the rest of the fruit’s remains and toss them into a nearby trash can, and then took his hand and started leading him towards the line of family members waiting to fill their plates. It didn’t even occur to him how natural it had become to link his fingers with Fred’s and squeeze gently as they took their places in line.

Everyone ended up at different tables over the course of dinner. Hiro took a seat across from Will, probably for the express purpose of continuing their on-off glaring match. And then, to his visible annoyance, Greg took the seat right next to him and started chattering in his ear. When Hiro turned to shoot a helpless look in Tadashi’s direction, he simply beamed back and saluted him. Hiro glared daggers at him.

Tadashi stuck close to Fred - or maybe Fred was the one sticking close to him. With Cheryl, Denise, and Aunt Evelyn lurking nearby, the last thing he wanted was to get caught alone by any one of them.

Especially Denise. Denise had been a little on the unpleasant side for as long as Tadashi had known her, but right now, sitting by her mother, she was absolutely seething. It was kind of scary, especially when she caught him looking at her. Tadashi could only paste on a grin and wave. Her scowl faded, and she replaced it with a look that was almost… frustrated? Uncomfortable, Tadashi could only blink owlishly at her. She frowned at him, then past him at Fred, and finally rolled her eyes and returned to poking at her food with her fork.

Well that wasn’t really encouraging.

If Fred had noticed the silent exchange, he was too busy working on a rib to show it. Tadashi dug in too, eager to put the issue out of his mind. Unfortunately, Aunt Karen had other plans.

“So,” she piped up, with the very best of intentions. “Tadashi, you never said - how did you and Fred meet?”

Beside him, Fred almost inhaled the entire rib bone in his hand. On instinct Tadashi shot a brief glance at all three of the “Triumvirate”. Denise was tense and scowling, Cheryl was casting an impressive stink-eye in Aunt Karen’s direction, and Aunt Evelyn’s left eye appeared to be twitching a little.

“Er… well…” To buy time, Tadashi hurriedly filled the silence while he glanced at Fred.

Luckily his friend had recovered from the initial alarm. He had recovered so much, in fact, that the look he gave Tadashi was utterly blase. He shrugged. “We met on the SFIT campus when we were sophomores.”

Almost immediately, relief washed over Tadashi. Of course - they didn’t have to fake anything, just tell the truth; all Aunt Karen had asked was how they had _met._

“Wait a minute, you got into SF Tech too?” Sarah goggled at Fred.

“I didn’t realize,” Tadashi heard Aunt Evelyn murmur. He tried not to enjoy the dismayed look on her face too much.

“I figured it was obvious,” Braeden said loftily.

“Um, actually-” Fred reddened slightly, looking abashed. “I’m not a student there, per se. I go to SF State. I’m the SFIT school mascot, though.” He brightened for a moment as he said it, before shrinking a little as if he immediately realized how lame that sounded.

The relief emanating from Aunt Evelyn was almost thick enough to give off visible fumes.

“What, like you dance around in an animal costume?” Greg snickered.

“There was an application process…” Fred mumbled. The slight blush on his face was quickly darkening with embarrassment.

“He might as well be a student, though,” Tadashi broke in with a bright smile. “He audits so many classes he could probably have qualified for a degree if he registered.” There was a touch of pride in his voice that he didn’t have to fake.

“But he didn’t,” Aunt Evelyn broke in pointedly.

“Evelyn!” Aunt Karen gaped at her sister-in-law, horrified. “That is _incredibly_ \- I’m so sorry, boys, please do go on. You met at SFIT?” She smiled hopefully, looking embarrassed.

“He was a friend of a friend,” Tadashi went on, latching on eagerly to his aunt’s offered lifeline. “Always showed up at the lab - he loves science. And he found me working on my project, and we got to talking. Talking turned into hanging out, and… well, the rest is history I guess.”

“Aww, nerd bonding.” Sarah smiled beatifically. Tadashi wrinkled his nose and tossed his balled-up paper napkin at her. With his other hand, he reached to the side and tapped Fred’s arm in what he hoped was a comforting way.

“Well, we’re very glad of it,” Aunt Margaret said, smiling sweetly at Fred. “I’m glad our Tadashi found a nice young man.”

“A good looking one too!” Great Aunt Lucy piped up from the end of the table, tossing Fred a saucy wink and a wave. Fred blushed and ducked his head, but the rest of the family didn’t even blink. Apparently this wasn’t unusual.

“Oh but Tadashi,” Cheryl spoke up. “That’s only half the story. How did you two start dating?” Beside her, Denise petulantly stabbed the sausage on her plate as if she hated it.

“Yeah, dude, we want gory details!” Will called out. When Tadashi turned to glare at him, he saw Hiro kick out at their cousin under the table.

“Do we _have_ to hear about this?” Denise grumbled into her plate. Tadashi shifted uneasily, caught off guard by the sudden venom in her voice.

The panic was coming back, and when he looked to Fred for help, he saw the same dread reflected back at him. How had they both forgotten this detail? A week to prepare, and it had never occurred to either of them to work out a full backstory.

“Well… um…” Could they wing it? Maybe they could just wing it. It was like a high-stakes, rapid-fire game of Round Robin. “There’s this friend of ours, and she thought-”

“It was pretty spontaneous, sort of happened naturally-” Fred began, at the exact same time.

“I mean we thought so,” Tadashi added quickly, hoping to salvage the situation. “But there was also, like, matchmaking involved-”

“We were at the movie theater,” Fred piped up, at the same time as Tadashi stammered out something about museum tickets. They glanced at each other, trying not to cringe.

“Heat of the moment?” Fred offered.

Aunt Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “Goodness, which was it? Spontaneous, or matchmaking?” Was she enjoying watching them squirm? Was that it? Tadashi schooled his face to prevent a scowl, and lovingly imagined flipping the contents of his plate straight into her face.

“Awww, they’re embarrassed!” Sarah cooed.

“Sarah, don’t tease them,” Amy scolded her quietly.

An utterly unapologetic Sarah smirked back at her. “C’mon, Ames, I haven’t had this much fun since you and Justin started dating.”

“We remember,” Justin said dryly. 

In spite of the distraction, most of the attention was still on Tadashi and Fred. Tadashi’s mouth was dry as he wracked his brain for a story on the spot. He could design a robot, build a robot, and program medical procedures into a robot, but a good and convincing liar he was not. He could blow their entire act right here, all because he’d forgotten one stupid little detail in faking a relationship. How had he missed that?

Fred’s hand closed around his wrist, startling him into glancing up. He found Fred looking steadily at him, with a calmness that Tadashi didn’t feel. He blinked, and the hand on his wrist squeezed lightly.

The message was clear enough. _Let me take this one._

With the smallest nod he could manage, Tadashi shifted back in his seat and feigned embarrassment.

“I guess it was… well, okay, I was pretty much doomed from the start,” Fred said sheepishly. The bickering had quieted down, and he fidgeted under the attention. He grinned down at his lap, eyes flicking upward briefly in the perfect picture of shyness. Tadashi was thoroughly impressed. “I mean it was really gradual, sort of snuck up on me actually, heh. That’ll teach me not to pay attention.” Chuckles rippled through the gathering, and Tadashi had to fight not to grin like an idiot. No one could work a crowd like Fred. “It started out as us just hanging out as friends, you know? Chilling in our free time, shooting the breeze, that kind of thing. But it meant I got to know him, like the real him. I got to notice stuff - the annoying stuff, the cute stuff, and uh, everything in between. I mean he’s cute, he’s crazy smart, he’s passionate about stuff-” Finally he looked up, red-faced and grinning. “So I fell in love. Can you blame me?”

Rose, Aunt Karen, and Aunt Margaret actually made soft little _awww_ noises. Hiro gagged audibly, and ducked a swat from Sarah.

Fred shrugged again. “So then one day I get a call from him asking me to come to the lab because he wants to ‘ask me something.’” He made quote marks in the air. “I freaked out, tripped over myself on the way there, he asked me to be his boyfriend, and… yeah.”

“Did you make out?” Greg asked, and the rapt tension deflated as Aunt Margaret scolded him and the older cousins burst out laughing. Aunt Evelyn looked confounded. Cheryl was fuming. Denise was pretending to pay more attention to the half-eaten chicken thigh on her plate.

Tadashi was staring down at his plate, wide-eyed and utterly speechless. His insides were fluttering like moths around a lamp. He could feel heat blooming in his face again and knew that it probably showed. His only comfort was the knowledge that his scarlet blush only made that performance all the more convincing. Not that the performance needed any help; it was already so convincing that Tadashi himself was starting to forget that these cutesy feelings weren’t real.

Damn. Fred was _good_.

+++

After putting on that little show, Fred was verging on a heart attack. 

Frankly it was a miracle that he’d managed to pull off spilling his guts and the inner workings of his stupid, stupid heart with Tadashi sitting close enough to touch. They _were_ touching - for some godawful reason, Fred had poured out his feelings without letting go of Tadashi’s wrist.

He let go, quickly.

But thanks to Greg’s outburst, the attention was off of him, and as long as it was off, he allowed himself to… well, bask a little. Was it wrong to enjoy the act this much? _Sure hope not, seeing as “enjoying the act” was the entire reason I agreed to this._ The moment his hand had closed around Tadashi’s wrist, he had shifted his entire brain to a different axis. He’d had to, for this to work.

This whole time he’d been holding up the act by lying and pretending. This was the first time he’d done it by being one hundred percent honest. Right up to the part where Tadashi had asked him to be his boyfriend. Because he had, after all - barring a few details.

So, Fred let himself revel in it. As conversation topics changed and attention shifted away, he let himself pretend, not for the first time, that this counted as confessing his feelings to Tadashi.

Tadashi only made it worse, leaning over until their shoulders touched and whispering so that Fred felt his breath against his ear. “Not gonna lie, Fred, that was awesome.”

Fred turned back to him, glowing a little at the praise, still caught in that weird headspace of make-believe. “Really?”

“Yeah really.” Tadashi pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him. He lowered his voice, careful to keep anyone else from hearing. “Creative writing classes must be paying off, huh?”

The castles in the air began to crack along their foundations. Fred blinked as he felt himself be dragged kicking and screaming out of his happy place. “Huh?”

“No seriously, I’m impressed.” Tadashi grinned, and it was way too cute a grin for the dream-collapsing words coming out of that mouth. “Do you take drama classes for GE or something? You’re a pretty good actor.”

The daydream popped like a soap bubble, dumping Fred back into the real world. He blinked a couple of times, remembered who he was and where he was, and put maybe half of his effort into smiling back. “Thanks dude, I try,” he said, and didn’t wait for Tadashi’s reply turning back to his food. His appetite was gone, but he forked mashed potatoes into his mouth anyway. He was done talking. Talking was tiring.

That night he slept marginally better than he had before, if only because he was already exhausted. Still, twice he woke up in a cold sweat, stomach churning with worries and fears that he couldn’t put names to.


	7. Can't Get Off This Ride

“Oh my god, I’m so excited you guys!” Hiro was practically bouncing in his seat. They were on the road once more, Tadashi and Fred squished into the back of the truck by virtue of Hiro calling shotgun, headed for the closest amusement park. “This is my _favourite_ part of the week. We eat way too much junk food, play games, and ride _all the rides_!”

“Hiro was finally tall enough to ride everything just last year,” Tadashi leaned over and whispered conspiringly into Fred’s ear. “You should have seen the look on his face when the ride manager finally let him onto the Roaring Dragon.”

Fred grunted in response, not having the energy to say much more. After another bad night of sleep, the third in a row, his usually limitless energy was running low. Tadashi seemed to notice, but rather than call him on it, he simply reached over and patted Fred comfortingly on the shoulder. Fred tried not to twitch.

They’d needed to leave early enough that morning that the sun hadn’t even yet risen, because it was a long drive to the park. They’d stopped for breakfast at a McDonald’s on the way, scarfing down breakfast combos and hash browns to give them energy, and then they were back on the road. The brief stop had given Hiro a chance to wake up enough to start getting excited, but for Fred the morning meal was still sitting heavily in his stomach.

He couldn’t believe he’d been such an idiot yesterday.

Tadashi hadn’t said much to him since the comment about his acting ability, and for once Fred was okay with that. It gave him a chance to just stew in his own thoughts for a while, to really figure out what the _hell_ he was doing.

Really, what the hell was he doing? He should have known that things were going to end up blowing up in his face, in fact he _had_ known. He’d known the moment that Tadashi had asked him to participate in this crazy scheme that this would all go terribly, horribly wrong, but had he actually stopped to think about it? No, he’d thrown himself head-first into this mess without ever considering what would come of it. Just like he always did when it came to Tadashi.

It was _Tadashi_ , how could he not? He’d been so head-over-heels for the other man for so long that if Tadashi had asked him to shave his head bald and tattoo a smiley face on the back of his own head he would have done it. God, he was so pathetic. He’d even somehow managed to start convincing himself that maybe he wasn’t alone in this, that maybe Tadashi wasn’t acting completely either. But then Tadashi had said what he’d said, and reality had come back to punch Fred in the face.

When this was all over and he was left with nothing but the broken pieces of his own heart, he’d have no one to blame but himself.

His brooding thoughts lasted until they arrived at the park. When he looked up and saw the gates approaching, complete with cheesy mascot characters welcoming families to the “Funnest Place on Earth!” he knew it was showtime. Even if he himself was being brought down by this whole charade, he couldn’t leave Tadashi hanging. It was Tuesday, day 4 of this mess, he only had to make it until Friday, and then he could put this whole thing behind himself. Four more days. He could do this.

Aunt Cass managed to snag a great parking spot yet again, partially due to the early hour and partially due to some crazy driving, and then once more they were piling out of the vehicle. Hiro was practically vibrating as they all stretched their tired muscles, his eyes locked on the entrance gates to the park. A few dead-eyed employees were waiting at the ticket booths for customers, although there didn’t seem to be too many people at the park yet.

“Are you ready?” Hiro practically squealed in excitement. Tadashi gave him a rueful smile and reached out to ruffle Hiro’s hair.

“You do realize that you’re going to need to find a new ride partner this year, right?” Tadashi asked. “Considering I’m going to be riding with Fred this time.”

That caused Hiro to freeze mid-jump, but then just as quickly he was back to bouncing. “I don’t care. I’ll steal Will or Sarah or someone.”

“As long as you don’t get stuck with Greg, right?” Tadashi pointed out with a smirk.

Hiro scoffed. “He’s too wimpy, he hates the roller coasters. He’ll be sticking with Amy and Vicky on the baby rides. Hmmmm, there’s a thought. You think Justin likes roller coasters?”

“You could always ask,” Aunt Cass said diplomatically, grabbing her purse out of the truck and slamming the door shut. She hit the button on her key fob to lock it, and then sighed. “Well then, let’s go meet the others. I think Uncle Henry got the group passes this year.”

They followed Aunt Cass out of the parking lot and over to a designated meeting spot. To Fred’s dread, all three members of “The Triumvirate” were standing there waiting and no one else. They saw Denise glance up as they walked over, and Fred felt Tadashi stumble in his tracks next to him.

“Oh no,” Tadashi whispered in horror.

“What?” Fred hissed back, not liking the sound of Tadashi’s tone. When Tadashi said ‘oh no’ it never boded well.

“I forgot. Every year Aunt Evelyn, Cheryl and Denise do everything in their power to make sure that Denise and I get stuck on at least one ride together. I avoid the Ferris Wheel like the plague now because of it. It’s terrible.”

“How terrible are we talking here?” Fred asked. He squinted at the gathered women suspiciously even as he pressed himself closer to Tadashi’s side. The note of fear in Tadashi’s voice was pushing away Fred’s earlier dark thoughts and replacing it with a protective instinct that startled Fred a bit. He’d never been much of a possessive person, it was hard to be when you really could have whatever you wanted just handed to you, but all of the sudden Fred just wanted to pick Tadashi up and hold him over his head while screaming “MINE” at the top of his lungs at anyone who dared get too close.

“Cheryl has shoved people out of the way to make sure that Denise is next to me in line for stuff. And I’m pretty sure Aunt Evelyn has bribed Hiro with candy before to get him away from me,” Tadashi admitted quietly.

“That’s just gross,” Fred muttered. “Don’t worry. I may be a glutton, but I can’t be bought so easily. And if anyone tries to shove me, I’ll just shove them back. I’ve got years of experience getting shoved around by sports teams while half-blinded by a mascot costume, and pointy elbows. I’ll keep you safe.”

If he didn’t know any better, Fred would swear the look Tadashi gave him was adoring. _No, bad brain_ , he mentally chastised himself. _Stop projecting onto Tadashi, you’re being as creepy as Cheryl._

That was all the time he had to think, though, because they were arriving at the meeting spot. Aunt Evelyn smiled and waved them over, nearly elbowing Cheryl in the face in the process.

“Cassie! Yoo-hoo! Over here!” She called out, as if they were trying to spot her in a large crowd instead of across a mostly-empty plaza. Cheryl gave her friend a sharp look. “There you are!”

“Hey, guys,” Aunt Cass said as they came to a stop next to the others. “I guess we made good time. How did you guys beat us though?”

“We brought snacks,” Denise answered with a shrug. “My mom and I aren’t very fond of fast food, so we didn’t bother stopping for breakfast.”

“Oh, I know, isn’t that stuff terrible?” Aunt Evelyn moaned. “Lord only knows what they put into that slop they try to pass for food. I’m sure half of it is fake, and what’s worse is the _calories_. I _never_ eat that crap if I can help it.”

“Blasphemy!” Hiro spoke up, shoving his way into the middle of their loose circle. “Those calories are _flavour_ calories. Besides, as a growing boy, I need all of the food I can get, right?”

“Oh sweetie, no. Growing boys like you need _healthy_ foods, especially because you’re still growing,” Aunt Evelyn argued in a sickly sweet voice, complete with bending over a little to look Hiro in the eye. She couldn’t have been more condescending if she’d tried, though Fred could tell from her expression that she meant well at least. She just clearly had no idea how to talk to kids.

Then, her expression soured and she glanced up at Aunt Cass. “I would hope that _someone_ is making sure you eat healthy. I mean, it’s bad enough that you live surrounded by nothing but sugary treats, I do hope you’re not _eating_ them all the time.”

Fred heard Aunt Cass actually _growl_ , but she was stopped from flinging herself at Aunt Evelyn’s throat by the timely arrival of the others. Fred exchanged a wide-eyed stare with Tadashi, realizing just how close they’d come to seeing an actual honest-to-god catfight, and then Sarah and Rose were rushing over with arms full of neon green hats.

“What the heck is this?” Fred had to ask as Rose offered him one of the hats.

“Family thing,” Tadashi explained, switching out his usual San Fransokyo Ninjas cap for the highlighter-coloured monstrosity. “It was Aunt Margaret’s idea. A few years back while we were here at the park, Greg got lost. We spent close to an hour scouring the park looking for him before one of the employees managed to find him wandering around by the petting zoo, crying. After that, Aunt Margaret looked into ways to keep him from getting lost again, and stumbled upon this idea online.”

“And what, exactly, is this idea?” Fred eyed his own hat critically before shrugging and slapping it on his head, on top of his already-present beanie. Tadashi chuckled but reached up and grabbed both hats off of Fred’s head, helping him settle the neon cap and tighten the back so that it fit him well. When he was finished, he gave Fred his beanie back, which Fred shoved into his back pocket.

“It helps us spot each other in crowds and big places like this,” Tadashi continued. “And it also makes it easy to tell we’re a group. Great for stuff like line-ups, so the employees know how many of us are together. These things are hard to miss after all.”

“Clever,” Fred had to admit. “And look, it’s green, your favourite.”

“It looks good on you,” Tadashi said with a wink, reaching up to tweak the brim. “Then again, most things look good on you.” Fred couldn’t help it, he blushed and stuttered, not expecting the compliment. He had to forcibly remind himself it was all part of the act.

“Wish I could say the same about you, Precious,” Fred joked, sticking his tongue out to show he was kidding. Tadashi playfully clutched at his own chest like he’d been stabbed, throwing in a stumble backwards for good measure.

“Et tu, Fred?”

“Oh yes, darling. Talk Shakespeare too me,” Fred swooned into Tadashi’s arms, although the other man was laughing so hard he nearly dropped him. “You know the way into my English major heart is through the classics. Go on, quote Chaucer at me next.”

“Boys, we’re heading in!”

Both immediately straightened up as they scrambled to follow the group towards the main gate, Uncle Henry passing out tickets as they moved. Fred noticed though that Cheryl and Denise were sticking awfully close behind him and Tadashi, and he made a mental note to pull out the pointy elbows sooner than later if they were needed.

They walked through the entrance gates without much trouble, passing through the bag checks and the workers with barcode scanners with only minor delays, and then they were all out into the park.

“Okay, first ride we go all together!” Uncle Henry announced. “What should we start with?”

Suggestions sailed out almost immediately, with rebuttals shooting back with just as much speed and volume.

“Sidewinder!”

“No! Sidwinder’s too intense, and Vicky can’t join us. Let’s do the swings!”

“Ugh, lame. I hate the swings! What about the teacups?”

“Pass. I’m still nauseous from _last_ year. Let’s take something slow.”

“This early in the morning? I’d rather not go right back to sleep, thank you very much.”

The group squabbled among themselves for a few moments before the noise was suddenly broken by a sharp whistle. Tadashi and Hiro, who were familiar enough with their aunt to see it coming, had both slapped their hands over their ears before the sharp noise sounded, but everyone else was left wincing in pain. But they also went quiet, which was the point. Aunt Cass hopped up onto the lip of a nearby flowerbed so that she could be seen by everyone in the family, despite her shorter stature.

Once she was sure everyone was listening, Aunt Cass gave them a tight-lipped smile. “We are going to start on the carousel,” she announced calmly, looking around at each of their faces as if daring them to argue. None of them did. “It’s large enough that we can all get on together, and calm enough that even Victoria can ride it. After that, you can do whatever you like. Sound good?”

The group murmured their agreement, not daring to talk back to a woman who could make a noise like that. Satisfied, Aunt Cass hopped down from the ledge and started leading the way towards the carousel. Fred had to admit she had the right idea. The carousel looked like it could take 40 riders easily, and with no one in line they’d all be sure to get on together.

It was an old-fashioned style carousel, painted in pastels and gold and playing the typical jingling, chiming circus music. Most of the seats were made to look like elaborately decorated horses with saddles and reins covered in plaster flowers and fake jewels, but he saw a couple of chariots and other animals. There was at least one dragon, and Fred decided then and there that he wanted to ride it.

“Dibs on the dragon,” he told Tadashi as the two of them entered the lineup area with the rest of the family. Tadashi looked over to where Fred was pointing and snorted.

“Good luck with that,” he joked. “It’s the most popular seat on the ride. You’ll have to fight Greg _and_ Hiro _and_ Will if you want it.”

“You don’t think I could take them?” Fred asked Tadashi with mock hurt.

Tadashi made a show of looking him over. “Nope,” he settled on with a grin.

Fred gasped as if Tadashi had struck him. “How _dare_ you. Is this revenge for the hat comment earlier? Because if it is, I’m pretty sure that’s disproportionate retribution.”

“More like I’ve seen them fight over it before, and it gets _nasty_ ,” Tadashi chuckled. They were slowly moving their way towards the front of the line as the ride operator let them on one by one. “Besides, if you take the dragon, I have to take the horse next to it.” He pointed meaningfully to the horse in question.

At first Fred thought that Tadashi was trying to imply there was something wrong with the horse’s design. Sure, it’s mouth was hanging open in a way he was sure the designer had meant to mimic a horse chomping at the bit, but instead looked more like the horse was deranged. But the colour was a lovely pastel blue, and its saddle was done up in really pretty sunflowers. Maybe Tadashi thought it was too girly? No, he’d totally seen Honey Lemon plop a flower crown on Tadashi’s head in the past without a flinch from him, and Tadashi had never struck him as the “no homo” type, so that couldn’t be it.

But then he spotted that there was another horse next to the blue one that was even closer than the dragon, and realized what Tadashi was trying to get at. If Fred took the dragon, Denise would definitely try to take the other horse.

Sadly, he accepted that he wouldn’t get to ride the dragon, and started looking for a different seat. He didn’t have much time though, the operator was counting off people and there were only four left in front of them.

“There’s a cat one that kind of looks like Mochi,” Tadashi offered as they were gestured forward. “Hiro and I like that one best. And the horse next to it is done up like a battle charger.”

Fred hummed consideringly, and then gestured with a hand. “Lead on then, precious.”

Grinning, Tadashi took Fred by the hand again and dragged him around the carousel, trying to snag their chosen seats before someone else did. Luckily for them, Hiro was too busy fighting Greg for the dragon to see Tadashi sneak up and grab the cat-shaped seat. Sure enough, it had been painted like a calico cat, with a thick red collar covered in jingle bells around its neck acting as the reins. Fred own ‘steed’ was painted black and designed to look like it was wearing armour. He had to admit, compared to the rest of the seats, it looked kind of cool. And the best part was that the two seats were the only ones next to each other.

“Nice,” Tadashi grinned at him as they both settled into place. Fred spotted Denise grabbing a horse behind them, but thankfully her mother seemed satisfied to take a chariot with Aunt Evelyn. They were all far enough away that he thought they could relax for a moment.

Apparently Tadashi didn’t think that, though, because as the ride operator shut the gate for new riders and started up the usual safety schpiel, he held out a hand in Fred’s direction. Fred blinked at him in mild surprise, not sure what Tadashi was going for. The other man helpfully wiggled his fingers.

“Please?” he asked hopefully. “I’m sure it’ll look really cute.”

Fred was momentarily struck dumb. Why was Tadashi doing this? There was no need, they’d already held hands when they went looking for their seats and had chosen spots right next to each other. Wasn’t this a bit excessive?

But how could he not? Especially when Tadashi was looking at him like that from underneath thick lashes. He just looked so hopeful that Fred could do nothing but hold out his own hand until their fingers laced together and locked in the middle.

The ride started with a creak and a groan, slowly starting to turn. Fred grabbed ahold of the pole sticking out of his horse’s back for balance, but he wasn’t paying much attention to the ride anymore. As cliche as it sounded, he was trapped in Tadashi’s eyes.

Tadashi himself hadn’t looked away either. His eyes had locked with Fred’s, and they weren’t looking away, even as their mounts started moving up and down with the carousel’s gears and causing their arms to stretch to keep their hands together. He started laughing a little, a bright, gentle laughter that Fred could barely hear over the carousel music, but it still made Fred feel all warm and fuzzy on the insides. It was a shy kind of laughter, not loud or boisterous, just really happy.

 _Oh my god,_ Fred groaned to himself, even as he continued to watch Tadashi watching him. _If I wasn’t screwed already, I’d be_ really _screwed now._

Somehow he made it through the ride without either fainting or grossing Tadashi out with how sweaty his hand got. When the ride finally slowed to a halt, Fred needed an extra split second to remember to let go. They left the ride shoulder to shoulder, grinning like they were sharing their own private joke. Which, technically, they kind of were.

The family was gathered by the side of the carousel, in a cluster of neon-green hats. Still shaking off his daze, Fred stuck close to Tadashi’s side and allowed himself to be led over. Cass was addressing the family again, something about the buddy system and synchronizing watches and keeping an eye on the youngsters, but Fred never had the chance to tune in. By the time his head was back in the game, it was just in time to notice that Tadashi’s other side was now occupied.

By Denise.

Fred tried not to openly gape. Just beyond her, he could see Cheryl watching them like a hawk, while pretending to pay attention to what Cass was saying. She absolutely sucked at pretending. D-minus performance, if Fred was any judge. The drama professor at SF State would be thoroughly disappointed in the attempt.

In the meantime, Tadashi was very carefully edging away from Denise. Fred shifted to give him room, and leaned forward to catch Denise’s eye and fix her with what he desperately hoped was one of those penetrating laser-glares that could paralyze the faint of heart.

Instead of going pale and awkwardly shuffling away like Fred hoped, Denise glanced at him and cocked an eyebrow. “‘Sup.” She turned to glance at Tadashi. “Wanna ride something together?”

 _I need to buy popcorn,_ Fred thought absently. _I need to buy a large bag of greasy, buttery popcorn for the express purpose of throwing it at her._

“Um…” Tadashi’s jaw shifted as he clenched his teeth uncomfortably. “Wow, Denise, that sounds really great and all but I was hoping to spend today riding with Fred.” (Fred tried not to choke on the air he was breathing.) “You know. My boyfriend. You’ve met him?”

Cheryl swooped in - again, like a hawk - and tut-tutted disapprovingly. “Goodness, Tadashi, is that really how you treat a girl, turning her down when she extends you an invitation?”

“When I’m dating someone else at the time, yes, I make it a point to,” Tadashi answered.

Cheryl spluttered indignantly. “And what’s this about spending the day only with him? I thought this was a _family_ affair.”

The setup could not have been more perfect, and Fred tried not to enjoy himself too much when he leaned forward and piped up, “Well geez, then what’re _you_ doing here?”

This time, Cheryl did go a little pale with indignation, and Fred took the opportunity to link arms with Tadashi and pull him farther away. When he looked back, Denise and her mother appeared to be deep in discussion. He sighed with relief at the reprieve.

“Tough break,” someone murmured nearby. Fred glanced up, blinking in surprise, to find Sarah looking at him with obvious sympathy.

“Tell me about it,” Tadashi muttered.

Rose sidled closer. “I can’t believe they’re still at it,” she said under her breath. “It was tasteless enough before, but now they’re doing it in front of your boyfriend and everything!”

Relief bloomed in Fred’s chest, and he went a little limp against Tadashi. The rest of the relatives had been absolutely wonderful, but he’d been under the impression that, aside from that, he and Tadashi were utterly alone against the Triumvirate. But from the sound of it, they might actually have allies - even if they weren’t necessarily in the know, the way Hiro and Cass were. “They can’t take a hint.” He gave a world-weary sigh, and was rewarded by the sisters’ sympathetic looks.

“Oh, they’re seeing your hints,” Sarah said dryly. “You’d have to be an idiot not to. They’re just _ignoring_ them.”

“I’d talk to Denise, but she’s always either glued to her mom or asleep whenever I see her,” Rose said. “When she’s not, y’know… talking to you.”

The hushed discussion drew the attention of a few of the other cousins. “It’s kind of funny now.” Will left off his conversation with Braeden to smirk. “I mean it was pretty painful to watch before. But now they just look desperate, so it’s gone back around to funny.”

“It’s like my dad says,” Braeden snickered. “Other people’s karma is a spectator sport.”

Fred almost jumped when Tadashi’s hand closed around his wrist. “It’d be great if we could slip out,” Tadashi muttered back to them. “If you guys could cover for us, that’d be great.”

“Oho _ho_.” Sarah waggled her eyebrows at them until Fred reddened furiously and Rose elbowed her.

“We got you,” Braeden muttered. “Don’t even worry about- oh crap, Aunt Cass is done talking.” Immediately he waded through the crowd of relatives. “Yo Denise! Wanna ride the Ferris Wheel with me?” Cheryl, to Fred’s eternal glee, looked half horrified and half irritated at the proposal, even more so when Braeden reached them. Denise’s poker face was impressive.

Giggling, Sarah shouldered her way to Braeden’s side to elbow him playfully in the ribs. “Braeden, c’mon, leave her alone. So Denise, I hear this place has some new rides up.”

Denise raised an eyebrow at her, looking faintly intrigued. “Really, now? Do tell.”

Quickly Rose and Will politely shoved their way into the middle of things as well, not engaging either Cheryl or Denise, but carefully blocking both from seeing Tadashi or Fred. “Take advantage of the crowd,” Rose hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

“Yeah yeah go make out or whatever,” Will added, and ignored the swat from his older sister.

“You’re all awesome,” Fred muttered back, and together he and Tadashi fled the family. He shot a quick glance over his shoulder and nearly tripped when he saw Cheryl staring after them. “Hocrap. Hats. Tadashi take off the stupid hat.” He ripped his own off, and Tadashi followed suit as they made their escape.

They spent a full five minutes running, snickering, and weaving through the other park guests before they finally paused and looked around. “Did we lose them?” Tadashi was slightly out of breath, both from running and from laughing.

Fred scanned the loose crowd around them, searching for either Denise’s dark hair or Cheryl’s sandy blonde. He shaded his eyes, squinted, almost panicked when he thought he saw them, and finally stepped back and let his hand drop. “I think we lost ‘em.” He did another scan of the area, just to double check, before realizing that Tadashi was talking to him. “Huh, what? Sorry, could you repeat that?”

“I said, as long as we stay ahead of them, we can pretty much relax,” Tadashi said. “Drop the act, you know? Just… hang out at a theme park.”

“That…” Fred hesitated, the smile faltering on his face. After the carousel, and Tadashi blushing and grinning as he held his hand, the thought wasn’t as relaxing as it could have been. “...sounds awesome. What should we go on first?”

“There’s a pretty sweet wooden roller coaster in the middle of the park,” Tadashi told him, tugging him along again. “Kind of a ways to go, but it lets us put more distance between us and them.” He flashed a quick grin that made Fred’s heart flutter. “Also, if you see any stuffed animal prizes you like, tell me so I can win one for you.”

“Sure.” Fred blinked. “Wait… what?” Hadn’t he just said they’d drop the act and just hang out?

“I mean it’d be expected, right?” Tadashi went on. “They might think one of us is slacking if we don’t win prizes for each other.”

“O-oh. Right!” Fred grabbed onto the lifeline gratefully and let Tadashi unwittingly haul him back into the real world. “But, y’know, I can always just win prizes for myself and tell them you did it. Nobody would know.”

“ _I’d_ know,” Tadashi said loftily.

Fred laughed - at least he hoped it sounded like a proper laugh and not, like, a dumb giggle or something. “I mean seriously, you don’t have to go _that_ far, it’s cool.”

Tadashi quirked an eyebrow at him. “You think I can’t knock over a milk bottle pyramid with three bean bags?”

“Uh.” There he went back into the confusion again. “Well, let’s hash that out later, I guess. First stop, roller coaster.”

Really though, he thought as he followed Tadashi deeper into the park. It wasn’t like he’d _mind_ if Tadashi won him a teddy bear or three.

They went on the roller coaster that Tadashi pointed out, and then three more besides. As the day went on, they made their way through the park more or less undisturbed. Every now and then Fred would look around for a neon green hat, but the two of them were apparently doing an excellent job of keeping away from the rest of the gathering, and Cheryl and Denise in particular. At one point Fred pointed half-jokingly at the theme park’s “Tunnel of Love” ride, and ignored his own disappointment when Tadashi laughed him off. One break for a delicious lunch of funnel cake, and the two blazed through another roller coaster, a tilt-a-whirl, a free-fall tower, the Gravitron, and the swinging pirate ship. The petting zoo, oddly enough, took almost two more hours over their time before they finally took another break - this time to blow their money on snacks and carnival games in the Midway and, apparently, make good on promises.

“Do it, do it!” Fred tried not to jostle Tadashi by accident in the process of vibrating with excitement. “Two out of three, man, don’t blow it now!”

“I’m gonna do it,” Tadashi hissed back, making one more practice pass with the baseball in his hand. “These carnival games are all rigged as hell, I’m gonna do the best I can, okay?” The woman running the game gave him a withering look. Finally Tadashi made the shot. The baseball struck home, and the pyramid of bottles went tumbling to the ground. Fred had to dodge backward to keep from getting elbowed when Tadashi fistpumped in triumph. “Yesss!”

“Congratulations.” The smile was back on the woman’s face. “Which prize would you like?”

“Fred which prize do you want,” Tadashi muttered.

Fred gave the rack of plushies a cursory glance, but his choice was obvious. “The lizard thingy.”

“I’ll take the lizard thingy,” Tadashi answered, and accepted a brightly-colored stuffed reptile. He passed it over to Fred, who eagerly accepted it and squeezed it in a hug. To his surprise and delight, the plush squeaked.

“This is the greatest gift of all,” he whispered reverently as they walked away from the booth. “Thanks, Tadashi.”

“Oh, I got an idea.” Tadashi paused, pulled his crumpled-up neon green hat out of his pocket, and stuffed it on over the lizard’s head before tightening the strap at the back so that it sat more securely. “There. Now you can find it in a crowd.”

“Wonder if Cheryl and Denise are still wearing their hats,” Fred mused. “Or if they saw us take ours off so they decided to even the odds.”

“Good for them either way,” Tadashi scoffed. “I’m… pretty much fine at this point.”

Fred blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Well look, it’s…” Tadashi checked his watch. “Geez, it’s almost six, and we’ve gone on almost all the best stuff - could’ve gone on more if it weren’t for these lines. We’ve done like fifty things. He paused. “Fifty things and a lizard.”

Fred made a point of hugging the lizard in question, eliciting another squeak. “I will never lose it ever and I will treasure it to my dying day and bequeath it to my firstborn.”

Tadashi had been about to speak more, but a laughing fit seemed to sneak up on him. Glowing with pride, Fred laughed with him and beaned him lightly on the head with the lizard’s tail. That, of course, only extended Tadashi’s laughter, until Fred was inwardly squirming with joy. Any day that he could make Tadashi laugh was a good day. And he’d been making Tadashi laugh a lot lately.

“A-anyway,” Tadashi went on, wiping his eyes. “It’s just… it’s been a great day already, and except for the beginning it hasn’t involved me dodging those two.” He shrugged. “I know this is technically a family thing but it’s nice to spend the day here with someone who doesn’t drive me crazy. Or someone who at least does it in the fun way.”

“...Oh.” Fred could feel the blush creeping up his face again.

“Yeah. At this point not even Cheryl and Denise can ruin today for me.” Tadashi turned that bright, bright smile to Fred again, and it was like basking in the sun. “I know I’ve been repeating myself a lot, but thanks, Fred. You’ve made this way more bearable than it usually is just by being he-”

Fred kissed him.

He almost dropped the lizard because he let go with one hand to curl his fingers gently in Tadashi’s jacket. There was no thought process that led to it, no conscious decision; he just stepped closer, leaned in, and pressed his mouth to Tadashi’s like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was a heady feeling, or an entire bundle of heady feelings, from too many senses going off at once - Tadashi’s lips slightly chapped, the smell of sunscreen, the salty-sweet of popcorn and cotton candy sugar, and the sudden rush of _oh shit, oh shit what was he doing._

He pulled back, frantically suppressing a hysterical giggle for all he was worth. “Whoops! Sorry about that, false alarm, I thought I saw Cheryl but turns out no. Wrong blonde! Silly me.”

Tadashi stared dizzily at him, looking faintly punch-drunk. “Ebbuh?”

 _Oh God I broke him._ “I’m really really sorry, dude, I should’ve warned you, that wasn’t very cool of me,” he babbled. “Are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up?”

HIs friend blinked at him, seemed to focus, and raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t holding up any fingers.”

“Oh thank God you’re all right.” Fred dithered for a moment, grasping desperately for a way to wrestle attention to something else. “Oh! Hey! I have an idea, dude you’re gonna love this.” He smiled as widely as his mouth would go. “I mean maybe it’s a little bit early for it but hey the sun’s going down and like you said, we’re at kind of a high point, am I right? Why wait around for a certain two someones I won’t name to wander over and bring it back down, you know? C’mon, c’mon, let’s see if we can beat the lines.”

His heart pounded out like a war drum as he tucked the lizard under his arm and led Tadashi back along the path again. Tadashi trailed behind him, hurrying a little to keep up, and Fred was thoroughly glad of that fact, because it kept him from seeing Fred’s very luminous blush.

He’d had one job. ONE JOB. Don’t make it weird. They were having a good day and that was the only thing he’d needed to do.

_Welp, failed step one._

* * *

Tadashi was glad he was following Fred, because it gave him the chance to imagine slamming his head into a hard surface.

What had he been _doing_ all day? First the carousel, then everything he’d said about the carnival games, and now…

Now he wasn’t sure what was going on in his head. He felt like all of the cotton candy he’d been eating today had somehow wound up inside his brain instead of in his stomach, and now butterflies were taking up the empty space. He hadn’t felt this nervous around another person since he was showing off his Baymax prototype to Professor Callaghan and the other SFIT judges during the showcase all those years ago, but back then his very future had been hanging in the balance. Why was he so nervous now? It had just been a kiss, and not even the most romantic one he’d ever had. But something about it had made him feel like he’d short-circuited a bit, and now his heart was beating rapidly in his chest.

It only got worse as he looked up and realized exactly where Fred was leading him. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped open.

“The ferris wheel? Really?” he asked, glancing down at Fred in disbelief - and a little bit of awe, if he was being perfectly honest with himself.

Fred’s gleeful expression faltered for a moment, losing the excited gleam as he ducked his head towards his stuffed lizard. “I just figured,” he confessed slowly, “you said that Denise and Cheryl had kind of made it impossible for you to ride the ferris wheel, but hey. They’re not here right now. So why not take the opportunity while we can, right?”

Tadashi looked back up at the giant wheel that served as the centerpiece of the whole park. He knew from previous visits, before Denise had been such a problem, that you could see the entire park and landscape from up at the top, and on clear days you could even see a glimmer of the ocean in the distance. It had never been his favourite ride, but being unable to go on it as he pleased made him long for the opportunity.

But looking at the string of couples waiting in line ahead of them to hop into the tiny pods that fit two people only when squished together, Tadashi couldn’t help but think of another reason why he might have wanted to go.

“Fred, that’s so…” _romantic, private, wonderful_ “...perfect,” Tadashi settled on. He wondered if the heat in his cheeks was actually visible as a blush. It probably was, his skin always showed blushes right up to his ears. “What a perfect last ride. We can go up to the top and see all the rides we went on, and you can pick out which ones we should try next time.”

Fred looked up from his lizard with a hopeful expression. “Next time?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” Tadashi said as they took their place at the back of the line. “I’ve had a blast with you these past few days. No matter what, you _definitely_ have to come back next year for the family reunion. Who knows, maybe we won’t have to pretend to be dating anymore.”

“W-wait, what?”

“Yeah,” Tadashi said with a shrug. “We can just hang out and go on the rides without all the acting and hand-holding and stuff.”

“Oh...right,” Fred said a bit slowly after a moment. Then he seemed to brighten, although he was clutching his lizard awfully tightly. “Yeah, man. Next year we’ll go full ride warrior, we’ll paint our faces and everything. In fact, we could head out to another theme park later, no need to wait until next year. There’s one park I know of that’s like three hours out of San Fransokyo that basically does the best Halloween shows ever. And you get a discount on admission fees if you show up in costume! We should totally do that this year!”

Tadashi gave Fred a bright smile. “Actually, that sounds like a lot of fun! We should get the others to go with us too, I bet GoGo would love it!”

For a moment, Fred seemed to deflate a bit again. But then he was perking up, giving Tadashi a tired smile that held a fraction of his usual cheer and left Tadashi feeling strangely guilty even though he had no idea what he could have done wrong.

“Yeah,” Fred agreed softly. “I bet she would.”

Confused, but uncertain how to fix his friend’s sudden low mood, Tadashi tried to keep the conversation going with small talk about movies that were coming out that both of them wanted to see. He managed to keep Fred talking, and even got the other man into a heated discussion about whether or not the new Jurassic Park movie could _possibly_ live up to the original after the disaster that had been the sequels (Fred’s opinion; no way in hell. Tadashi opted for the more “wait and see” approach), but even still Tadashi felt that strange guilt nag him at the back of his mind. He’d upset Fred somehow, and for some reason that left him feeling all upset and angry too.

Although the line was relatively long, there were enough cars on the ferris wheel to keep it moving steadily, and after about twenty minutes it was their turn. Tadashi gestured Fred forward first, letting Fred hop into the shaky car and settle on the seat before climbing in himself. Fred had decided to keep his stuffed lizard with him for the ride, and with the plush taking up the seat across from Fred, it left Tadashi squishing up against Fred’s side.

He tried to reach across to maybe move the toy aside or something, but the moment Tadashi sat down, the ride operator slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. A second later the wheel creaked to life, adjusting to let the next couple onto the car behind them, forcing Tadashi to remain seated where he was for the rest of the ride.

They were left hanging there for a minute or so while the rest of the ride was loaded. Oddly enough, their earlier casual conversation was gone, leaving a strange awkward silence in its wake that Tadashi didn’t know how to break. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to look over at Fred, his eyes trained directly to his side, staring out at the park below even though they weren’t that high yet. It was suddenly very hot and stuffy in the car, even though there was plenty of open space between the bars of the car’s cage.

After a few minutes that felt like a small eternity, the ferris wheel started to turn, the ride kicking into motion with a creak of old gears and a slight jolt. It was enough to knock Tadashi over a bit, further into Fred’s space. Even though they had already been touching at the hips due to the cramped space, now they were pressed from knee to shoulder, and Tadashi’s hand had fallen into Fred’s lap. There was a moment where they both looked at each other, a little surprised, and then Tadashi was jerking his hand back as if he’d been burned. Still, they shared a quiet, nervous giggle.

As the wheel rose upward, Tadashi couldn’t help but mentally berate himself. What had gotten _in_ to him today? First the hand-holding on the carousel, then his reaction to the kiss - which had only been a ruse because Fred thought he’d seen Cheryl! And now this! God, Hamada, get a _grip_ , it’s only the ferris wheel, and it’s only _Fred_. You’d think he was on a date or something, the way he’d been acting all twitterpated and -

Oh god.

Oh _god_.

If he’d been alone, he would have screamed. Or cried. Or maybe swooned a little. He _definitely_ would have been hyperventilating. Because he finally understood why he’d been feeling so strange around Fred all day. Why he’d technically been feeling so strange around Fred since this whole thing began. Oh god, he was so screwed.

He liked Fred. No, like wasn’t quite strong enough. He _like_ liked Fred. Maybe even…

No. Oh hell no. It was bad enough that he was just realizing that he maybe, sort of, possibly had feelings for Fred, he _refused_ to start analyzing exactly how deep those feelings were. Because then he might _actually_ scream, and then Fred would definitely know something was up and then he’d have to explain himself, and then Fred would _know_ and Tadashi _himself_ barely knew, and what if Fred thought this had all been some sort of elaborate prank, or _worse_ what if he thought Tadashi was being creepy and tricking him into dating…

“Tadashi? You okay man?” Fred suddenly piped up, nearly startling Tadashi out of his skin.

He yelped, and tried to hop out of his seat, even though there was nowhere for him to go in the tiny car. The little jump sent the car creaking for a moment, making them both freeze in place while they waited for it to settle, before finally coming to a stop.

“Geez! Sorry man! Didn’t mean to scare you!” Fred apologized quickly. “It’s just that we’re almost at the top and you looked a little zoned out. Didn’t want you to miss the best part, right?”

Tadashi resisted the urge to clutch at his chest like an old scandalized woman, though the temptation was strong. Instead he gave Fred a tight smile, hoping it looked at least somewhat natural. “Yeah, you’re right. I was spacing out a bit. Thanks for knocking me out of it.”

And Fred was right, they were just coming up to the very top. Even though his mind was an absolute whirlwind at the moment, Tadashi couldn’t help but pause his thoughts to take in the gorgeous view. The sun was just setting in the distance, painting the world in rich golds and heavy shadows. The park’s lights were just beginning to come on, the rides below becoming whirling flashing lights and neon lines in motion. Beyond the park the streets were long trails of red taillights and white headlights as commuters struggled to get home all at once, and far in the distance Tadashi could see the ocean sparkling like a band of silver stretched out across the horizon.

It was beautiful, and almost without thought Tadashi reached down and laced his fingers with Fred’s. It just felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.

But pressed this close together, Tadashi couldn’t help but feel the infinitesimal stiffening of Fred’s shoulder pressed against his own, and it felt like ice cold water being dumped down his spine. All at once reality crashed back into him, and the soft romance of the ferris wheel’s beautiful view was shattered. He remembered that this was all just an act, and with no one around to convince, he had no excuse for being so affectionate.

He pulled his hand free from Fred’s reluctantly, already trying to think of an excuse for his actions. But Fred didn’t ask. Tadashi felt Fred’s shoulders sink back down, as if he was relieved, and felt his heart drop into his stomach as a result. It finally occurred to him how uncomfortable this whole charade must have been making Fred feel. Every time they touched, every time they held hands, or kissed, or did any of that, Fred was forcing himself to do something he didn’t want to for Tadashi’s sake.

And now Tadashi had gone and developed _feelings_ for Fred? He was officially the worst friend ever. He felt like absolute scum.

The rest of the ride passed in awkward silence, and when they finally came back to the bottom Tadashi practically leapt out of the car, much to the operator’s surprise. He made some shaky excuse about claustrophobia, and then quickly made his way down the exit line, his thoughts whirling in his mind. He was only faintly aware that Fred was following silently behind him, head bowed and face pressed against his stuffed lizard.

All the while Tadashi couldn’t stop thinking to himself; the reunion was still another three days. How the hell was he supposed to survive this? How the hell were _they_ going to survive this?!

If Tadashi had been paying any closer attention, he might have noticed that Fred was pressing his face into his lizard to hide a few tears that had managed to squeak out despite his best efforts. But he wasn’t, and Fred was allowed to quietly cry in peace.

The family met back at the front gate of the park, clustering to do head-counts and triple-check that everyone was accounted for. Greg was wearing the listless expression of a child who had only recently recovered from throwing up, and was trailing wearily after his mother. Aunt Margaret, for her part, looked tired but patient. Tadashi glanced around at the rest of his relatives and found most of them tired but happy. Even Aunt Evelyn was beaming, though it looked a little pasted on. Cheryl, on the other hand, was frowning irritably at nothing in particular, and Denise was too poker-faced to tell what she was thinking.

And as for Hiro… well, he must have weaseled out of getting buddied up with Greg, because he looked pleased. Smug, almost. Tadashi might have been curious if he hadn’t been busy still thoroughly kicking himself for being an idiot. And he had a feeling he’d be doing that for a while.

Not even leaving the park helped much; both Fred and Hiro were oddly quiet for the rest of the evening, which left Tadashi to chat wearily with Aunt Cass on the ride back. If she thought anything about his mood, she didn’t say anything.

Squashed up next to Fred, Tadashi longed for the week to be over.


	8. Getting Burned

The previous nights of poor sleep finally piled up, and Fred was asleep from the moment his head hit the pillow to the moment Hiro threw a pillow onto the bed the following morning, Tadashi’s presence be damned. For a split second after he woke up, his brain was gloriously quiet and free.

Then, of course, Tadashi stirred next to him, and a total recall of the previous day’s events made Fred roll away from him with a groan.

The entire day had been a series of terrible decisions, as far as he was concerned. He shouldn’t have held Tadashi’s hand on the carousel. He shouldn’t have fussed so much over that lizard. He shouldn’t have kissed him like that. He shouldn’t have suggested that stupid ferris wheel.

In fact, why stop there? He shouldn’t have agreed to come to this reunion at all.

Almost immediately he regretted the thought. Tadashi needed his help, and he was going to keep needing his help until this was over. Forget “getting it out of his system,” wasn’t _that_ the bigger reason why he was there? Whatever else Tadashi was to him, they were friends, and this was a favor for a friend.

_Keep it together,_ Fred reminded himself as he scrambled up off the bed again. _It’s Day Five. You’re past the halfway point._

He was hungry, but he’d made it through the night much better than he had in the past couple of days. A quick dunk of his head under the bathroom faucet woke him up completely - nothing like cold water to clear his head. In a few minutes he’d composed himself and felt marginally more ready to face Tadashi again and wander downstairs for breakfast.

They had slept in late, as it turned out. Most of the relatives were already up and about, and spread throughout the lower floor. Breakfast was an informal affair this morning; rather than sitting down at the dining table, everyone was taking their plates into other rooms to chat while they ate. Uncle Bruno, and Uncle Henry, and Justin were conversing by the TV while Great Aunt Lucy dozed in an armchair. Aunt Cass and Aunt Karen were eating and chatting with Amy and Rose in the library. The younger cousins were still asleep. Donald was nowhere to be found, but Fred was beginning to understand that that was nothing new.

Cheryl and Evelyn passed them in the kitchen, and Fred could _feel_ them zero in on him. “Fred, dear, why is your hair wet?” Evelyn asked. “Did you miss when you were brushing your teeth this morning?” Her tone was light-hearted and joking, and from anyone else Fred would have laughed it off or carried the joke further. From Evelyn, it grated on him.

“I don’t brush my teeth in the morning.” It slipped out before he could think of a better comeback, or realize that he’d just gift-wrapped her a perfect opening to attack.

“Oh now that’s a shame.” Evelyn tutted, wrinkling her nose lightly. “You really ought to. Don’t you, Tadashi?”

Tadashi continued filling a mug with coffee and offered a noncommittal grunt.

“Because it’s healthy, of course,” Cheryl added with a light chuckle. “That’s something I’ve always taught my daughter - good hygiene. It means more than you’d think. That’s the first step to earning respect: taking pride in your appearance. No one ever got anywhere by being slovenly.”

Fred strongly considered describing his underwear habits to them in minute detail, and decided he honestly didn’t care enough about the conversation to prolong it. “Uh-huh.” He promptly ignored her and turned to Tadashi. “I’ll follow you, precious.” 

“Do you have to?” Cheryl asked. “You two ought to separate once in awhile, you know. Instead of sticking together and hiding away. People might talk.” Fred felt the hairs on his neck stand up.

“Right!” Evelyn agreed. “Mingle a little. We’re all very interested in getting to know you, Fred. Do you know, just yesterday I heard Sarah saying she thought you were so funny.”

_Is she serious?_

To Fred’s astonishment, Tadashi waggled his eyebrows at him. “They’re right, y’know - do you _have_ to follow me all the time? Let’s switch. I’ve been missing that gorgeous view.”

Fred almost choked on the air he was breathing. The scandalized looks on both women’s faces were immensely satisfying, but not quite satisfying enough to save Fred from dissolving into a spluttering mess. Laughing lightly, Tadashi linked his free arm with Fred’s, pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, and led him off.

“Just teasing, Freddie,” he went on, giving Fred a second almost-heart-attack. “C’mon, let’s go eat.” Red-faced, flustered, and feeling extremely pleased in spite of himself, Fred grinned and let himself be led along.

Fred was just resisting the urge to do something embarrassing like skip or snuggle when they rounded the corner and Tadashi dropped his arm like a hot potato and scooted away. Startled, Fred almost stumbled and tipped his plate. It took a moment for him to recover his balance. “Library,” Tadashi said nonchalantly, as if the entire past ten seconds hadn’t happened. “Normally I’d say living room, but they’re all still asleep in there.”

Slightly dazed, Fred followed him and tried to straighten out his thoughts again. Four days in, and he kept having weird moments where he forgot it wasn’t real. Tadashi’s acting was not helping in that regard - not that it was his fault, of course. It was just part of the show, and it was hardly Tadashi’s fault if he was having trouble remembering that.

The library wasn’t a bad choice. Cass was there, Karen was a much more likable aunt than Evelyn, and Amy and Rose were nice. Fred split his attention between eating and listening to what the ladies were talking about - mostly funny stories. Karen had them all in stitches by recounting an incident involving her husband Henry and a Bugs Bunny face character at Six Flags.

“-and I haven’t seen him run that fast since!” she was saying, pitching her voice above the laughter. “And it was so hot that day - I thought he was going to collapse, if the guy in the bunny suit didn’t do it first!”

“I still can’t believe it!” Amy giggled. “What did Dad _think_ was going to happen? You can’t do that to Bugs Bunny, that’s like the one face character that could actually get back at you _and_ stay in character at the same time!”

Fred had to put his plate aside so he wouldn’t drop scrambled eggs when he laughed. His mood was just lightening again when Evelyn came strolling in with Cheryl at her heels. For a moment he imagined what it might look like if a flung bacon strip flopped over Cheryl’s face and left grease tracks as it slowly slid down her face. It was mean but cathartic, as mental images went.

“Morning everyone,” Evelyn chirped. “Enjoying the library?”

“Morning, Evelyn,” Karen answered. “And ohh, I love this library. Every time I come here I imagine having this library, but at the same time it seems like it would be such a pain to dust.”

“Oh, we hire someone to come in once a week and do the whole house,” Evelyn said airily. “It’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Easier to keep clean without kids, must be,” Karen remarked. Fred glanced at Evelyn and blinked. If he didn’t know better, he would have sworn she looked almost offended.

“Yes, well…” Evelyn seemed to shake herself. “Pros and cons, I suppose. And, it’s always better if one takes pride in… appearances.” For a split second she met Fred’s eyes. “I think it shows confidence, you know? Especially when entertaining guests.”

“Dress to impress, I always say,” Cheryl added with a chuckle, as if she’d said something incredibly clever. “Whether it’s your house or yourself. Who wants to look like they just rolled out of bed?” Okay, she was definitely looking at Fred when she said that. Fred set his teeth in a bacon strip and ripped it in half with a touch more force than was necessary.

“Easy to say when you have someone do it for you, though,” Karen said lightly. “At least you must have a lot of time on your hands.”

“I try to keep busy,” Evelyn said. “I’m very proud of this library, you know. Have I shown you my first editions?”

“A few times, yes,” Cass piped up. “Do you have any new ones?”

“No, but - oh! There was something I wanted to show you!” Excitedly, Evelyn beckoned to them and led them all to another part of the library. “It’s absolutely beautiful, and I just love what it does with the mood of the room.”

_This ought to be good,_ Fred thought idly as he followed the others. He sneaked a look at Tadashi’s face, and took comfort in the fact that his friend was sharing his utter lack of enthusiasm. He was about to step closer to say something when Cheryl nudged her way between them with a “So Tadashi, how’s school? Tell me _all_ about it.”

Fred averted his head to hide the irritation that was showing on his face. He was letting Cheryl get to him, and if he wasn’t careful, she’d realize that, and she’d probably take advantage of it and get worse. He glanced at Tadashi and saw the reluctance on his face as he explained his projects to her, and the annoyance turned a touch protective.

Evelyn was speaking again, which pulled his attention back to her. “I got this at an auction, isn’t it lovely?” She was gesturing to a framed painting hanging on the wall, of a sunset at sea. Warm, bright shades of orange and red contrasted with darker blues and indigos, and the swirling colors and images were faded together and blurred while still being recognizable for what they were. It was very modern-looking and pretty, and… well, that was all that Fred could say about it. He was an English major, not an art student. Fred edged closer as Evelyn continued to talk. “Bergfalk. He’s a somewhat obscure painter from the Netherlands - you know, all the way up in Scandinavia - but I hear he’s done landscapes and things that are very sought-after by art collectors. I spoke with one at the auction, and he told me all about it. I - Fred, please don’t touch it.”

Fred had not been about to touch it; he had been leaning in and squinting at one of the bottom corners. “Huh?”

“Did you know that too much moisture can be bad for paintings?” Cheryl piped up, finally freeing Tadashi from their conversation. “Evelyn, maybe you ought to put glass over it. Protect it, you know. Especially if you’re going to be showing it around. Not every guest is considerate.”

“Oh, you’re right, Cheryl.” Evelyn tsked and lightly pressed Fred back a few steps. “I did put down eighteen thousand on it.”

At that moment, Evelyn’s light manhandling broke the metaphorical camel’s back. Fred’s patience for the morning ran out, and he planted his feet to keep her from shooing him any further. Crossing his arms, he shook his head pityingly. “Eighteen thousand?” he echoed. “Oh, hun, you got robbed.”

Evelyn’s head whipped around to stare at him, shocked. “Excuse me?”

“Okay, I don’t know if this Bergfalk guy is a thing,” Fred began with a shrug. “Like maybe he is, I don’t know art stuff off the top of my head-”

“Then you really shouldn’t interrupt,” Cheryl griped.

“But… that’s from Canvas Classic Printing.” Fred pointed. “They do painting reproductions for fancy-schmance homes and stuff. There’s like a stamp. Right there, bottom left.”

“Oh hey, there is,” Rose confirmed, leaning in to check. “Good eye, Fred.”

“I mean the frame’s nice,” Fred went on, feeling a little bad for enjoying the growing horror on Evelyn’s face. “Looks like silver. So like, if that came with it, maybe you got some of your money’s worth.”

“I bought it separately…” Evelyn murmured, then shook itself. “I mean - you must be mistaken. I have been going to the West Acres auction house for the past several years and-”

“Sheesh, no wonder you got stiffed,” Fred blurted. “You should Google that place sometime - people call it ‘Worst Acres’ for a _reason_. I mean...” He cleared his throat awkwardly, realizing that he was pushing it a bit far. Maybe now was the time to start backtracking. “I’m sorry this happened to you. Maybe you could sue or something?”

“Excuse me, everyone.” Evelyn put on a smile again. “I believe I have some phone calls to make.” Hurriedly she swept back out of the room. Cheryl gave Fred an ugly look before following her.

“Oh dear,” Karen said fretfully. “Couldn’t you have broken it to her a bit more gently?”

Abruptly Fred remembered where he was, and a belated bundle of shame hit him in the gut like a fastball. “Um… sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“No harm done,” Cass assured him. “It might teach her to exercise a little more prudence.”

“She does like to show off, our Evey,” Karen sighed.

The conversation quickly turned back to lighter topics, but Fred couldn’t help the awful sinking feeling in his gut. Sure, Evelyn had been acting really stuck up and rude to him pretty much the whole time he was here, but he’d _really_ embarassed her based on her expression. And he couldn’t help but remember the way Cheryl had looked at him as she stormed out after Evelyn.

At least with her gone now, he could slide back into the space on Tadashi’s left without Cheryl blocking his way. He leaned into Tadashi’s side, whispering into his ear so that no one would overhear him. “Hey. I feel kind of bad now, was that too harsh?”

Tadashi stiffened the moment Fred’s breath puffed against his ear, and flinched back, the tiny movement sending a spike of hurt through Fred’s chest. But before he could apologize, the sudden movement drew Aunt Karen’s attention, making her glance up in their direction.

Fred saw Tadashi reach for his hand by instinct, and he swallowed the sudden bitter taste in his throat caused by knowing it was all for show. Still, he met Tadashi halfway and laced their fingers together, cursing at how well they fit together, how natural this felt.

He waited until Karen turned back to her discussion with Cass about the best brands for coffee before he dared to speak again. This time he leaned in more slowly and waited until Tadashi had tilted one of those big ears of his in Fred’s direction.

“Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to spook ya. Just wanted to ask if you thought I should go apologize to Evelyn.” He glanced through the doorway where Evelyn and Cheryl had disappeared, wondering where they’d gotten off to and when they’d be back. “You know, be the bigger man? I feel kind of bad about what I said.”

Tadashi hummed thoughtfully, sipping at the dregs of his orange juice from breakfast as he considered. Then, he shrugged. “I mean, you don’t _have_ to if you don’t want to, considering how she and Cheryl have been treating you all morning,” Tadashi whispered slowly. Oh god, Tadashi had noticed the not-so-subtle barbs too, then. Good, it meant Fred wasn’t imagining things and getting horribly defensive for no reason. “But I see your point. I mean, she _is_ my family, I think it’s important that you at least _try_ to get along with her.”

Fred screwed up his face a bit, thinking about how much _Evelyn_ wasn’t trying. “Why?”

“So it’s not awkward next year?” Tadashi said with a raised eyebrow, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for Fred to be coming back to his family reunion. Fred was really glad he was sitting down already, because he was pretty sure his knees just went weak.

“Right. Yeah. Next year, that’s important, yeah,” Fred tripped over his words. Oh god, he was starting to get that dopey love-struck expression, he just knew it. He had to get out of there, now, before he started gushing to Tadashi about how special it made him feel to be invited to this reunion, that Tadashi actually wanted him to come back.

“Although how did you know all that?” Tadashi suddenly asked, giving Fred a confused glance. “Evelyn always goes on about that place, it sounds pretty high-end. How did you hear about it?”

“Uuuuuh, well, you know…” Fred stuttered, scrambling for an answer that wasn’t ‘my mom and dad like to joke about that place with their friends while sipping champagne when they go to _real_ high-end auction houses that actually sell real paintings and stuff to rich people’. “Research paper?”

Tadashi did not look convinced.

_Time to exit stage right_. “You know what, all the more reason for me to go apologize to her. I think I’ll do that right now, yup, no time like the present and all that, here, let me take your dishes to the kitchen, I’ll go find them, you wait here, don’t worry I’ll be right back, bye!” He said this all in a rush as he gathered up his and Tadashi’s breakfast dishes, stacking them precariously one on top of the other, and then disappearing out the door like a whirlwind. He imagined Tadashi sitting there, blinking comically in his wake. Maybe with a little cartoon dust cloud for effect.

He headed for the kitchen first, figuring this apology would be awkward enough without holding a stack of plates in his hands. He dropped them off next to the sink where Will was just starting his turn at dish duty, Braeden at his side still yawning as if he’d just woken up. He gave them an apologetic smile as he added to their pile, and then quickly scurried off before Will could get him with the soap suds. Then he started his search for Aunt Evelyn.

The farmhouse was large for the two people who lived there, but there were only so many places a person could be. After checking the livingroom and den without any luck, he headed out to the backyard porch, figuring Evelyn might be enjoying the clear air as she calmed down. 

Sure enough, as he popped out the back door, he found Cheryl and Evelyn standing on the edge of the vineyards, their heads tucked together and working the vines. Cheryl seemed to mostly just be watching, but she held a basked in her hands, that Evelyn was tossing pruned bits of vine and leaves into as she worked. They were talking in hushed tones, but as Fred wandered closer, their words became more clear. Slowly his steps faltered as he understood they weren’t talking about the painting anymore.

They were talking about him.

“...can’t believe how rude he is,” Cheryl huffed under her breath. “It makes you wonder what kind of parents would raise a child like that, to just say those horrible things in front of everyone. It makes you wonder if he has parents at all!”

“Based on the way he’s dressed? I’m leaning towards the latter,” Evelyn grunted, her tiny shears trimming another vine that looked dead. “Every single shirt he’s worn so far is wrinkled and stained, his pants look like they’re going to fall down any minute, and I’ve never seen socks with so many holes in them. He might as well not wear them at all! And that _hair_? So lanky and thin, who honestly let him out of the house looking like that?”

Cheryl tittered loudly, a grating and irritating noise that startled a few birds out of the nearby trees. “Oh, goodness, Evelyn. You’re right. I don’t know if I want to take a pair of scissors to it or just throw a bar of soap at his head!”

“I don’t know _what_ Tadashi was thinking, bringing that, that...vagabond here! If this is his taste in partners, I think I was right to worry about Cassie taking the boys in.” Fred felt himself bristle on instinct.

“Don’t worry. I think we might be starting to show him reason,” Cheryl quickly assured her, holding out the basket for more trimmings. “Didn’t you see the way the two of them were acting last night? I think Tadashi’s starting to realize that this Fred isn’t what he really wants, what he _needs_. Don’t worry, Evy, we’ll help him understand. I swear I saw him looking at Denise this morning too, when he and that slob came down for breakfast.”

“God I hope so,” Evelyn sighed, “or I’m scared he’ll sink his hooks into Tadashi, and then there goes his promising future. I can’t believe Cass allows Tadashi to go anywhere near that sort of person. Honestly, I suspect the only reason he knows about the West Acres auction is because he looks like the type to hang out with conmen and thieves. In fact, I’ll bet that’s how he knew to look for that stamp!”

“God, Evelyn. You should probably lock up your valuables while he’s here, and maybe find time when he’s not around to tell everyone else to do the same. We wouldn’t want anything to go ‘missing’ while he’s here, right? I’m going to make sure Denise hides her jewelry in the suitcase from now on.”

“Oh please, Cheryl, no. That won’t be enough if he really wants to get at it. Give it to me, I can put it in the safe with mine.”

“You are a peach, darling.”

Having heard enough, Fred silently backed towards the house. He slipped back inside, quietly as he could, catching the door as it swung shut behind him and ever so slowly pulling it closed. Once he was sure he was cut off from the two gossiping women outside, he turned and walked straight up the two flights of steps up to the attic.

Just as he thought, both Tadashi and Hiro were still downstairs with family, and the room was empty. Which was just as good because it meant that no one would hear him as he sunk down on the bed he and Tadashi were sharing, buried his face in his stuff lizard, and tried to breathe through the burning feeling in his chest.

It was not the first time he’d been talked about behind his back. And honestly, it wasn’t even the first time he’d heard some of those accusations. Those weren’t even the worst things he’d been accused of. Any other time he would have laughed it off, let the hate roll off his back like a duck with water, and carried on with his usual enthusiasm and complete inability to be brought down.

But this wasn’t a normal time. He was already emotionally frayed between Tadashi’s hot-and-cold attitude and his own feelings getting put through the wringer every single time he so much as talked to the other man. That, combined with the absolutely _horrible_ sleep he’d been getting meant his armour was cracked, his shields were down, and all it would take was one well-placed proton torpedo and he was going to shatter like glass.

And _god_ Evelyn and Cheryl had good aim.

He hadn’t cried alone in his room like this since he was fifteen and in highschool. He’d just found out that the people he’d considered really good friends were only hanging out with him for his money, and when he’d told them he wasn’t interested in being used as an ATM, they’d all ditched him at once, without even a look back. Feeling lonely and used, Fred had come home and burrowed into his blankets and sobbed like a kid until Heathcliff had come with soup and tea and a friendly pat on the back to cheer him up.

There was no Heathcliff and no soup this time. But there was tea.

He’d heard someone coming up the steps, and had managed to pull himself together fast enough that by the time someone came in his face was dry and he was busy digging around in his luggage as if looking for something. He added a few muttered curses for good measure, hoping to create a convincing act.

But when the person appeared at his elbow and coughed softly, Fred had to jerk up in surprise. Because it wasn’t Tadashi like he’d expected.

Hiro coughed into his fist again and held the mug of tea out a bit further, carefully keeping his eyes fixed to the side. He very pointedly didn’t mention Fred’s red and puffy eyes.

“Here,” he said quietly. “Uh, someone told me you might, uh, need more caffeine. Or something.”

Fred carefully took the cup from Hiro’s hands, holding it between his palms and enjoying the soothing warmth for a moment. He dipped his face over the cup and breathed in deeply, scenting a chamomile and green tea blend. Perfect for someone who was upset and needed to calm down.

“Thanks, Hiro,” Fred whispered quietly. “And can you…?”

“No one will know,” Hiro said hastily. “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thanks. Appreciate it.”

Hiro shrugged. “Don’t thank me. It wasn’t my idea,” he admitted. And then before Fred could ask him to clarify, he was heading back out. “Oh, by the way, we’re leaving for the beach in an hour. You probably have about twenty minutes before Tadashi bursts in, panicking because he forgot his swimsuit _again_. As if Aunt Cass doesn’t remember for him and pack it every year.”

And with a roll of his eyes and a casual wave over his shoulder, Hiro was gone, shutting the attic door behind him and leaving Fred standing there in the middle of the room with a blotchy face and a warm cup of tea.

Fred was stuck there for a moment, wondering exactly what had just happened, but then he shrugged and sipped his tea, figuring if he had it he might as well drink it.

Oh god. Hiro had put honey in it. Fred resolved then and there to go out and buy the kid a pony the moment they got back to San Fransokyo.

Then he sat on the bed, sipped his tea, and slowly rebuilt his walls while he had the chance.

+++

There was a god.

There was a god, and he got sick enjoyment out of torturing Fred. That was the only explanation for why Fred was currently in this situation. 

‘This situation’ being a beach, lying on a towel on the hot sand, while Tadashi was lying next to him wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks.

Oh, and Tadashi wanted him to put sunscreen on his back. Of course.

Fred didn’t know whether to offer prayers of thanks to the heavens or curse and shake his fist to the sky. Because this _exact_ scenario had played out in _multiple_ fantasies for him over the years, and he was having a _very_ hard time convincing his body that this time was different. Emphasis on hard.

But Tadashi had handed him the bottle of sunscreen and rolled onto his front like it was no big deal. Considering they were supposed to be dating, he supposed it shouldn’t have been a big deal. Only they _weren’t_ dating, and Fred wished they were so that he legitimately had excuses to touch Tadashi like this, but he didn’t because they weren’t actually dating, and so it _was_ a big deal, and _argh!_ He needed to stop overthinking this before he drove himself even more insane than he already was!

_Come on, Fred. It’s just like applying lotion to yourself, only you’re putting it on Tadashi. You’re helping him out, you’re being a bro. Girls do stuff like this for each other all the time, why not guys? Think of it as breaking down gender stereotypes or something. Yeah._

But when he tried to open the sunscreen, the cap was sticking. Growling under his breath, he pressed upwards with his thumb a bit harder.

“Having some trouble?” Tadashi mumbled, sounding almost half-asleep as he laid there in the shade of the massive beach umbrella Rose had set up for them.

“No! No trouble!” Fred quickly assured him. The last thing he wanted Tadashi to do was roll over. When Tadashi had peeled off his shirt earlier, revealing his flat stomach and the tiny bit of hair tracing down from his navel, Fred had let out a small whine that had made everyone look at him in concern. He was having enough trouble dealing with Tadashi’s fine ass, he didn’t need the abs right now too. “Almost got it!” He redoubled his efforts, sinking his nails into the seam of the lid and prying with all his might.

The cap popping open caught him off guard, and he reflexively squeezed the tube in surprise. The pressure sent a small splatter of thick white droplets all over Tadashi’s back and made the other man gasp and arch at the sudden cold.

“Oh my god!” Tadashi shouted. “Fred!”

And just like that, Fred needed to go run into the cold water of the ocean _right now_.

“Um, you know what, maybe I am having some trouble with this, wait is that a dolphin?!” Fred shouted, pointing wildly towards the crashing waves. “I think it is, I’m going to go see, be right back!”

He charged straight for the water, ignoring Tadashi’s yelp of surprise or the way the rest of the cousins were calling out for him in confusion. It was like jumping into an ice bath as he threw himself into the waves, but by god it was effective. He let out a very unmanly yelp as he was immediately soaked by a crashing crest of water smashing into him, leaving him dripping, cold, but thankfully back under control.

When he trudged up the beach back to his towel, Tadashi just laid there, staring at him. Wordlessly he offered the sunscreen to Hiro instead, who took it without a care and started coating Tadashi’s back with the ease of long practice. Fred just flopped on his face and hid in his arms for a while. Maybe they’d think he was trying to sunbathe or something. In the shade. Yeah, sure.

Eventually, though, he got past his embarrassment and managed to crawl back to his knees. He glanced around, noticing that Braeden had started up a volleyball game against Sarah and Rose, and was trying his best to beat them by himself - unsuccessfully - while Will played referee. Amy and Justin were helping baby Vicky make sand castles, which basically consisted of packing sand into bucket, flipping it over to create a shape, and then watching as Victoria knocked it over, shrieking with laughter each time. At least someone was amused.

Greg had once again commandeered Hiro’s attention, although Fred wasn’t exactly sure what they were planning on doing with all those sticks, and Tadashi…

...oh hell, Tadashi was currently being cornered by Denise, the two of them standing on the shoreline where their toes were barely soaked with each incoming wave. Tadashi’s body language _screamed_ ‘uncomfortable’, but Denise didn’t seem to be backing off.

Time for Fred to the rescue, he supposed. Sighing, he climbed to his feet, ready to walk over and play the jealous boyfriend role if he had to. It honestly wouldn’t be that hard, he saw her reach up as if to touch Tadashi’s arm, and he saw green. But then an even better idea hit him, and he decided to act on it before he could second-guess himself.

“Hey Denise!” he shouted, already charging down the beach at full speed, “Let’s go body surfing!”

She looked up at him in confusion, clearly not expecting his interference, and her eyes went saucer-wide as she saw him racing towards her with a huge grin on his face, with no intention of stopping. She only had time to let out a small squeak, and then Fred was scooping her up around her middle and dragging her full body into the ocean. She let out a high-pitched shriek as the waves crashed over both of them, immediately soaking them, and then they were both falling under the water.

When he surfaced seconds later, Fred couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing. Sure, it might have been a little bit mean, but this was the exact kind of prank he would have pulled on Honey Lemon if she were here, or even Tadashi. Not Wasabi or GoGo though, Wasabi because he was too big to budge, and GoGo because he valued his limbs exactly where they were, but Tadashi and Honey Lemon would laugh along with him, recognizing that he was just Fred being Fred.

Denise came up spluttering almost immediately after him, her thick dark hair soaked through and clinging to her nut-brown skin. She scrambled to her feet, almost losing her footing for a second, frantically rubbing at her eyes to clear them of sea water. And then, when she could open them again, she glared over at Fred, standing in the surf beside her, giving her a sheepish grin.

“Whoops?” He tried to sound contrite, and failed miserably.

She glared at him a moment more, and then an evil grin broke out over her face. Fred only had a moment to panic, and then suddenly she was diving back under the surface, immediately vanishing in the murky waves, and then Fred felt something grab his ankle and he was going over backwards with a yelp. For a minute he was fully submerged in seawater, flailing and spluttering, until he could regain his balance on the sand.

This time it was _him_ coming up gasping while Denise laughed. He looked up at her with a somewhat stunned expression. He’d never heard her laugh before. He’d never even seen her really smile before. And now here she was doing both.

He had to admit, even though girls weren’t his thing, even _he_ could tell that she was pretty when she smiled.

“That’s what you get for trying to drown me,” Denise said in a falsely haughty tone, before reaching out a hand to help him up. “But what do you say, truce?”

He looked her in the eye, and instantly knew she was talking about more than just the splashing around. He hesitated a moment, really thinking about it. On the one hand, if he agreed to this truce, then he’d have to put up with Denise hanging around with him and Tadashi all day without complaint. And what if Tadashi had noticed the same thing he had, that Denise was actually really pretty? And that she had a nice laugh? And that when she wasn’t acting so stuck up and trying to get into Tadashi’s personal space, she actually seemed kind of cool? His eyes quickly darted over to Tadashi, hoping to get some feedback, but Tadashi’s expression was completely shuttered. No luck there.

But on the other hand, he was so tired of the covert, cold war, cloak-and-dagger, two-conversations-at-once, fake politeness thing that they’d had going on since day one. He could really use a break. Just _one day_ where he didn’t have to worry about showing Denise up or getting in her way if she went after Tadashi. And if she agreed to the truce, that meant she’d back off for now too, right? So with a feeling almost like relief, Fred reached up and took her hand.

“Truce,” he agreed, giving her arm a single pump, up and down, so they’d shaken on it. For a moment, she looked almost as relieved as he felt.

Then her evil grin returned and she glanced over at Tadashi, who had been standing on the shore, watching the whole time. “You know. He looks awfully warm and dry, doesn’t he, Fred?”

Fred’s smile mirrored her own. “You know what, Denise? I think you’re right.”

Tadashi, who’d looked mildly concerned before, suddenly seemed to realize _exactly_ what this truce would entail. He gave them a deer in the headlights look, and started backing away slowly.

“Uh, wait just a second here, guys,” he tried to talk them down, even as he started backing away slowly. “There’s no need to - eep!”

He bolted the moment both Fred and Denise surged forward as one. Or at least he tried to. But what he hadn’t noticed was that Will, Braeden, Sarah, and Rose had abandoned their game the moment Fred had tackled Denise into the ocean, and had snuck up behind him with giant shit-eating grins on their faces. When he tried to run, they were already there, trapping him in place.

“Oh no!” he shouted, although there was laughter underneath, “I’m surrounded, why am I surrounded?!”

“Time to go for a dip, Tadashi!” Sarah said, pushing Tadashi towards the water by the shoulders. “Go on! I’m sure the water’s _just_ fine!”

“Okay, but only if you come with me!” Tadashi yelled, and then before Sarah could escape he grabbed her and fell backwards into the water, dragging her with him. The two screamed almost in unison as they were submerged, shrieking with giggles as the sea water swelled up and threw them around a bit.

After that, it was like a signal. Everyone ended up in the water, splashing around and playing games. Marco Polo devolved into water tag, which then became chicken wars. Hiro and Tadashi ended up taking on Braeden and Greg, with everyone else standing to the side and cheering them on. Based on how serious everyone was getting, and how hard Hiro and Greg fought while Tadashi and Braeden struggled to keep their footing below, Fred figured this was an annual thing. Hiro and Tadashi won the first fight, Greg and Braeden won the second, and then Amy and Justin won the third when they came out of nowhere and knocked both teams over while Vicky bounced in Rose’s arms and splashed water.

Fred was soaked to the bone and feeling very pleased with himself by the time he staggered out of the waves. He had found a lovely seashell only to lose it when Denise knocked into him and made him drop it (for the sake of their truce he let himself assume that she hadn’t done it on purpose), he suspected that he’d missed a spot with the sunscreen and was going to burn unless he put a shirt on fast, and he had sand in several unmentionable places, but his ribs ached from laughing. On the whole he was feeling much, much better than he had been that morning. Summertime beach shenanigans sort of had that effect.

Walking unsteadily over the lumpy, shifting sand, he found his way back to the pile of things he’d left on dry land, and struggled to pull his shirt on over his head, water be damned. He’d dry off in ten minutes tops.

“Heya.” Tadashi caught up and clapped him on the back, startling him, but in a good way. His head was still stuck in his shirt, but that just meant Tadashi couldn’t see him blush or something. “Let’s go tide pooling.”

“Huh?” Fred fixed his shirt finally, and was immediately treated to a lovely view of a very wet, very glistening Tadashi pulling his shirt on, as well. He didn’t have any trouble with it, of course, and the shirt soaked up the seawater and clung oh-so-nicely to his chest, and his stomach, and his shoulders, and his everything.

“Seriously, this place has some sweet tide pools, wanna go see?” Tadashi grinned, apparently oblivious to the effect he was having.

About eighty percent of Fred’s attention was still fixed on how effortlessly Tadashi was pulling off the wet T-shirt look. “Muh.”

“I mean, I used to take Hiro hunting for crayfish and stuff all the time, but I’m pretty sure he’s busy trying to shove sand down Will’s shorts. I don’t think he’s over the pickle pop incident yet.” Tadashi paused, tilting his head to the side as if trying to catch Fred’s eye. “Uh, Fred? You still with me?”

“Eeeyep.” Fred mentally shook himself. Would it look weird if he smacked himself across the face? Probably. Better not do that.

Farther down the beach, soft sand gave way to rough, dark rock. _Really_ rough - Fred was sure he’d scrape his knee clean off if he fell. Scoops and hollows in the rock formed pools clustered at the shoreline, filled with salt water left by the high tide. Footholds became even more treacherous and unsteady than the sand had been. Fred couldn’t get a proper look without clambering around on the rocks, which required a little more balance than he was completely sure he had. To make matters worse, seaweed and wet stone and patches smoothed by water or footsteps made the whole place unpredictable and slippery. One misstep and he’d mangle his shins on the rock. Add in the saltwater factor and he’d have one heck of a bad time.

He slipped, almost losing his sandal, but Tadashi caught him by the arm and steadied him. Even when Fred regained his balance, Tadashi didn’t let go. After a few seconds of mental flailing, Fred just let himself be fine with that.

The tide pools were neat to look at, in any case - not as nice to look at as Tadashi, maybe, but still pretty cool. Fred had only ever seen starfish dried out and dead on display or in gift shops, but when Tadashi encouraged him to touch one, he found it bumpy and even a little squishy. He thought he saw an arm wiggle, and left it alone. He left the sea anemones alone, and the tiny hermit crabs creeping along the sand at the bottom.

“Oh, oh, check this out.” Tadashi crouched down, pointing down into a pool. “It’s one of those little sponge things.”

Fred squatted beside him, squinting to follow his finger. “What sponge things?” The thing Tadashi was pointing to was circular and smaller than the palm of his hand, with a crater in the middle, like a lumpy brown donut. It clung to the side of the pool, one side barely touching the surface of the water. “Is that a sea anemone?”

“I dunno.” Tadashi shrugged. “I don’t think so. No little tentacles. But watch this.” Carefully he poked the edge of the sponge. It puckered, and a small jet of water squirted out of the middle. “Neat, huh?”

Fred grinned, found another sponge thing, and poked it gently until it shot water. “It beats the touch tank in the aquarium.” He straightened up, easing his spine and his cramping legs. “Man, this is so _cool_.”

“Really?” Tadashi stood up beside him, shifting his footing for better balance. “I guess. It’s really nice being able to show this to someone new.”

Fred swallowed. Tadashi’s shirt had dried in the sun, and he found his boldness a little more easily than he would have otherwise. “Dude, we should hit the beach more often.”

“Heh, you think?” 

“Totally. We can make it a thing. You, me, magical seashore adventure.” Fred beamed at him hopefully. “Just hang out, shoot the breeze, collect some shells, maybe look for selkies or something.” He faltered. “Y-y’know, like bro time.”

Tadashi blinked, and for a split second he looked almost surprised. But he blinked again, and it was gone too quickly for Fred to be sure that he had seen it at all. “Oh, uh, yeah. Bro time. Awesome.” He turned away, carefully picking a path through the rocks again. “C’mon, one time me and Hiro found a baby octopus in one of these pools.

By the time the sun was starting to set, everyone was absolutely exhausted, but happy. When Fred returned with Tadashi, he finally found out what Hiro and Greg had been doing with the sticks when it turned out they had been in charge of creating a fire pit for everyone to cook their dinner on. Amy broke out the cooler full of hot dogs and marshmallows, and they all started roasting away on the best sticks. Tadashi’s spider hot dogs were a real crowd pleaser, especially for the younger cousins who were amused by the way the sliced up hot dogs would curl, creating little legs like a spider, while Justin was put on marshmallow duty because he was the best at getting them the perfect golden brown colour.

They sat on the beach, cooking and eating and enjoying each other’s company until the sun had set and the stars were spread out across the sky above them like a glittering canopy.

From his seat in the sand next to Tadashi, with his belly full of good food and a perfect night sky above him, Fred couldn’t help but marvel at how the day had started out so terribly, but had ended so wonderfully. There was really only one thing that could have made it better, but that was wishful thinking at best. The bonfire and the moon and stars and stuff were making him sappy, but that was okay. He was cool with just this, it wasn’t like-

Tadashi’s hand closed over his.

Fred was incredibly proud of himself for not being gun-shy about it. Maybe he’d had enough practice over the past few days, but the handholding that used to make him squirm with barely-contained embarrassed glee now just felt… comfortable. Besides, it was just hand-holding. Nothing big. Just in case a Certain Someone(s) happened to look over. Pretty par for course, really. If anything, this was kind of encouraging. If he and Tadashi came out of this with a little more tolerance for physical affection, well, he certainly wasn’t going to complain. A world where he could hold Tadashi’s hand without either of them being weird about it was a good world. Seriously, who needed kissing out under the stars? No point in pining for something that wasn’t going to happen.

Fred felt Tadashi’s hand press firmly around his, and that was the only warning he had before Tadashi leaned over and pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. Which, to be fair, wasn’t that weird - they’d been doing that every now and then for the past few days, too. But this wasn’t just a chaste peck, nor was it one of those showy kisses that they’d had to pull out to convince the family. No, this was a gentle kiss that lingered, one that sent electricity all through Fred’s skin and left a burning feeling on his lips.

And Fred couldn’t help but notice that absolutely no one was looking at them.

He started to turn his head, his mouth dropping open to ask what exactly Tadashi was doing, but he never got the chance because Tadashi was kissing him again. Fred’s heart stuttered in his chest, and his breathing went a little bit ragged as Tadashi pressed against him harder, his lips moving slightly, his hand on Fred’s squeezing just that little bit tighter. Fred had to remind himself to keep breathing, because he could feel Tadashi’s lips start to part, and let his mouth open in response. He shifted his hand under Tadashi’s, twisting his wrist until he could thread their fingers together and squeeze back. There was the tiniest hint of moisture against his bottom lip, with a little bit of pressure, and _oh god that was Tadashi’s tongue, that’s his **tongue** what is happening he’s kissing me for real we never practiced this why is he doing this what is happening oh my god -_

They both jumped apart like startled rabbits when a baby’s piercing cry suddenly broke through the quiet night. Heart pounding in his chest, Fred looked over to see Amy trying to shush a squirming Victoria while the other girls cooed at her and the boys rolled their eyes. No one was looking over at them, thank god, too distracted by the crying baby to pay any attention to their flushed faces and tense postures. Well that was okay, because Fred wasn’t paying attention to them, either. His heart was beating so hard he thought it might fly out of his chest, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to start singing or throw up. His brain was full of tiny workers running around in circles and screaming, pressing buttons and pulling switches trying to get his system rebooted. His stomach was Butterfly Central, and it felt terrifying and confusing and utterly _glorious_.

Was he imagining things? Was he seeing this right? Tadashi had kissed him - kissed _him_ \- and no one had been watching, there had been no one to fool, no one to convince. Denise wasn’t close enough or paying attention, no one else cared. He’d just been there, thinking about night skies and romance, and then Tadashi had read his mind and…

And kissed the living _hell_ out of him. For no reason. For no one else’s benefit. Just them.

Then maybe…?

Was it possible…?

_Does he… maybe like me too?_

His face warmed again, not just from the fire, and with that single thought he finally gathered up the nerve to look Tadashi in the eye. But when he turned, Tadashi was pointedly not looking in his direction. 

Fred almost lost his nerve then and there, but he curled his fingers into the sand and tried to keep his cool. “H-hey, uh,” he began, his voice faltering. And even so, they were sitting close enough, and Tadashi should have heard him, but before Fred could gather himself for another try, Tadashi got up and moved away. Fred’s voice failed him again, and he could only watch as Tadashi took a seat next to Hiro and stole a marshmallow off of Will’s stick. Not once - not even _once_ \- did he look back at Fred.

Fred watched him go with slack-jawed dismay. The racing activity in his mind ground to a halt. The butterflies in his stomach went limp and dead.

And just like that, the horrible day that was starting to look up went straight back down the tubes, past the level of awful it had been before, and straight into the pits of hell. Fred couldn’t remember a single time he’d felt this terrible. He wanted to cry.

But he couldn’t. Not here. So he held it in, choking on it, and prayed that no one looked over while he was rubbing his eyes. He thought he saw Denise glance his way quickly, but when he turned towards her she was focused on Amy and Vicky again, so he passed it off as a trick of the flickering fire.

“Hey Fred! What do you think?”

Fred felt his blood run cold as he was suddenly addressed, and he looked up to see everyone staring at him. Oh god, he hadn’t been paying attention, and he was still choking on tears a bit, he had _no_ idea what they wanted from him. This was worse than that time he’d tripped and fallen down the stairs in middle school, right in the middle of lunch period so everyone could see. But still, he had to play his part. That was the whole reason Tadashi had brought him, right? So he focused on Rose, who had spoken, and tried to work up the energy for a smile.

“Uh, sorry, what was the question? I wasn’t paying attention, I thought I saw a UFO,” he joked, pointing upwards. The group laughed a little at his sad attempt at humor, before Rose shook her head good-naturedly and repeated her question.

“We’re talking about whether or not the Star Wars prequels are any good. Hiro says you’re something like a nerd expert, what do you think?” she asked, reaching up without looking and slapping a hand over Sarah’s mouth to cut her off the moment she tried to talk.

Fred could have groaned in relief. Nerd talk, this was something he could do in his sleep. Pulling up his encyclopedic knowledge of the Star Wars universe, he scooched closer to the group and leaned in. “Oh please, if you’re expecting me to be that puritan, ‘the prequels were awful because Jar-Jar alone and they ruined Darth Vader and how could they George Lucas is a monster’ type, you are going to be very disappointed. Because while, yeah, that’s all true, the prequels also gave us one absolutely _awesome_ thing.”

“Ewan McGreggor?” Amy piped up, ignoring the annoyed look her husband gave her.

“... _two_ awesome things.”

“Better special effects?”

“The costumes?”

“Oh come on, Sarah, Amidala’s outfits were not enough to save those movies.”

“Says _you_. They were just _so pretty_ ”

“What is it, Fred?” Denise pipped up, getting the conversation back on track. Fred waited until everyone had quieted down, glancing from face to face to make sure they were all listening. He pointedly passed over Tadashi, unwilling - or unable - to look him in the eye at the moment, but by the time he’d gone around the circle, everyone was leaning in closer, waiting for him to reveal some sort of amazing truth about the prequel trilogy.

“The awesome thing the prequels gave us...” _pause for dramatic effect_ “Is Samuel motherfu - uh, sorry Samuel L. Jackson as a Jedi with a purple lightsabre, because he refused to have a normal colour.”

There was a chorus of groans, and Will threw a few marshmallows in Fred’s direction. He cheerfully caught one in his mouth and munched on it, giving Will a smug smile all the while. The conversation ended up switching to Samuel L. Jackson movies, and then the newest releases that everyone wanted to see, and then they were broken up again by Vicky fussing. 

“Okay. I think this wee one’s had enough for one day,” Amy announced, slowly climbing to her feet with a groan. “Time for us to head back and put her to bed.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll clean up here,” Rose quickly assured her sister. “Drive safe guys, and we’ll see you back at the house.”

Justin and Amy nodded and said their goodbyes, and then they headed out into the darkness beyond the campfire to where they’d parked.

After that, everyone else started packing up as well, gathering towels and umbrellas and personal items. Braeden and Tadashi put out the campfire, as Hiro and Greg had made it, dumping a bucket of seawater over it to douse the flames and sending a large plume of steam up into the air. Then, once everyone had everything, they each headed for their own cars, ready to drive back to the farmhouse.

As they left, Fred looked over to see Denise looking right back. Her expression was unreadable, but he had a feeling he knew what she was trying to communicate. Their truce was over, and starting tomorrow she’d be after Tadashi again.

After the horrible day he’d just had, Fred was tempted to just let her have him.

But he smacked the depressing thoughts out of his head almost as soon as he’d had them. It was day six tomorrow, day _six_. He was practically at the finish line. He couldn’t just choke now! So he gave her his best serious expression, hoping she’d get his point. That he was going to defend Tadashi no matter what, so she could bring it.

She looked away. It felt less like victory than he’d hoped.

The drive back to the farmhouse was absolutely silent. Hiro was dozing off in the front seat, and Fred was looking out the window the whole time, his mind a million miles away.

He wondered if tomorrow could possibly get any worse than today.


	9. Cards on the Table

Tadashi knew he’d messed up, but it didn’t really sink in until he woke up the next morning to an unusually spacious mattress, then rolled over half-awake and found Fred asleep on the floor. For a few blank minutes he lay there and stared as his mind fully woke up, before rolling back again and pressing his face into his pillow to muffle his mortified groan.

He’d messed up. He had definitely messed up. What was worse, he knew exactly when and how he had messed up, because frankly it was obvious.

What had he been thinking, kissing Fred like that? He hadn’t been thinking, that was the problem. He’d just been sitting there, and Fred had been sitting there, and there were stars and the moon and the ocean and a campfire and _oh God, oh God he’d used tongue._ He’d lost his head in the moment - completely lost it - and it had stayed missing until a crying baby had dragged it back.

There hadn’t been any excuse for it, and in his panic at the sudden return of his senses, it had been all Tadashi could do to get up and remove himself from the situation before Fred could call him on it. He’d almost set himself on fire putting the bonfire out, he’d been so distracted. Fred had ignored him on the way back, and now Tadashi was desperate to railroad things back to normal if need be.

What was the use? The damage was done. Everything was ruined. Unless he salvaged this somehow, maybe “everything” would include his friendship with Fred.

Tadashi followed the groan up with a quiet, dry-eyed sob. That was not what he wanted - in fact, that was the very last thing he wanted. Because however much he might like Fred - as in liking him _that way_ \- the only thing worse than not acting on that was never hanging out with him at all.

 _Okay,_ he thought. _Okay. Not the end of the world, or the end of our friendship, even. I can salvage this. I can fix this. Just two more days, it won’t kill us. And hey, the family’s on our side and Denise seemed actually kind of cool yesterday, so maybe we can let up a little. Make stuff normal again._

Should he apologize for that kiss? The thought of it was enough to make him cringe. _Maybe. I’ll think about it. Might be better to just pretend it never happened._

Unfortunately, pretending everything was normal was easier said than done, because as the morning wore on, Tadashi noticed that Fred was… well. Fred was something. Tadashi wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. He couldn’t call it normal because something about it just rang false. He couldn’t call it “melancholy” or “down,” not when Fred cracked jokes at the breakfast table and almost goaded Sarah into throwing bacon at his face. He couldn’t even call it remotely unenthusiastic, especially when afternoon rolled around and the gathering poured out into Aunt Evelyn’s spacious backyard with Fred charging along with them. But something was wrong, and Tadashi knew it. There was just… something in the way Fred smiled, like it was too stretched and forced to be comfortable or natural.

Tadashi dawdled on his way out to join them. There were two reasons why, though technically one of them was more like an excuse. He discovered the first reason when he reached out and grasped Fred’s hand, quietly reveling in the comfort that simple physical contact had become, only to feel Fred tense when he did it. It wasn’t… _quite_ a flinch, in fact Tadashi wasn’t sure what to call it, but either way it made him let go and step away instantly.

He kept forgetting. Somehow, even though Fred was becoming more overtly jumpy about it as the week drew to a close, Tadashi kept forgetting that this wasn’t real, and that this probably wasn’t comfortable for him. _Tone it down,_ he told himself angrily. _Stop getting all weird on him._ He shot a glance at Fred, worried when Fred looked away. How was he even supposed to address this?

The second reason came as a godsend, though Aunt Evelyn would probably disagree. In his excitement to catch up with the other cousins, Greg clipped Uncle Henry on his way out and lost his grip on the can of soda he was carrying. There was a cry of dismay from Aunt Evelyn as Sprite sloshed over her carpet.

Tadashi lunged for the lifeline like a drowning man at sea. “Uh-oh, I better go help. I’ll catch up with you later.” He gave Fred a light nudge toward the door, then darted back to where Aunt Cass was already bending down to mop up the mess. Greg, of course, escaped out into the backyard with the others while Aunt Evelyn was too horrified to stop him.

“Evelyn, where do you keep the cleaning supplies?” Aunt Cass was saying as Tadashi crouched down to help.

“They’re in the hall closet.” Aunt Evelyn fretted. “Will it stain? I hope it doesn’t stain.”

“Could’ve been worse,” Tadashi pointed out as Aunt Cass rose to go find the Resolve spray. “Could’ve been orange soda.”

His aunt actually shuddered at the thought. “Thank you for helping, Tadashi, you’re an absolute dear.”

“It’s cool.” He shrugged as he pressed paper towels into the soda, soaking as much of it out of the carpet as he could. “Spills like this happen all the time at home.”

“Cassie makes you help clean up?” She sounded put out. “I thought she was the one taking care of you, not the other way around.”

“Both of us help around the house,” Tadashi said flatly. “That’s… kind of a normal thing that normal kids do. Like, everywhere. Everyone does that. Kids do chores, it’s a thing.”

“Oh, well-” Evelyn broke off, sounding embarrassed.

Tadashi sighed, glancing around. Everyone had gone outside, and Aunt Cass was still out of sight and hearing range, looking for stain cleaner. “Look, Aunt Evelyn... I don’t know what your beef with Aunt Cass is about. And frankly I don’t care. But I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop thinking she’s… I don’t know, failed to raise us or something. Because she hasn’t. She’s been great.” In a moment of boldness he turned to glare at her over his shoulder. “It’s worth a couple chores around the house, okay?”

“Oh, well I suppose.” She seemed to dither for a moment. “I mean I don’t have a ‘beef’ with her. She’s family, after all. But you’re family too, and I worry about you.”

“Well, thanks, but I’m fine.”

“I’m just not sure,” Aunt Evelyn sighed. “I mean, I believe you about Cassie, I really do. But she’s always so busy, and she can’t always look after you.”

“I’m twenty, I’m getting past the point of looking after.”

“I remember when I was twenty and I thought I knew everything,” she said gently. “But you… you can’t always know for sure. Like with… with Fred.”

Tadashi’s irritation immediately ramped back up. “What _about_ Fred,” he said, a bit more waspishly than he intended.

“I’m only saying something because I care,” Aunt Evelyn said. “I just don’t think he’s right for you, dear.”

“Okay.” Tadashi put absolutely no inflection into his voice.

“Tadashi,” she said reproachfully, and sighed in frustration. “What can I say that will make you listen to me?”

“I dunno, what can _I_ say that’ll make you drop it?” By now Tadashi sat up again, abandoning all pretense of cleaning.

“Is that really as good as you think you deserve?” Aunt Evelyn asked. “You deserve so much better than him.”

The paper towel split between Tadashi’s hands. _It’s not real anyway,_ he reminded himself futilely. _It’s just an act, it’s not real._ But the anger felt real, the frustration felt real, and the hovering threat of tears felt real. “You’ve known him less than a week,” he gritted out.

“And that’s how long it’s taken me to figure out that he’s not _good_ for you,” Aunt Evelyn said urgently, dropping her voice as if she was afraid that Fred himself was eavesdropping on them. “Tadashi, I just don’t think you chose with… with your eyes open, that’s all.”

“I love him.” He wasn’t sure why he said it. To shut her up? To lie and carry on the act? Either way it failed, because it didn’t shut her up, and it didn’t quite feel like a lie. It felt every bit as real as the ache behind his eyes and the cold, protective anger bubbling below the surface.

“Of course you love him,” she said patiently. “You’re a wonderful person, and anyone would be lucky to have you love them. But I just don’t think he _deserves_ it. My mother always said, you have to choose with your head, and not your heart.”

“ _That_ explains a lot,” Tadashi shot back.

She stared at him, aghast. “What is that supposed to mean?”

His hands were shaking, and he stood. “Y’know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t have to help clean up.” He tossed the damp, sugary paper towels into her hands and walked out. “Have fun. I’m gonna go hang out with my boyfriend.”

Outside it was hot and sunny, and all activity had devolved into a water fight, because of course it did. Someone had broken out and distributed the super-soakers, and Justin had parked himself by the hose with a garbage bag-lined plastic tub, which he had steadily filled with prepared water balloons. There was no even split between teams, as far as Tadashi could tell. It was pretty much a wet, screaming free-for-all where alliances didn’t get any bigger than two or three people before friendly fire inevitably made them enemies again. Sibling relationships didn’t seem to factor in; Rose and Will were cheerfully unloading on Sarah and Amy, Greg nailed his older brother Braeden in the chest with a well-placed water balloon, and Tadashi had barely closed the sliding glass door behind him when another balloon hit the steps, splattering him up to his knees. He glanced up and saw Hiro halfway across the lawn, grinning wickedly as Denise of all people tossed him another balloon.

“Took you long enough!” Hiro called, and turned to lob the balloon straight at Amy’s back. She dodged, but not quickly enough to avoid the splatter when it hit the ground by her feet.

Tadashi looked around to see what kind of chaos Fred was kicking up, and was surprised to find him spectating from a lawn chair instead. He was equally surprised that no one was taking advantage to drench him anyway.

He wrung his hands a little, still wrestling with himself. He’d stayed inside in the hopes of working things out in his head, but if anything the tight little ball of feelings in his chest had only gotten bigger and more tangled. His little chat with Aunt Evelyn hadn’t helped - he was still trying to shake off the residual anger. He’d known she and Cheryl would get mean about it, but by now they were verging on unbearable.

Who did they think they were, talking about Fred like he wasn’t good enough?

He was _more_ than good enough.

It was with that in mind that Tadashi darted around the water battle, shoes squishing in the wet grass, until he reached Fred’s side. His friend glanced up at him with a grin that Tadashi couldn’t help but notice wasn’t reaching his eyes. Uncertain, he tried grinning back.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. “You’re sitting by a squirt gun fight and you’re not even going for a water balloon.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I figured I’d just watch,” Fred said. “I dunno, maybe start a betting pool if I get enough people interested, y’know?” A shriek went up. Tadashi paused to gape as he saw Hiro and Denise absolutely tearing up the battlefield, scattering the other combatants. “Nice. You gonna get in on that?”

The thought of joining in and leaving Fred sitting around by himself on the sidelines made every one of Tadashi’s instincts scream out in protest. “You sure you want to sit this one out? It looks like fun.”

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired I guess?” His voice rose at the end into a question, and the fact that Fred sounded unsure made Tadashi feel even less certain than he had before.

“You guess?”

“Yeah.” Fred grinned up at him again. “Might’ve pulled something yesterday, like when I tossed Denise into the ocean.”

“Oh, right,” Tadashi said lamely. He glanced at Denise again, remembering the image of her flailing into the waves, and stopped short when he noticed that she was looking straight back at him. In fact, Hiro was standing next to her and looking at him, too. Then they were looking at each other, then back at him, and… “Uh-oh,” was all he managed to say before the water balloon in Denise’s exploded over his chest, drenching him and splattering both Fred and the chair.

Fred yelped, spluttering when a blast from Hiro’s super soaker nailed him in the stomach, but he was also laughing. Tadashi staggered back from the impact, shaking water from his arms as he glanced down at himself. Just his luck, the shirt he’d been wearing just _had_ to be white...

“Hey.” He stumbled back to the chair, wiping water from his face as he hunched over to talk to Fred again. “I think we’ve been formally invited. What do you think?”

Fred looked up at him and made a little choking noise. “Um…” Quickly he looked away, and Tadashi felt his heart sink.

Maybe some good old-fashioned stupid fun could bring Fred out of his funk. Tadashi smiled, bright and hopeful. “Please?”

Fred stared up at him for a moment more, eyes darting up and down a little. “...Kay,” he said finally.

“C’mon!” There were a few water guns left, either dropped by someone else or extras that were never claimed in the first place. Tadashi grabbed one that was about half full and passed another to Fred, and they temporarily commandeered the hose from Justin to load up. The moment they were ready, Tadashi took Fred by the wrist and charged into the middle of the game with a direct shot of water straight into Hiro’s face. Fred yelped with laughter, someone aimed a jet of water right into Tadashi’s ear, and Tadashi let himself forget his problems for a while.

He lost track of time after that. The world was screaming laughter, running and slipping on wet grass, brief breathers by the hose when they needed to refill their guns, and swearing whenever the older cousins forgot themselves. Tadashi made sure to drench every one of his relatives plus Denise at least once, and he was pretty sure that every one of them tried to get him, too. He stayed close to Fred, bumping and jostling him by accident from time to time, and he felt his spirits lift whenever Fred bumped and jostled right back. By the time Justin’s water balloons began to dwindle, everyone was thoroughly soaked. Hiro’s hair flopped flat over his eyes, giving him the look of a drenched sheepdog. When the final water balloon burst against Braeden’s lower back - Tadashi missed who threw it - the fighting finally lulled, and everyone exchanged wild, toothy grins.

“That’s all she wrote!” Justin called, holding up the empty plastic bag that the balloons had come in. “Sorry guys, no more.”

“Sweetie, why are you still dry?” Amy called over.

“I was making all the water balloons, I didn’t have time!”

“I can fix that!” Will yelled, before shooting the last bit of water in his gun straight into his brother-in-law’s face. Laughter rippled through the rest, but it was short-lived. For a moment Justin stared at him, water dripping down from his chin, before calmly turning and removing the garbage bag that lined the tub. He lifted it up, hefting it as he stood, and everyone could see that the garbage bag was full of water.

Will took off running. He was fast, but Justin was faster. They managed to zigzag through most of the lawn before Justin finally caught up, swung the water-filled plastic like a flail, and exploded it over Will, who went down yelling and laughing at the same time.

Tadashi almost doubled up laughing, hanging on to Fred just to stay remotely upright. His heart was still pounding, he was still giddy and buzzing with energy, and he was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt but he never, ever wanted to stop smiling. A quick glance told him Fred was smiling too - really smiling, not just putting on a face. The urge to wrap his arm around Fred’s waist and pull him closer was strong. Surely it couldn’t hurt…

Someone was watching them, and Tadashi spotted them out of the corner of his vision. He moved his eyes but not his head to see who it was, and his high spirits almost dropped then and there. _Of course._

Aunt Evelyn stood with Cheryl by the steps to the back door, both of them as far out of water gun range as they could manage. Evelyn was saying something, frowning, and Cheryl was shaking her head in obvious disapproval.

And they were looking. Right. At him.

It was weird, feeling frustration rising up to mix with the heart-pumping excitement that he had gotten used to throughout the game. It was weird in an unpleasant way, like milk clouding up water or dark liquid staining a nice clean carpet, and it was almost enough to make Tadashi’s blood boil all over again.

After he’d just gone through all that to feel happy and fun again, after listening to Aunt Evelyn try to convince him that one of his best friends was no good for him.

How dare they.

How _dare_ they?

But fine. So they were looking at them. They were watching and judging, and that was just. Fine. Might as well give them something to look at.

Tadashi pressed closer to Fred, trying to force his mind away from the unpleasantness and back into the running and laughter and fun, back into water gun fights and roller coasters and ferris wheels, holding hands and winning stuffed animals and being _goddamn honest_ when he looked at Fred and called him gorgeous.

“Hey,” he said quietly, and Fred glanced at him with eyes so bright that Tadashi felt his heart swell just looking at them. It was easy to kiss him then, if anything could really be called “easy” when it made Tadashi’s heartbeat stutter that way. It was soft and lingering but still brief, because brief was all Tadashi could manage before he felt his face bloom with warmth. To hide the blush, he pulled back and pretended to look over his shoulder at something.

He caught sight of Cheryl and Aunt Evelyn again, and they were very pointedly not looking at him anymore.

And then he came down from his high, and wanted to kick himself. _Crap, crap, that is not what I was supposed to do, I was supposed to tone it down, not make it worse._ He glanced back at Fred, who looked faintly stunned. _Play it cool, play it cool, play it off like no big deal._

“Sorry, You-Know-Who and the Dark Lord were watching,” he quipped. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go... change my clothes.” Some of the others were already heading inside to do that - Will, for one. Hurriedly he made his escape and ducked in, toeing off his wet shoes to keep from tracking mud on the floor.

* * *

He did it again. That wasn’t _fair_ , not after Fred finally had his mind off the first time. He’d finally gotten his brain back where it should be, and Tadashi had to go and _do it again._

Fred stood in the yard, his wet clothes plastered to his body, wringing his hands as his useless brain fired off unhelpful signals. More questions, more confusion, more everything. It was just… everything. Too much of everything, and not enough of… of…

There was water running down his face. Was that just dripping from his wet hair, or was he crying? He couldn’t tell. There was a fifty percent chance that he was crying, and he couldn’t even tell.

His mouth still tingled. It hadn’t been like the night before - it had been barely a tiny piece of what had gone down on the night before - but Fred’s mouth was tingling, his nails were digging into his palms, and he knew with every bone in his body that he’d _desperately wanted it to be_. He wanted that more than anything, but that was just too bad because he wasn’t going to get it.

 _Better than nothing,_ that had been his thought process when he signed on to this. Well, he’d been wrong. This was worse than nothing. At least nothing didn’t hurt this much. At least nothing was real, more real than stupid cutesy pet names and pretend-kisses that left Fred reeling for balance while Tadashi shrugged them off and walked away like it meant absolutely nothing because _it did mean absolutely nothing, that was the whole point-_

Fred couldn’t tell if he was crying or not, but he _wanted_ to cry. He wanted to stamp his foot and storm off and sob into a pillow because apparently he was a lovelorn fifteen-year-old. He wanted…

_I don’t want to do this anymore._

The realization was almost a relief. _I don’t want to do this anymore, I want to stop, I want to give up, I want to go home, I want to go back, I want to erase this whole week, I want to tell the truth._

He wanted this to be over.

Someone bumped into his arm, jarring him out of his thoughts, and he remembered where he was. People were watching. People who might think it was weird if his reaction to getting kissed by his “boyfriend” was to look like he’d just watched a puppy die.

Luck was with him, though - it was just Hiro. “If you want to stop, you should tell him,” Hiro said bluntly.

Fred glanced around, just to make sure absolutely no one was listening. Luckily, most of everyone seemed to be going inside, and those that weren’t were too busy picking up water balloon shreds. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

Hiro’s eye-roll was impressive even by teenager standards. “Bullshit you don’t.” Fred stared, wondering if he should tell him not to swear. “You’ve been going downhill since this week started. It’s messing with your head, and if you don’t do something about it you’re gonna have a meltdown.”

“I’m fine.” Fred’s voice cracked.

“Uh-huh. Look, either way Tadashi thinks you’re cool, and he’s not gonna be okay with you suffering in silence instead of letting him know something’s wrong.” Hiro frowned up at him. “I dunno, maybe change your clothes if you wanna tone down how sad and pitiful you look, but you’re not gonna help him by wandering around being a literal wet blanket.”

“Wow, you are such a jerk,” was all Fred could think to say to that.

“Yeah, I know. You gonna do it or not?”

“I’ll think about it,” Fred conceded, and finally went inside. Pretty much everyone ignored him, which was a relief, because that balanced it out when Cheryl glared at him from across the room. He didn’t look back at her, but simply left his shoes by the door and fled upstairs in wet socks and wet… well, everything.

Tadashi met him on the way down, in dry clothes and tousled, damp hair, and that definitely didn’t help. Fred averted his eyes and didn’t stop until he was already in the attic and diving into his duffle for fresh clothes.

He couldn’t just… back out now, could he? How would that even work? Would they just go back to normal and hope no one noticed? Or would they have to make a little announcement? “Teehee, turns out we’re not dating after all and we fooled you to keep like three of you from making Tadashi’s reunion experience a living hell.”

He couldn’t just do that. He couldn’t just embarrass Tadashi in front of his entire family, or make Tadashi feel like he had to embarrass himself in front of his entire family. Whatever else they were, they were friends, weren’t they? You didn’t do that to a friend. It just wasn’t done.

Still, he steeled himself as he went back downstairs. Downstairs held Tadashi and Evelyn and Cheryl and Denise.

Downstairs had Sarah, who looked up at him with a cheeky grin as he came down and wandered over to Tadashi’s side. “Nice shootin’ out there,” she said. “I dunno if anyone’s ever nailed Amy right up the nose like that before.”

Fred put his smile back in place. “Well, y’know, I try. It was fun.”

“I bet it was fun for you.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. “Don’t think I didn’t see you staring at Tadashi in that wet T-shirt.” Rose swatted the back of her head, and she smirked unapologetically.

Fred, for his part, managed to fake a decent laugh, but it was surface-deep. Something in his mind quietly gave way, and… that was it. That was it, that was the last straw and the camel’s back was pretty thoroughly broken.

His hand closed on Tadashi’s wrist, and he gritted “I need to talk to you,” through his smiling teeth before pulling him upstairs. Tadashi went without protest, which could’ve been a very good thing or a very bad thing. Fred was too agitated to care.

He was also too agitated to notice two people quietly watching them leave.

By unspoken agreement they went up to the attic, and Fred shoved the door closed and leaned back against it to quietly gather his thoughts. How was he supposed to start this? What did he even want to _say?_

Fred glanced up, saw Tadashi staring at him in confusion and mild worry, and he let out a shaky sigh. The truth. He wanted to tell the truth.

“I can’t do this anymore.” His voice came out small and timid, and he pushed himself away from the closed door in an attempt to force confidence on himself. “I’m sorry, I know I said I’d help you the whole week, I know, and I feel like absolute crap for saying this but… I-I want to stop. I need to stop. I can’t do this anymore.” His voice shook, even as it rose in volume. “I thought I could handle it but I was wrong, it’s too much, it’s just - it’s too much, okay?”

“Fred-” Tadashi looked at him in dismay. “I mean, first of all, that’s fine, we can stop. God, you don’t have to… of _course_ we don’t have to keep doing this. It’s fine. It’s all fine.” He hesitated, averting his eyes briefly. “Is… is this about that kiss yesterday?” Something must have showed on Fred’s face, because Tadashi stepped forward, eyes widening. “Fred, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have done that-”

“No!” Fred’s voice cracked, harsher than he’d meant it to. Tadashi almost flinched back, confused, and Fred couldn’t hold back anymore. “No, you shouldn’t have! What is _wrong_ with you? You can’t just - you can’t do that!” Tears gathered in his stinging eyes, but at this point he was past caring. “You can’t just… just kiss someone like that and _walk away_. Who _does_ that?”

“Fred-”

“And that’s why I can’t do this anymore,” Fred went on, and his throat ached and made his voice thick and unsteady but he forged on anyway. “I’m in too deep, okay? And maybe that’s my fault because I could’ve seen this coming and I could’ve just told you no at the start but I _didn’t_ because I’m _really goddamn stupid_ and I thought… I just thought… fuck, man, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He felt liquid trickling down his face again, and this time he knew exactly what it was. “It’s just - you go back and forth, like I keep second guessing whether you’re faking or not and I _can’t tell_. And then last night you kissed me like that, and nobody was even looking! There was no reason for you to do that!” His voice caught. “And for like five seconds I thought that maybe… maybe you liked me back… but you walked away, like it didn’t even mean anything, and what do I even _do_ with that, Tadashi?” He thought he saw Tadashi flinch. “It always happens, it just... even back when you first asked me do this. It all comes back, and it _hurts_ because I just. I’m in love with you. That’s why I said yes. Isn’t that so messed up?” His voice caught again, and he had to cough to loosen it again. “It’s real for me, but it’s not real for you, and I thought I could deal with that but I _can’t._ I just - I just can’t.”

Tadashi was staring at him, wide-eyed, mouth hanging open, not even answering him, and Fred couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take any more waiting, any more second-guessing and wishful thinking and imagining and pretending.

“ _Well?_ ” he demanded.

“Oh my God.” When Tadashi finally spoke, his voice was a rush of breath. “ _Oh my God._ ” And with that, he closed the distance in three strides, took Fred’s face between his hands, and was already kissing him by the time Fred registered what he wanted. Fred stiffened in shock, rocking one step back, but the closed door stopped him before he could get any further than that. Tadashi pressed him back against it, fingers running along the line of his jaw, mouth parting, coaxing Fred’s lips open.

And Fred had a little space to wonder - just a little. Thoughts like _No one’s watching_ crossed his mind, with the obvious question of _Why? Why now?_ In the space of a split second, the space of a flick of Tadashi’s tongue, the thoughts changed to a resounding _Screw it, who cares._ Fred curled his fingers into the front of Tadashi’s shirt, yanked him closer, and returned the kiss with every bit of frustration that had been building up over the past week. Tadashi’s hands moved upward to tangle in his damp hair, and Fred responded by nipping at his lower lip until Tadashi sighed into the kiss.

When Tadashi pulled back, drawing in a breath like he was about to say something, Fred cut him off with “N-no one’s watching, dude,” because what else was he supposed to say? What else was he supposed to think? He’d been questioning reality for at least the past three days. But Tadashi looked him in the eye, and Fred almost choked on the air he was breathing because _that_ \- there was no mistaking that. There was no second-guessing it. _I want you_ was stamped across Tadashi’s face as clearly as if he’d said it out loud.

He didn’t say it out loud, though. He said, “Yeah, I know,” and any words Fred had left were swallowed in another kiss. This time Fred relaxed into it immediately, parting his lips as he reveled in the feeling of Tadashi pressing him back against the door. He ignored the piece of his brain that was still catching up and wondering what the hell was going on and how long it was going to last this time, and dove headfirst into the mess of feelings and sensations. It didn’t matter, he decided, because either way it was happening and Tadashi wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t pulling away.

Fred let his hands slip downward, over Tadashi’s waist until he was sliding them over his ass. Tadashi twitched with a grunt of surprise, and Fred grinned a little wickedly against his lips. _Revenge._ He followed it up with a very appreciative squeeze.

Finally Tadashi pulled back again, and almost instinctively Fred curled his arms around the small of Tadashi’s back, part of him half afraid he was going to walk away again. But he didn’t - instead, Tadashi pulled back just far enough to breathe, but close enough to rest his forehead against Fred’s. Fred caught his breath, barely, but didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry,” Tadashi said, before Fred could interrupt him again. “Um… how long have I been oblivious to this?”

“I should’ve told you,” Fred murmured. “And, uh… a while, I guess. I just, um. Never said anything. Never had the guts. I didn’t think you’d… so that’s why I decided to do this. I just figured… close as I’m ever gonna get, y’know? Pretty stupid.”

“Me too,” Tadashi admitted. “Sorry about the… mixed signals thing.”

“Sorry for blowing up at you.” Fred blinked, reeling. He was breathing, inhaling and exhaling the same amount of oxygen he usually did, but it just didn’t feel like enough. “Um… so your turn, how long since you, uh…?”

“Ferris wheel.” Fred could hear Tadashi’s smile even more clearly than he could see it, just inches away. “That’s when it hit me. Maybe there were feelings before that and I just didn’t notice, though. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Fred snickered quietly. “God we’re dumb.”

“Pretty much.” Tadashi leaned back, hands resting lightly on Fred’s arms. “So, uh… wanna go out with me sometime?”

Fred laughed again, harder this time, until he was almost doubled up and leaning his head against Tadashi’s chest. He couldn’t help it - it was _funny_ , damn it. And judging by the fact that Tadashi was cracking up next to him, he agreed.

When their laughter finally died down, Fred sighed and waited for his ribs to stop aching. “But in all seriousness, yeah dude, let’s do it.” He shut his eyes, pressing his forehead to Tadashi’s chest. “I want you.”

Tadashi made a flustered choking noise, but cleared his throat. “Um, uh, g-good,” he stammered, and Fred grinned until he thought his face would split in half.

“Aww, you’re embarrassed,” he teased. “Finally you know what it feels like.” He lifted his head finally, and grinned wider at the blush on Tadashi’s face.

Tadashi averted his eyes, rubbing his cheek as if he thought that would make it go away. “God, I hope nobody overheard us,” he muttered. All at once they both went quiet, staring at each other in sudden alarm.

By unspoken agreement, Fred was the one to carefully ease the attic door open, the two of them peeking around the edge. The top of the staircase was empty, and the house beyond seemed oddly quiet. They shared a confused glance before cautiously making their way down to the main floor.

It was empty. They searched the library, the bedrooms, the family room, but no one was there. The entire family seemed to have vanished. Absolutely baffled, Tadashi and Fred eventually made their way to the kitchen. Fred was moments away from suggesting that maybe they’d been abducted by aliens when they turned the corner into the kitchen.

Hiro was sitting at the kitchen table, and across from him sat Denise. They were both drinking tea from large mugs, with two other steaming cups sitting next to them, but there was no one else around. The two had just been sitting quietly, but when Tadashi and Fred entered the room they both looked up and smiled.

“Did you guys sort it out, then?” Denise asked, holding up one of the mugs of tea in offering. Feeling very much like he’d just stepped into the twilight zone, Fred took the mug wordlessly and sipped it on instinct as Tadashi took the other mug from Hiro. His tastebuds were flooded with a blend of chamomile and green tea flavours with a hint of honey, and his eyes went wide.

“Wait, this was from _you?_ ” he gasped, staring at Denise with wide eyes. “ _You_ were the one who sent Hiro up with the tea?”

Tadashi blinked in confusion. “What tea?” he asked, giving his own mug a suspicious glance.

“I _told_ you it wasn’t my idea,” Hiro grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

Ignoring them both, Denise just shrugged. “You looked upset. My mom used to make me a cup of tea whenever I had a bad day, and it always worked wonders for me. I figured it might help.”

“But...but why?” Fred had to ask, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. Denise was apparently in cahoots with Hiro, being nice to him, and _not_ trying to get into Tadashi’s pants? And the rest of the evil trio were nowhere to be found? He was starting to wonder if he’d somehow hit his head on the attic door when he’d dragged Tadashi upstairs to talk, and everything since had been some sort of coma dream. It would make a _lot_ of sense. After all, he pretty much felt like he was dreaming ever since Tadashi had kissed him. “And...and what do you mean ‘sorted it out’? And where _is_ everyone? What’s going on?”

Denise sighed and pulled out the chair next to her, gesturing for him to sit. Fred quickly looked over at Tadashi, but when he looked just as confused, if not more so, he figured there was nothing to lose from just _sitting_. Slowly he took the chair and slid into it. Tadashi mirrored him on the other side of the table next to Hiro.

“One question at a time?” Denise asked Hiro.

“Take turns?” he returned.

“Works for me.”

“Okay. So,” Hiro began, leaning forward across the table. “The family is all out with Great Aunt Lucy. We convinced them to go visit her today considering she’s staying at the retirement home because her friend Betty is feeling unwell.”

“And they left without us?” Tadashi squawked.

“I told Aunt Margaret that I’d heard you sniffling and coughing all night last night, and that because we’re sharing a room with you, Fred and I are probably infected with whatever cold you have,” Hiro explained, looking rather smug. “She naturally demanded that we stay home so we don’t get all of the old people sick with the plague and kill them.”

“Hiro!” Tadashi shouted, sounding scandalized.

“What? It’s a legitimate concern!”

“Still, you can’t just _say_ it like that.”

“Anyways,” Denise cut in before the brothers could get too carried away. “I told my mom I wasn’t feeling well either, so I stayed too. Personally I think she was hoping I’d get some alone time with Tadashi,” she muttered with a sour expression.

“That brings up my second question,” Fred said with a raised finger. “Why _aren’t_ you trying to spend some alone time with Tadashi? Like, I’m _totally_ not trying to imply you should be, because nope, mine, we may have only just figured that out, but still, mine. No touchy. But why?”

Denise and Hiro shared another look, and to Fred’s absolute shock, Hiro burst out laughing. Denise was grinning too and shaking her head.

“Uh, because I’m really not interested?” she said with a laugh. “No offense, Tadashi.”

Fred knew he looked like an idiot. His mouth was hanging open slightly, and he was giving Denise the biggest bug-eyed stare ever. But across from him Tadashi was doing the same thing, so at least he couldn’t be _too_ embarrassed. Hiro, for his part, took one look at them both and started laughing even harder. He almost fell out of his chair and had to make a desperate grab at the table to stay upright. This was enough to set Denise off too, her bright loud laughter filling the kitchen with a cheery sound.

“What.” Fred said, speaking for both of them. Tadashi just made a strange high-pitched confused noise.

It took Denise a few seconds to calm down enough to answer, wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh my god, you have _no_ idea how long I’ve been waiting to drop that one on you, Tadashi. Your _face_ right now. Oh lord, what I wouldn’t give for a camera right now!”

“Gotcha covered!” Hiro crowed, before pulling his cellphone out of his pocket and snapping a quick picture. He grinned down at the screen so wide it looked like it hurt.

“Send it to me?” Denise begged.

“You know it!”

“Please explain?” Tadashi groaned. “My head hurts.”

“Drink your tea,” Denise suggested. “It should help. But yeah, sorry to break it to you, but I’m really not interested in you Tadashi. Or anyone, really, for that matter.”

“Buh?” Tadashi said eloquently.

Shaking her head, Denise seemed to realize she was going to have to spell it out. “I’m ace-aro,” she told them with a sigh. “So I’m not interested in anyone. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re pretty. Very pretty. I really don’t mind looking at you, but that’s about it. Not interested in getting into anyone’s pants but my own.”

“Woooooow,” Fred slowly wheezed. “I did _not_ see that coming.”

“But every year,” Tadashi argued, his brow furrowed in confusion. “You’re always all over me! Or, at least, you try to be!”

“My mom really pushes me,” Denise said patiently. “And I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure until earlier this year, I thought maybe I’d have some kind of heterosexual epiphany or something, but turns out no. And... I haven’t actually told her yet. I don’t know if she’d understand, you know? So I kind of just...put up with her and Evelyn’s meddling because I knew you weren’t interested either. Honestly, other than Hiro and a couple of really close friends, you guys are the only ones who actually know.”

“I kind of had a feeling she wasn’t really into it for a while now,” Hiro added, “Ever since last year when Evelyn made that comment about you two wearing the same colours and looking like a cute couple and I caught her making this really disgusted face, yeah that’s the one!” He pointed at Denise who had scrunched up her nose. “But I didn’t get the chance to talk to her about it until this year when you kept running off with Fred and leaving me behind. So finally we paired up at the theme park and got away from her mom, and she told me the truth. And since she trusted me with her secret, and I figured you nerds needed all the help you could get, I filled her in on what was happening.”

The kitchen fell silent as Fred and Tadashi considered the implications of all of this. Fred stared down at his tea, feeling kind of numb. Too many revelations in too short a time frame. He took a sip of the warm liquid, feeling it slowly run down his throat and into his belly, and he felt a little bit better. It really was good tea.

“So you knew we were faking the whole time?” he asked quietly.

Once again, he was shocked when Hiro and Denise started laughing again, although not as loudly. Denise gave them a fond look.

“Faking nothing,” she chuckled. “I could tell you were head over heels for him the moment I met you. And it wasn’t hard to notice the ways Tadashi kept looking at you. I could tell you were _trying_ to fake it, though, especially after Hiro and I started talking.” She smiled wryly. “Wish I could’ve tried it, but my mom would probably flip out if I tried to ‘date’ anyone. But anyway, we figured you guys just needed a nudge. Thankfully you worked it out on your own, Hiro and I were planning on locking you together in a closet until you made out if you didn’t get it sorted out by tomorrow.”

Tadashi gave Hiro an alarmed look, and Hiro reached over and nudged his brother good-naturedly. “You may be a nerd, bro, but sometimes you’re an idiot. You really didn’t notice you were in love with him?”

“I-I didn’t - wait, how did _you_ know?” Tadashi demanded.

“Aunt Cass agreed to you bringing a fake date and you were already asking about bringing a boyfriend,” Hiro reminded him with a grin. “And not even five minutes later you were calling Fred. Not to mention I was stuck watching you two ‘practice’ all week. It was kind of obvious, bro.”

Groaning, Tadashi buried his face in his arms on the table. “I’m an idiot,” he moaned, muffled by his sleeves.

“Yup!” Hiro agreed cheerfully, reaching over to pat Tadashi condescendingly on the head. “Luckily Fred seems to love you anyways, right?”

Fred firmly told himself not to let the dopey grin he could feel bubbling up under the surface to show on his face. His face, traitor that it was, didn’t listen.

Hiro looked at him and snorted. “See? Wasn’t exactly a big puzzle to put together.”

Tadashi just groaned louder.

“I’m glad you two figured it out, though. I really am happy for you,” Denise told them, resting her hand on Fred’s shoulder. “You two are really cute together.”

“Really?” Fred asked hopefully, blushing.

“Definitely,” she told him with a decisive nod. “Also you’re like my favorite person right now, because you’re seriously letting me off the hook with this. Bless your soul.”

Fred looked over to Tadashi, who was just peeking up over his arms. The two shared a tentative smile, and Tadashi reached out with one hand. Without hesitation, Fred met him halfway, lacing their fingers together. He couldn’t say that it suddenly felt natural, because after so much practicing and grabbing at each other for appearances it already felt normal. But this time it also felt _right_. He felt the dopey grin return full force, and was pleased to see Tadashi mirror him. Dopey was a good look on him, especially with the ears. He reminded Fred of the dwarf.

But their sudden blissful moment was broken by a horrible gagging noise. Fred’s head whipped over to see Hiro clutching at his throat as if he was choking and sticking his tongue out.

“Oh, shut up!” Tadashi growled, blushing red straight through to his ears. He whacked Hiro in the shoulder, sending Hiro toppling over and almost out of his chair.

“Enough of this touchy-feely stuff,” Hiro groaned. “We have like an hour before everyone gets back, and we should totally take advantage of it!”

“What did you have in mind?” Fred drawled, eager to get the topic of conversation away from his and Tadashi’s apparently _extreme_ obliviousness.

Hiro smirked. “You remember the absolutely _sweet_ sound system Uncle Donald has hooked up in the basement for movies and music and stuff? That he uses to only play Van Morrison and the Beatles every year?” He dug into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a familiar silver disk with faded sharpie letters. “Wanna find out what I’ll Make A Man Out of You sounds like in high definition surround sound?”

There was a moment’s pause, and then four chairs were scraping back against the kitchen floor as they all raced to be the first into the basement.

* * *

By the time the first cars started to arrive back at the house, the four of them had progressed from the CD to Denise’s iPod full of bubbly dance tunes. They’d also managed to find and eat Braeden’s secret stash of Doritos which Aunt Margaret would _not_ have approved of, and had printed off a large stack of pictures with Shia LaBeouf’s face on it and were taking turns hiding them all over the house and in everyone’s suitcases.

Tadashi barely heard the front door open over the pounding beat of Chumbawamba’s “I Get Knocked Down” rising up from the sound system in the basement, and hopped down from where he’d been hiding a Shia photo in the books in the library. He poked his head out into the hall, spotting Amy walking in the front door, Justin close behind carrying the baby carrier. The two of them shot him a confused look, but the sound of music was like a siren call. They both simply waved at him before heading straight down into the basement. Moments later Uncle Bruno and Aunt Margaret showed up with their two boys, and pretty much did the same thing.

After waving to them as well, Tadashi ducked back into the library. Humming along under his breath, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and sent off a quick text to Aunt Cass, suggesting that she pick up some snack foods and drinks on her way back. With the Doritos polished off, they were going to need some more chips and stuff for the impromptu house party. He absently wondered what Uncle Donald was going to think about Hiro ‘upgrading’ his system.

By the time he finished slipping pictures into as many books as he could and made his way back down to the basement, everyone had arrived and was already there. Aunt Cass was setting up a snack table in the corner, arguing with Aunt Margaret who was trying to replace all of her chips and cookies with carrot sticks and vegan options. Uncle Donald was yelling at Hiro, pointing at his stereo which was showing signs of Hiro’s tinkering, but he wasn’t worried. Hiro was smart enough to make sure none of his changes were permanent. Or at least Tadashi was pretty sure he was.

Everyone else was in the middle of the room dancing, all of the furniture pushed up against the walls to give as much space as possible. Even Aunt Evelyn was participating, giggling as Uncle Henry dragged her around in a very odd version of a waltz. The music was loud, but Tadashi could still hear people laughing, talking, and generally having a good time.

His eyes slid over the crowd until he spotted who he was looking for. Fred was back to back with Denise, who was laughing so hard she fell over a little bit and Fred had to catch her. Fred was dancing like a complete maniac, complete with arm wiggling and booty shaking, pulling out all of his mascot dance moves and whatever else he felt like, and on anyone else it would have looked _ridiculous_ but on Fred it just looked so… _Fred_. Tadashi couldn’t stop the wide smile that grew over his face as he watched them. Fred _finally_ looked like his old happy self again.

He stood at the bottom of the basement stairs for a moment, just watching and enjoying the show, but then Denise spotted him and waved him over. He made his way through the crowd to where they were standing, both watching him arrive with huge smiles.

“Hey, Tadashi! Remember when you told me to shoot you if we had to dance together?” Fred asked over the music.

Tadashi winced and nodded. “Whoops?”

“Here, I think I know how you can make it up to me!” Fred grinned. And then, without warning, he grabbed Tadashi’s wrist and dragged him close, Denise smoothly stepping out of the way at the same time. Tadashi’s yelp of surprise was lost as the music suddenly broke into “Shut Up and Dance” and everyone started bouncing along.

To his absolute shock, Fred gave him a serious look, and the wild, flailing dancing from before immediately transformed into something smooth and controlled. Fred had his hand around Tadashi’s waist and his other still clasped on Tadashi’s wrist, and he started pulling and pushing at Tadashi’s hips, helping him move to the beat. Tadashi was too surprised to resist and allowed himself to be lead, inwardly marvelling at how Fred’s normally dorky and awkward demeanor seemed to melt into something confident and controlled as he moved. If he hadn’t already realized he was in love with Fred a few days ago, _this_ would have been the moment. As it was, he was _seriously_ struggling not to swoon a little.

At one point, Fred pulled him close and leaned up to whisper in his ear so he could be heard over the music without anyone else listening in. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Fred admitted, holding Tadashi against him and swaying gently with the song.

Tadashi merely breathed against Fred’s neck, too overwhelmed to find words. But Fred grinned at him like he understood.

The dance party lasted until well into the evening, and Tadashi pretty much ended up dancing with everyone at least once. He set Aunt Cass giggling as he twirled her like a princess, nearly broke a table when Sarah grabbed him to do-si-do out of nowhere, and managed to convince Hiro to show off a bit of their martial arts when “Kung-Fu Fighting” came on. The whole time, he couldn’t stop smiling, and every time he glanced over at Fred to see him watching with a wide grin on his face, a warm bubbly feeling would grow in his chest until he either wanted to scream or grab Fred by the collar and just kiss the hell out of him right in the middle of everyone. But he managed to restrain himself, because even though they weren’t faking it anymore (and he was _still_ completely stunned by that) that didn’t mean they should suddenly act any differently.

By the time everyone split up to head to bed, Tadashi was a sweaty, breathless mess, but he couldn’t remember a time before when he’d had so much fun at a family get together. His face hurt from smiling so much. Fred didn’t look much better off, his long hair clinging to his damp forehead, looking tired but satisfied.

When they changed and crawled into bed that night, there was no awkward shuffling. No careful shifting to make sure there was a sliver of space between them. No one sleeping on the floor. Instead Tadashi tucked himself up against Fred tightly, throwing an arm over his waist and snuggling into the back of Fred’s neck.

“Mmmmm, feels nice,” Fred murmured.

Tadashi’s laugh was a puff of air against his skin. “I love you,” he whispered, so quietly that it was more like he mouthed the words than said them. To his credit, Fred only twitched a little, before reaching down and lacing his fingers with the hand Tadashi had thrown over his middle.

“I love you too,” he whispered back.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Hiro groaned at them from across the room. “Can you both please just _shut up_ and _go to sleep?_ Enough with the mushy stuff!”

Even in the dark room, Tadashi’s aim was true from years of long practice, and Hiro let out an indignant squawk as he was nailed perfectly in the face by a pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Family Tree for reference: [](http://s1016.photobucket.com/user/Ikira_Candy/media/Fic%20Reference/Fic%20Family%20Tree.png.html)


End file.
